When the going gets tough and the Twitter police pillage your vessel and throw you in pirate jail, the tough get going. Britt and Foxy coming in hot trying to break me out of Twitter jail. Look how sad me lady Foxy is in that picture. Can’t be having that.
Not having Twitter today was pirate jail at it’s harshest. I’ve haven’t seen things today that I ever thought I’d go a day without seeing again (my Twitter timeline). They knew what they were doing when they tossed me out to sea. I’m completely addicted to Twitter and now I’m just doing the doggy paddle, treading water in purgatory until I’m freed from this cage of ruin and despair. I went rogue with a new Twitter @NateySparrow, but jail Twitter just ain’t the same. Need to break out of this cell and get back to the deck where I can fire cannons once again.
#FreeNate! Sing it from the mountaintops from sea to shining sea! This could be your generation’s Kony2012, but you know, actually matter.
Introducing Shebly from JMU. Big time smoke doing big time smoke things. JMU starting off the smoke week the right way.
Seen a smoke on campus this year? Have a smoke in a class? Send her Facebook link to DMV@Barstoolsports.com
FB - The Maryland Terrapins are going big this season by offering a huge — gigantic, monstrous even — 24 ounce soft pretzel smothered with back fin crab dip and melted cheese and dusted with Old Bay. Large enough to serve two to four people, the “Chessie” pretzel will be available at Byrd Stadium throughout the 2014 football season. Named for the lesser known lake monster of Chesapeake Bay, the Chessie will cost you $17.50, says the Washington Post — a steal, considering how big it is. There’s also the equally Maryland-inspired crab-covered nachos and french fries, designed to introduce game-goers to “warm Maryland hospitality and cuisine,” according to a release. Whether the newly-inducted University of Maryland is ready to be a Big Ten school or not is yet to be seen, but we can safely say its concession stand is killing the game.
First things first: Maryland came out swinging and KO’d JMU over the weekend. And if you know me, you know I love JMU. Probably the most fun college I ever visited with the most smokes per capita. But we aren’t here to talk about babes, we’re here to talk football. And Maryland football showed they are for real. Sure, JMU isn’t even D-1, but that’s not the point of a 4:45 pm blog. The point is while Maryland teams of the past have had trouble with teams such as Middle Tennessee State and William & Mary, this Maryland team bulldozed through the opener. CJ Brown had his struggles throwing the ball, but the 12th year senior made up for it with his legs, running three in on the ground. Stefon Diggs looked great coming off a broken leg, and the Terps running backs all delivered. That rumbling you felt on Saturday wasn’t an earthquake, it was the entire Big 10 quivering in fear.
Now to the second part, that fucking crab covered pretzel. Did anyone have one? Was it as awesome as it looks? If they are anything like the crab dip covered waffle fries at Camden Yards, $17 is a steal for that thing, for sure.
WWE knows Monday Night Football is starting next week and is going for all the ratings grabs they can. Kinda sucks this is the way they’re going about it, instead of you know, making a better product. I’d say there’s a 0.1% chance Michael Sam shows up, but the WWE sure as fuck doesn’t care- they had his name and face plastered all over RAW last night and it was stupid.
Beginning wrestling chit chat here:
Which brings me to the next point- RAW last night was probably the worst RAW of the year. NOBODY gives a single fuck about this Bella twins nonsense. Good lord it’s terrible. They can’t act their ways out of a paper bag and are getting way more screen time than everyone else on the roster. The WWE was flying high pre-wrestlemania. Everything was clicking, even with that Batista nonsense. It’s all come crumbling apart because they refuse to let their superstars shine. Nothing makes sense. Ziggler doesn’t cut promos on TV, but Roman Reigns does. Guy can’t string together 2 sentences but is allowed an open mic. And by the way, he’s so boring to me. You can already see they are setting him up to be the new Super Cena, and it sucks to sky. The product as a whole is pretty weak right now. Kane is still main eventing. Two guys were over: Bray Wyatt and Dean Ambrose. Wyatt got buried for no reason, and Ambrose went to film a movie. Daniel Bryan is hurt, CM Punk is never coming back, and the champion Brock Lesnar doesn’t even appear on TV.
I switched over to the Saved By The Bell movie on Lifetime last night instead of RAW. And the thing is, we all know HHH is smart, and we all know he probably hates the product he put on TV last night. He has to. Hopefully he can gain more control over the company, because last night, and really the last month or so, have been terrible for the most part. There’s no interesting story lines, they bury people the fans like and push people we hate, and new stars aren’t being created, they are being ruined. And of course Jericho, one of the only bright spots on TV every week, is leaving this month to go on tour with his band.
Now cue the comments letting me know a scripted TV show is scripted!
