The fucking dress.
For about 3 hours all I saw was white and gold. Couldn’t even fathom seeing black. It didn’t make sense to see black. How could there be black? It’s WHITE. How can white be black and gold be blue? Three hours of calling people who saw blue and black idiots. Meanwhile changing the brightness of my phone and laptop, looking at it from every angle, looking at it on other people’s phones, everything. Stayed gold and white.
Then there I am, looking at my phone and POOF! it turns to black and blue. I shit myself. I shook my head as if I just saw a magic trick. If I was black I would have run down the street yelling OHHHHHHHH SHITTTT OHHHHH SHITTTTTTTT! I’ve never seen anything like it before. Looked at 10 more pictures of it. Black and Blue. It’s all I can see now. Even though I’ve seen it white and gold. I know I’ve seen it white and gold, I’m trying to get it black to white and gold, but all I can see if motherfucking blue and black. I’m squinting my eyes and shaking my head and nothing is working. I don’t know why it changed I don’t know how it changed and I don’t like it one bit. Is the government behind this shit? Is it Bin Laden? What the fuck is going on?
I think it’s both colors. This is why Buzzfeed is worth a billion dollars. We buy horses that run in place, they make dresses that captivate the world. Incredible.
Seen this 100 times on Facebook in the last hour. I can’t comprehend it. Half the people on the Earth think this dress is white and gold. Half think it’s blue and black. It’s like when you’re high and talk to your friends about if we see colors the same way they see colors. Is my green your orange? Well I see this dress as 100% white and gold, 0.00000% blue and black. But people are screaming that it is a blue and black dress. I don’t know how.
What do you see. 1 for gold and white, 10 for blue and black.
Ending the smokeshow week with Lyndsay from Towson. Had been a while since we had a Tiger Smoke, and Lyndsay is here to remind us that Towson brings the heat.
Send me all your smokeshow nominations to DMV@Barstoolsports.com.
PHT - The Florida Panthers have made a big splash prior to Monday’s trade deadline, acquiring 43-year-old Jaromir Jagr from New Jersey in exchange for in exchange for a second-round draft pick in 2015 and a conditional third-round draft pick in 2016.
Jagr has scored 11 goals and 29 points in 57 games for the Devils this season, but recently complained about his lack of ice time and the club’s narrowing (virtually closed) window for making the playoffs. While there’s no guarantee he’ll get there with Florida, the Panthers do have a better shot — heading into tonight’s action they’re just two points back of Boston for the final wild card spot in the Eastern Conference.
What a way to end the day. 150 year old Jaromir Jagr going to south Florida to play hockey. Pretty interesting that the Panthers value getting the 8th seed this year more than they value a 2nd round pick (and a 3rd rounder as well), but I think I would too. Playoffs is where the money is, especially for the Panthers who draw roughly 18 people per game.
Jagr obviously isn’t the best player anymore, but any time you can add the NHL’s 5th all time leading scorer who is still producing and a veteran presence in the locker room, it’s not the worst move. Plus he fits in perfectly in Florida, what with all the Bingo halls and early bird dinners and the like.
PS: Pretty nuts Jagr is 5th all-time in points in the NHL. 14 points from moving past Ron Francis into 3rd. And has played about 200 fewer games. And he’s only 1,074 points from passing Wayne Gretzky for first all time. To put that in perspective, 1,074 points would be good for 61st all time in the NHL. So he’s a HOF career away from passing Gretzky. Insane.
There’s a reason the 25 year old is 5th in the league in both GAA and wins, and 97% has to do with how fucking good he is. But that other 3% is because his cages are pure American fire. His masks don’t chip, they bleed red, white, and blue. When you rub the top of it a bald eagle flies out. That’s how you win Stanley Cups. Breathtaking all-American masks.
While I’m here we can talk a little about the Caps loss to the Pens last night. An ugly, ugly game where they took 7 penalties in the 2nd period. Played basically the entire 2nd period shorthanded, it was ridiculous. And despite that, the Caps still stayed in the game and only lost 4-3. One of the uglier games they’ve played all year. Undisciplined to the max. But if they can stay in games vs the Pens when they play like shit, that’s a good omen. Plus, they still won the season series vs the Pens 3 games to 1, which bodes well for a potential post-season matchup. And especially now with Holt’s new mask, they are as dangerous as ever.
Fox 40 – Modesto law enforcement arrested two suspects after a K-9 discovered 26 pounds of heroin hidden in a box of diapers. The Modesto Narcotics Enforcement Team, MNET, made a traffic stop just after 1 a.m. Wednesday morning, in the area of Keyes Road and Highway 99. According to police, during the stop Mark Ulrich of the Modesto Police Department was alerted by his K-9 Stryker of the scent of drugs. Investigators searched the car and found over 26 pounds of heroin hidden in a box of diapers. The suspects Israel Alcazar, 34 from Modesto, and his wife Isabel Soto-Mandragon, 20, were in their car along with their 10-month-old baby. Police say this particular heroin was not cut yet, which means it was in an extremely pure form. Heroin is typically mixed with “cutting agents” or substances to add weight and increase the street value. This more pure form of Heroin will sell for approximately $8,000-$10,000 on the street. Once cut, the street value significantly increases, according to police. MNET says the 26 pounds of heroin they seized from Alcazar and Soto-Mandragon would have a street value of over $2.3 million.
