HP – A farmer in Herkimer County, N.Y. couldn’t figure out why his cows seemed more anxious than usual. When they weren’t producing as much milk as usual, he set up a surveillance camera. What he saw shocked him: two men were rolling in the hay with his livestock, CNYCentral.com reported. The farmer, whose name has not been identified, contacted authorities who conducted their own investigation. As a result, Michael Jones, 35, and Reid Fontaine, 31, were arrested for misdemeanor sexual misconduct, UticaOD.com reported. Authorities said Fontaine attempted to have sex with several cows while Fontaine filmed the encounters, according to Syracuse.com. The two were released on an appearance ticket. The suspects aren’t the first men accused of having a cow in the Biblical sense. In 2008, Brazilian cleaner Getulino Ferreira Paraizo was accused of having sex with 400 cows. He said he preferred the more tranquil animals. It might be better to think twice before attempting sex with cows or any other animals. A 2011 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that men who have had sex with animals were twice as likely to develop penile cancer as those who stick with their own kind.
What a bonding activity for these two guys. Some bros like to meet up at the bar for a few beers, some take in a basketball game, I’ve even heard some guys will go to brunch, just the two guys, together. And that’s fine. But cow fucking? Literally cow fucking, is a whole new type of activity. Most of us have fucked cows before, but have any of us actually fucked cows before? I want to believe these guys just totally misinterpreted what it means to fuck a cow. Classic mix up. Like they heard a joke on TV about slump busting by fucking a cow, and they didn’t realize that it meant a cow, not an actual cow. I can totally see how they can make that error. But I want to believe they were just sitting around chillin one day, and both realized their mutual interest in wildlife fucking. No way man, you too?! Grab the camcorder! It’s like when you find out someone went to the same school as you, and you have this whole new point of conversation. Except theirs was their love for putting their cock inside of a big animal that moos.
PS: Say they were fucking the cows on purpose. Why a cow? Also, penile cancer from fucking animals? Woah. I didn’t even know we could get dick cancer. Sounds brutal. So we should all just probably stick to cows, and leave the actual cows alone.