Pretty sure everyone in the world laughed out loud at “That’s for us to know and you to find out”. Just hilarious. I love how simplistic his attitude is. Nothing has changed for him since 8th grade pee-wee football. He has a force field around him and you can’t tag him. No backsies. Someone heckles him from the sidelines? Well tough shit, heckler, because he’s rubber and you’re glue, whatever bounces off of me stick to you. That’s the RG3 we all know and love. So what if the first team offense couldn’t put a TD up on the board in 4 preseason games? You read the quote. That shit is fixed. And I believe him. I’m an Optimistic Eric, not a Negative Nate. Preseason doesn’t matter. They were working out the kinks. Can’t oil a machine if it doesn’t have any rust, am I right? I’m right. Please let me be right. I can’t go through another year like last year. My liver can’t handle it.
Watch video here and not on the site because our technology predates Geocities.
KHOU - Over the weekend, the Whataburger off of Spring Cypress and the Northwest Freeway turned into a “fight club.” Eighteen-year-old Kenneth Enciu was in the middle of the mess. It started in the packed dining room after a Cy-Woods football game on Friday night. Kenneth says it was all over $10. “He came at my friend and started swinging at him,” said Enciu. That’s when Enciu put his food down and swung right back. “One punch after another that’s how it happened,” he said. “I didn’t really think about it, I just let my anger take control of me.” In an instant, the burger brawl was on. “Chairs were all over the place, everybody was throwing chairs,” he said. Whataburger employees tried to break it up, but more teenagers joined in. The main fight spilled out into the parking lot where it got even more violent. “That’s when everyone went crazy,” said Enciu. Enciu says the whole experience was wild. He feels fortunate no one was arrested or badly hurt. His only regret that night is that he didn’t trust his gut to go through the drive through. “Came for a burger and fries and left with a hurt finger,” said Enciu.
Wirrlllllll starrrrrrrr! I love me a good fast food rumble. Because when you go to a fast food joint, you never know what to expect. Big time wild card. 60% of the time you’ll bump into a homeless crackhead every time. 50/50 shot your order is correct. But that’s part of the deal you make when you go down that road. It’s like getting on a roller coaster at 6 Flags. 90% chance something will malfunction and you might die. But if you didn’t want to take that chance, you wouldn’t have gone to a 6 Flags. Going to a Whataburger after a football game in Texas and not expecting a fight to break out would be like going to a Buffalo Wild Wings and not expecting to bleed out your asshole for the next day and a half. You want the goods, you face the consequences.
PS: Always trust your gut and go through the drive thru. Always. No need to ever get out of your car and risk a punch to the face. No need to get wirllll star’d. How about that kid who had his shirt off just getting pummeled to the ground while every looked on cheering? Good lord bro. Pay the guy his 10 bucks next time.
Total Number of Votes: 11293
MFK Tuesday time. The three stars of the Fappening. Victoria Justice. I had heard the name but didn’t really know who she was. Now I’m all aboard the Justice train. Full speed ahead! She rip rattle and rolled the Fappening. My MVP of the whole thing. Then we have poor JLaw. Had I think the most pics of everyone. Just a freak a deak. America’s sweetheart showing her naughty side. No shame in her game. And I love that side of her. She’s not afraid to get down and dirty. And then poor McKayla. We all knew they existed, but never expected to see them this early. Too soon McKayla. But nothing to be ashamed of. She has a gold medal dumper. Even the Russian judge gives it a 10.
Marry: Victoria. She has the it factor. She’s the hottest tamale on the block. Made my pants do summersaults. Breezy her up for sure.
Fuck: McKayla. Obviously. Gymnast. Dirty side. Full package.
Kill: JLaw. And her week gets worse.
News 24 – Somali security forces have arrested one of the country’s most powerful pirate chiefs, who once hijacked giant vessels earning him multi-million dollar ransoms, security sources said on Tuesday. Mohamed Garfanji was seized late on Sunday in the capital Mogadishu along with several of his well-armed bodyguards, according to foreign and Somali security sources. There was no official confirmation from the internationally-backed government, and sources could not confirm if he was still being held. Both the United States and the Seychelles reportedly want to question him for his alleged kidnapping of citizens from both nations. However, last year President Hassan Sheikh Mohamud offered an amnesty to junior pirates in a bid to end attacks off the Horn of Africa nation’s coast, but said it was not open to their leaders. It was not clear if Garfanji, who was arrested during a disarmament campaign and not for piracy had received an amnesty. The notoriously elusive pirate once commanded a small private army. Ships he captured allegedly include the South Korean supertanker Samho Dream, which was released after nine months in 2010 for a record $9m ransom.
Fucking Twitter man. I think we need to launch an all-out war? Move back to Myspace? They are cracking down on pirates in ways that haven’t been seen in decades, maybe even years. Somalian pirates, internet pirates, parrot cartoon pirates, it doesn’t matter. If you don’t think Twitter has something to do with this Somalian guy getting busted you just aren’t using your head. I don’t know where this crackdown came from or what it means for the future of sea faring internet vessels, but I don’t like the smell of it whatsoever. I’m over here fighting for my Twitter life, doing the doggy paddle while I await for a response to my Suspended Account Reactivation case, and they are moving on to Somalians like I don’t even exist in 140 characters anymore. But that’s where they are wrong. @NateySparrow lives on to continue chasing da booty.
