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Barstool DMV Smokeshow of the Day – Elyse From Towson

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Elyse from Towson rounding out the week. Smoke like ya read about.

 

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By Nate posted November 20th, 2014 at 5:30 PM

Respect The Move Kevin Durant Is Doing By Signing An Endorsement Deal With Sonic, But His Swerve Doesn’t Fool Me


Such a natural looking picture.

 

Real GM - Kevin Durant has signed an endorsement deal with the fast-food drive-in chain Sonic. “Everything that Kevin pitches comes from an authentic point of view,” said Michael Yormark, president and chief of branding and strategy for Roc Nation, Jay Z’s agency that represents Durant. “When it comes to grab-and-go food, KD’s a Sonic guy.” An extra layer of motivation to forge the partnership comes from the fact that Sonic, which has 3,500 restaurants in 44 states, has its headquarters in Oklahoma City. It’s the second deal that Durant has done this year with an Oklahoma City company. Sonic is not an NBA partner nor a Thunder partner but expects to feature Durant heavily, especially during the playoffs.

 

This is such a classic move. We’ve seen people make moves like this 100 times, and every single time the idiot sheep can’t think outside the box and see it for what it really is- a swerve. He had to do something to make people forget that he’s leaving OKC in two years. Basically everything he’s done for the last year and a half has been about coming home to DC. His shoes, his quotes, his tattoos, his Instagram pics, everything. So it’s the easiest swerve ever- sign an endorsement deal with a local company and get everyone back on your side. Get the OKC fans to sleep a little easier at night until he bolts town in 2016 like we all know he’s going to do. So no, this shouldn’t worry Wizards fans 1 iota. If anything, it’s further proof that KD2016 is happening.

 
Buy a Kevin Durant 2016 shirt

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Buy a John Wall shirt

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By Nate posted November 20th, 2014 at 4:40 PM

The Hershey Bears Are Breaking Out These Sweet Movember Jerseys On Sunday

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Penn Live - The Hershey Bears are scheduled to wear special Movember jerseys when the St. John’s IceCaps visit Giant Center Sunday. The jerseys are slated to be auctioned after the game, with a portion of the proceeds going to charity. The annual Movember campaign raises funds and awareness for men’s health issues.
 

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This is awesome. October is pink everywhere for breast cancer, and for good reason. Not knocking it. Boobs are sweet. But it is good to see the Bears getting into the Movember action. But we gotta look out for ourselves too. So combining Movember with one of my favorite things in the world- a good gimmick hockey jersey, is just what the doctor ordered. Like it, Love it, Gotta have one of these.

By Nate posted November 20th, 2014 at 3:55 PM

BREAKING NEWS: Joe Flacco’s Wife Is Expecting Their 3rd Elite Child Just In Time For The Playoff Run

Ravens Super Bowl Parade

 

ESPN —  Joe Flacco will be experiencing a different playoff berth — make that birth – this time around. Flacco told the Baltimore Ravens‘ website that he and his wife are expecting their third child in January, which could make for an interesting postseason run if the team makes the playoffs. Flacco and his wife, Dana, already have two boys, Stephen (2 years old) and Daniel (1 year old). So, how many children would Flacco like to have?  “I’d be satisfied with five,” said Flacco, who would then match his No. 5 uniform number. “Kids are a lot of fun. It would be cooler to have more, but if we got to five and that was it, I’d be cool with that. I’m satisfied now, but I want as many as I could have.” Don’t worry about Flacco’s family life interfering with his football one. He missed a minicamp practice when his first child was born on June 14, 2012, but he played the Ravens’ home opener on Sept. 15, 2013, even though his second child was born an hour before kickoff. Flacco threw for 211 yards and a touchdown in a 14-6 win over the Cleveland Browns.