We talk a lot about playing things by ear and not jumping to conclusions. By all accounts, these were good, well meaning parents. We see stories all the time about 4 year old kids who are doing their parents’ drugs, parents who lock their kids in the car when it’s 12 degrees outside, parents who make their kids watch Two Broke Girls, etc. But these guys seem like they had their shit in order with their kid. And were just making money to support it. That’s why I hate when people hate on Heisenberg. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. Meth heads need their meth. They were going to get it one way or another, either from Heisenberg or some knock off shit with the purity of my asshole. All Mr. White was doing was giving them the best meth possible while financially providing for Walt Jr (Fuck calling him Flynn, ever) and Holly.
So let’s not jump to conclusions about Israel Alcazar and his wife Isabel Soto-Mandragon. They obviously weren’t going to get 9-5 jobs in a cube farm. Not going to happen. So instead of getting jobs at a McDonalds and their kid growing up poor and being made fun of at school for having knock-off Sketchers, they said fuck that, let’s move enough heroin to kill a family of elephants. Well worth it. Until you get caught of course. Cause now their kid is in Child Protective Services and will likely be popping out it’s own kids around the age of 14. Win some ya lose some.
That’s how you jump on opportunity. Weed gets legalized in DC, you train every stoner to want Nando’s at 4:20. They should do this for a week straight. Every 4:20, stoners get free chicken. Then after that, stoners are genetically conditioned to want Nando’s at 4:20. It’s Pavlov’s dog type stuff. They’ll just show up at Nando’s and have no idea how they got there, but they will be hungry and it will be very convenient.
And for the record, Nando’s is delicious. I guess they only have them in Europe and the DC area, but man, it’s awesome. It’s sort of like a Boston Market for people who make more than minimum wage. Not a knock on Boston Market, but you can actually go to Nando’s without worrying about catching an STD.
h/t Nick and Ellie
Slick Willy is the man. Just the man. Because you know he was high one night flipping channels and stumbled upon SNL. Saw Pete at the update desk and started Wiki’ing him, just like the rest of us. But that’s what separates Clinton from the rest of us mere mortals: He then gets out his typewriter and stationary and types up a letter and sends it. I’m so down with that. It’s like the only people left alive who do that are Presidents, and that’s the way it should be. And I fully believe it was Clinton himself who did this. Just a man’s man through and through.
The only question is why did it take 3 months to get to Pete? Clinton probably thought Pete was blowing him off (NPI) but it turns out the mail delivery from upstate NY to NYC is the pony express.
And in case you don’t know Pete’s story, he’s a 21 year old stand up comic from Staten Island whose father was a NYC firefighter who died in the 9/11 attacks.
It’s just little things like this that remind us Willy is the man.
Fortune - How does the world’s top investor, at 84 years old, wake up every day and face the world with boundless energy? “I’m one quarter Coca-Cola,” Warren Buffett says. When he told me this in a phone call yesterday (we were talking about the death of his friend, former Coca-Cola president Don Keough), I assumed he was talking about his stock portfolio. No, Buffett explained, “If I eat 2700 calories a day, a quarter of that is Coca-Cola. I drink at least five 12-ounce servings. I do it everyday.” When he’s at his desk at Berkshire Hathaway headquarters in Omaha, he drinks regular Coke; at home, he treats himself to Cherry Coke. “I’ll have one at breakfast,” he explains, noting that he loves to drink Coke with potato sticks. What brand of potato sticks? “I have a can right here,” he says. “U-T-Z”. Investors in Berkshire Hathaway may feel relieved that the CEO isn’t addicted to Utz Potato Stix at every breakfast. “This morning, I had a bowl of chocolate chip ice cream,” Buffett says. Asked to explain the high-sugar, high-salt diet that has somehow enabled him to remain seemingly healthy, Buffett replies: “I checked the actuarial tables, and the lowest death rate is among six-year-olds. So I decided to eat like a six-year-old.” The octogenarian adds, “It’s the safest course I can take.”
HAH! In your face everyone who makes fun of me for eating nonstop fast food. In your stupid faces! Because if you know anything about how logic works, Warren Buffett eating like a 6 year old means I’m going to be extremely rich extremely soon. Is it a coincidence that I have recently opened an IRA and it’s up 2% this year? NOPE. Natey Buffett coming in hot! What should I name my boat? Just kidding, make that plural- boats. My fleet. And it all makes sense now— that time I ate Taco Bell breakfast every day for a week I legit got sick for about a month straight after that. I assume that was just my body adjusting to the wealthy life. Every change you make takes time to get used to. Like when you start going to the gym and your body aches every morning and your shit schedule is all out of whack. Same thing for eating every meal at the Bell. That sickness was just my evolution into being a billionaire.
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