The Sun – A fight broke out inside Baltimore’s Horseshoe Casino on the first weekend after its grand opening. A video of the incident shows security guards wearing yellow shirts rushing to break up the fight, which occurred in the line for Pie-Zetta, a pizza restaurant, around 3 a.m. Saturday. ”Basically, somebody said something … to one person and they took it the wrong way,” said Kevin Forrest, who witnessed the fight. He said a woman sprayed mace before about 20 security guards stopped the fight and escorted people out of the casino. Forrest, who goes by the nickname “Hollywood,” took the video and posted it to Facebook, where it was shared more than 400 times.
Click to watch video
Yes! The first of many! Weaves flying, high heels being swung, mace being sprayed, all over a snide comment in the late night pizza line. Someone probably said they don’t like pepperoni on their pizza, and then all bets were off. Can’t let some thot disrespect your pizza choice like that. Gotta take a stand for what you believe in, no matter where you are, even if it’s the 3am pizza line. Just a little taste of what’s to come. You can put all the security guards in the world in a food court, but when that food court is in a casino in downtown Baltimore, you better believe the donnies will be brooking. And thank goodness our man Hollywood was there to film the whole thing. Nothing better than big black dudes who give themselves nicknames like Hollywood. All in all, just a good warmup fight for the casino. Absolutely can’t wait to see what kind of scraps go down after a drunken Steelers vs Ravens game at M&T bank. I am predicting deaths. You can’t just build a casino in walking distance of the stadium and not expect a royal rumble to break out after every game. They don’t call it the Charm City for nothin!
CBS - RG3 in bronze and boats on the water at Baylor. Before the 10th-ranked Bears beat SMU 45-0 in their first game at McLane Stadium on Sunday night, a 9 1/2-foot bronze statue of Robert Griffin III was unveiled. The statue of Baylor’s only Heisman Trophy winner is in a plaza between the stadium and the Brazos River, where some fans arrived by boat for the game — and others dived in for relief from temperatures in the mid-90s. That plaza is at the end of a 775-foot pedestrian bridge over the water that many fans walk over to get to the stadium. “If you go to Washington D.C., before you go watch the Redskins and Robert, you go see Mr. Lincoln. That’s a great statue. If you’re going to go to New York City, go see the Statue of Liberty,” Ken Starr, the school’s president, said during a dedication ceremony. “When you come to Waco, you’re going to see the statue of Judge Baylor, Coach (Grant) Teaff and Robert Griffin III.” Griffin won the Heisman Trophy in 2011, the same season Baylor won 10 games for the first time since its outright 1980 Southwest Conference title. RG3 played his home games in Floyd Casey Stadium, about 4 1/2 miles from campus, where the Bears were for 64 seasons through last year. It was during Griffin’s last season at Baylor before being the second overall pick in the NFL draft that the idea of a new campus stadium really took off and donations started pouring in to make that a reality. The Bears hadn’t played on the Waco campus since 1935 before Sunday night’s game against SMU. “No, it wasn’t just me. If you look at the guys who came in with me, the guys who were there before we got here. They are all part of it, from Grant Teaff to coach (Art) Briles,” Griffin said, before starting to name a long list of his Bears teammates. “They know we couldn’t have done it without each other.” Sporting a dark green coat representing a primary Baylor color, the Washington Redskins quarterback said he never dreamed of having a statue. “It’s incredible. People are excited about football. I don’t know if we could have said that many years ago when coach Briles and myself and our first class got here,” Griffin said. “Now we have a lot of guys in the NFL. We’ve got a stadium on campus and the future is very bright. But this is only the beginning. There’s much more to come.” Fans chanted “RG3! RG3!” during the statue ceremony more than three hours before kickoff. There were more of those chants after he was introduced on the field to give the opening prayer, in which at one point he exclaimed “Wow!”
Ah yes. The big threesome of statues in the United States of America. The Lincoln Memorial in DC. The Statue of Liberty in New York City. And the RG3 Statue in Waco, Texas. What, is it not normal to put up a statue of a 24 year old in front of your stadium? Seems normal to me. That’s just how he rolls. It’s basically the house the knee built (you know, before the whole shattering into a billion pieces thing). RG3 turned that program around. Won the Heisman. Got the money rolling in. To be honest, I’m surprised they didn’t just name the entire stadium after him. So is it too early for him to have a statue outside the stadium? Of course not. Should they waited until he did a little something more in the NFL, or in the community at Baylor? Of course not. Should his statue be compared to Lincoln’s? Absolutely. RG3 life.
Ok, now go watch film.