 

3 babies in 3 years? Now that’s elite insemination. The guy just can’t miss whether it’s on the football field or in the bedroom, that’s his method of operation (or M.O. for you simpletons). And he’d be selfish not to share his seed. Laser rocket arms and Super Bowl MVP’s don’t just grow on trees. Lil’ Steve-0 and Danny Boy are already destined for greatness, so why not add more Flaccos to the fold? And his goal of 5 kids is probably too few. Johnny U may have had 5, but Joey Football needs to go above and beyond the call of duty. Flaccos on Flaccos on Flaccos tearing up the league in the 2030′s. Plus we’re 1-0 in games after Mrs. Joe Flacco pops one out of the oven. No better time than playoff time for her to squeeze one out. Love those odds. Gotta have me some more Flaccos. Super Bowl is eminent now.

 

PS: Remembered Joe played the role of Johnny U in a documentary and went back into the Barstool database to see if anyone blogged it and of course it was Neil. Dude has no clue what Halloween is. Whatever. Bloggers gonna blog?

 

By banks posted November 20th, 2014 at 3:05 PM

TGIFridays Is The Epitome Of Romance This Holiday Season, Will Fly Drones With Mistletoe Over Your Table To Help Break The Ice

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BetaBeat - When a study revealed that 47 percent of Brits have never kissed under a mistletoe, it disturbed TGI Fridays’ UK branch so much that they’re taking it upon themselves to change it. This holiday season, select UK TGI Fridays restaurants will be releasing mistletoe drones in their dining rooms to encourage diners to kiss. “Everyone loves a good Christmas party, but we all know things can be a bit awkward until someone breaks the ice,” the company’s marketing manager Rachel Waller told The Daily Mail. The drones can fly at speeds up to 35mph and will hover eight feet above diners’ heads. “We wanted to see how we could make Christmas get-together in our restaurants even more entertaining,” Ms. Waller added. This has potential to be more fun for the restaurant than the diners. This initiative will bring about a seemingly endless influx of awkward moments, and one lucky employee will have to fly the drone — what fun that will be.

 

Wow! And here I was thinking that fine dining establishment couldn’t get much better, they pull this out of their hat. Endless apps, delicious food, the most cougarific bar from midnight-2 am, now drones flying mistletoe over your table to make sure you get laid. Is there anything TGIFridays doesn’t do for you? Doubt it. The only problem is if you are taking your lucky lady to Friday’s during the holiday season, you don’t really need any help getting laid as it is. It’s already in the books before dessert comes out. The only bad part of this is seeing all the other people kiss. Nobody wants to see that shit. Keep that PDA to yourself. Next thing you know Friday’s goes from a classy joint to a full out swingers club. And while that’s not really a problem, I’d prefer they keep it fancy.

By Nate posted November 20th, 2014 at 2:19 PM

Who Is The Best South Park Character – Cartman Or Randy?

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I’ve had this discussion quite a few times, and I think it’s about time I blogged it so you, the people, can have your say and we can settle this debate once and for all. It’s a simple question with a complicated answer- who is the best South Park character – Eric Cartman or Randy Marsh? Now, we all agree it’s one of the two, no question about it. I’m not even sure there is anyone who thinks otherwise to be honest. The question is though, who is the best? If you had to go through every episode, who comes out on top?

Is it Cartman, the kid who tricked Butters into going into hiding so he can go to Casa Bonita, who took a shit on Mr Garrison’s desk, bought Cartmanland and didn’t let anyone else in, who learned German and tried to kill all the Jews, and made Scott Tenorman eat his own parents?

Or is it Randy? The alcoholic, who made his balls big enough to bounce around on, who fights anyone about anything, a member of the Hare Club for Men, not a big fan of…naggers, and is actually Lorde.

The thing that makes it such a tough argument to decide is at the beginning of the show Cartman was truly ridiculous and over the top, while Randy was more of a normal dad. From the first few seasons, you wouldn’t have expected him to ever be in this discussion. While Cartman has stayed consistently amazing,

 

 

Randy has been so much more over the top and absurd as the series has gone by.

 

 

The above Vine is from last night’s episode and I think it might have finally put Randy over Cartman for me…I think. I really don’t know. I love Cartman, but Randy is so fucking ridiculous too.

So what do you say? Vote 1 if you love the fat boy, Vote 10 for Lorde ya ya ya.

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By Nate posted November 20th, 2014 at 1:20 PM

Can’t Wait To Take Your Money in DraftKings World’s Largest Fantasy Football 50/50 – $100k Guaranteed

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This is perfect for people like me who always finish in the top half of the DraftKings contests we run, but always fall a little bit short of making the money. Now, it’s ok if I draft a dud who only gets me 2 points because all I need to do is be better than half of you idiots and I win money. Shouldn’t be that hard. I’m already spending my cash.

 

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By Nate posted November 20th, 2014 at 12:30 PM

MLB Network Announcer Mark DeRosa Dialed Up An Evan Longoria Home Run On Cue In The Japan Series Last Night

 

Hey look we’ve got a psychic on our hands! If you think Mark DeRosa didn’t will that ball over the wall, you’re a class A moron. Right-handed power hitters don’t just hit 2-0 flat fastballs off crummy left-handed Asian pitchers all willy nilly. No chance in hell Longoria has that kind of ability. And no way he has ever said something of the sort and been wrong about it. Have you ever seen a blog of a play-by-play guy predicting a home run and the guy pops out? Just something to think about. The question now is what do we do with Mark DeRosa? If he’s with MLB Network doing games in Japan in front of zero American eyeballs, he’s gotta be a free agent on the play-by-play hot stove right? With all due respect Gary Thorne, you can fuck right the fuck off. I need Mark DeRosa dialing up Manny Machado taters next summer in the worst way. Sign him up!

By banks posted November 20th, 2014 at 11:50 AM

I Will Never Be As Happy As This Guy On His Dirt Bike Rope Swing

 

I will literally never be as happy as this guy. He’s just living the dream. It’s one of my favorite things about old people, they get to do what they want. Go on vacations, buy horses, rig dirtbikes to ropes and swing from trees, old people just live the life. This guy looks like a clip straight off of a mid-90′s America’s Funniest Home Videos. I was waiting for a tree to fall or a ball to hit him in the nuts, but he just kept on living the dream.

PS: Maybe this video is more of a metaphor on life. Some of us are out there grinding the 9-5, some of us are out there grinding the 24/7, and some of us are tying our bikes to trees and swinging around in the air like we just don’t care. Today, let’s all be this guy.

 

By Nate posted November 20th, 2014 at 11:05 AM

Crawling In Through the Drive Thru Window To Rob a Fast Food Place Is So Ridiculous I Love It


 

He went to a drive-thru, but not for food. On Monday morning at 10:00 am, this suspect crawled into the drive-thru window of a fast food restaurant on Martin Luther King Junior Drive in Landover. Once inside, he pulled out a gun and confronted employees. Once he got money, he left through a back door. If you have info on who he is, please call 301-772-4905. Tipsters can also stay anonymous by calling 1-866-411-TIPS. We are offering a cash reward in the case.

 

It’s just so ridiculous you have to love it. When your legs are still outside the window and your head is on the floor, you’re probably in the most compromising position possible. Had the GED drop out fast food worker walked in at the right time she could have punted his head to Mars if she had the brain power to realize what was happening.

At first I thought there is no reason to enter through the drive thru when you have a gun in your waistband, but then I realized this guy is a genius. Did his homework, read the scouting report, and knew he could skip the formalities and get right to the register. I suppose that’s why he’s getting away with robbery and I’m scared to take more than 1 free sample at the Harris Teeter. I’m always looking around, hoping they don’t call me out for taking two toothpicks instead of just the one. Meanwhile this guy is climbing into windows like he’s about to fuck Clarissa and making off with the money. Negative points for not exiting the same way he entered though. Come on man, a door? That’s lame as shit.

By Nate posted November 20th, 2014 at 10:20 AM
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