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How Was Your Family’s Christmas? Well Kevin Nash Was Arrested For Choke Slamming His Son, And Then His Son Was Arrested For Beating Up His Mother

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TMZ - TMZ just got the two police reports.

As for Kevin’s arrest … the report says he told cops his son came home wasted and belligerent toward him and Kevin’s wife, then spit in his face and elbow-checked him. Kevin told cops he pinned Tristen to the ground and that’s when Tristen scratched his face. But Tristen said Kevin was berating him over his relationship with his girlfriend. He says Kevin then choke-slammed him to the ground and, just like Kevin’s signature move, Tristen says he hit is head so hard on the ground he blacked out. Cops arrested Kevin because they felt he was the “primary aggressor.” As for Tristen’s arrest two hours later … Tristen’s uncle told cops the young man — who is 6’5″ and 200 lbs — was drunk and had “slung his mom around the kitchen” and tried attacking him as well.

Wrestling superstar Kevin Nash was arrested early Christmas Eve morning — after getting into a bloody fight with his teenage son Tristen … TMZ has learned. The 55-year-old legend — who is currently under contract with the WWE — was taken into custody in Volusia County, Florida after cops received a call about a domestic incident just after midnight. When cops arrived to the scene … they noticed blood on Kevin’s face and arrested Nash. Two hours later, cops received another 911 call from a person claiming 18-year-old Tristen attacked his mother. He was also arrested for battery. Cops tell TMZ alcohol may have been a factor.


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There’s no place like home for the holidayssssss. Get in a little quibble with your mom at dinner? Get in that uncomfortable back and forth with your brother or sister when it’s just kind of awkward and you’re saying one liners and you can cut the tension with a butter knife? Well, good news for you– at least you didn’t get choke slammed by your 6’10 monster of a father. He’s lucky Scott Hal didn’t come out and put a boot in his ass as well. And better news– at least you aren’t an asshole that got choke slammed by your father because you were beating up your mother. Really puts everything into perspective. Fuck this Tristen kid right in his pussy. Thinking he was going to get away with beating up Diesel’s wife? Get a fucking clue dude. Tristen is lucky Big Daddy Cool didn’t jackknife him all the way to China. So hey, even if you didn’t pay off your parents’ mortgage for Christmas, and maybe you got a shitty sweater, but at least you and your father aren’t in jail. Small victories.

By Nate posted December 26th, 2014 at 4:12 PM

My Christmas MVP Goes Out To The One And Only Thurman Merman


Year after year we watch the same movies over and over around Christmas. A Christmas Story, Home Alone, etc etc. Those are well and good and deserve the reputation that they maintain. But I feel like this is the first year Bad Santa has gotten the shine it deserves. Finally. It’s got everything you could ever need. Drunken debauchery, a kinky slut, a midget, and a dead grandmother. A formula for a classic if I’ve ever seen one.

But above all those diabolical characters stands one portly little fucker. The one they call Thurman. Kid’s a dynamo. My favorite Christmas character ever created and I won’t hear otherwise. All the kid wanted was a pink elephant for Christmas and to make a few sammiches. Next thing you know he’s got an advent calendar full of boner pills. Kid possesses a level of naivety that could never be replicated. Every time I hear that yelp when they’re teaching him how to box, I just lose it. Piss my britches every fucking time. Hysterical.

So what was the point of this blog? Just to spread some holiday cheer for some of the poor folks (like myself) who are trapped in the cube on this miserable Friday. We’re subjected to so much shit we didn’t sign up for and today is proof positive of that. Just like our boy Thurman. So let’s enjoy some video clips featuring my Christmas MVP while we try to run this clock out. Merry Christmas.


By banks posted December 26th, 2014 at 2:02 PM

Week 17 Doomsday: Ravens-Browns Preview

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Here we are. Week 17. 9-6 and on the outside of the playoff picture looking in. We got ourselves into this mess and now we need the Chiefs to bail us out. But we gotta beat a pesky 7-8 Browns team first. In Week 3, the Browns gave the Ravens all they could handle. They were a first down away from putting us away, but came up short and Flacco was able to produce a game winning FG drive.

The good news is they don’t even know who is going to be leading their offense. JFF is doused for the year, and Hoyer has a banged up shoulder. So it looks like it’s up to former South Carolina QB Connor Shaw to finish out their season. I’m sure he’s a really great QB just like Case Keenum. Might even go as far as to call him elite.


Keys to a victory besides me trying to jinx their QB:


1. Establish the ground game and keep it there

It’s not scientific. The Brownies give up more yards on the ground than anyone in football, surrendering 142 yards a game. We ran the ball exceptionally well all year until last Sunday, and we abandoned it quickly. Give Forsett 30 carries. Mix Pierce in there for a few. Control the pace and this offense will operate like the well oiled machine that it is. Force them to stack the box and then we can start to open the playbook a little. But first, dominate on the ground.


2. Stop Paul Kruger

The Ravens know him too well and what he’s capable of. I wouldn’t be as worried about the Ravens former 2nd round pick if both of our tackles didn’t get injured last week. Ricky Wagner just had surgery and Eugene Monroe hasn’t practiced this week. James Hurst and John Urschel are going to have to step up in a big way, with all-world guard Marshal Yanda shifting over the right tackle and Urschel taking his place at guard. I would expect Kruger to attack the left edge and try to exploit Hurst. He’s been solid filling in for Monroe this year, but might need help from Forsett in protecting Flacco’s blind side. Whatever gets the job done.


3. Win The Special Teams Battle

In the first BAL-CLE showdown, Billy Cundiff missed 2 FG’s (one of them blocked), and Tucker was 3 for 3.  It’s the only win we’ve had all season where I walked away thinking that we stole one. Special teams and turnovers are how games get stolen. Seeing that we’re at home and not the team starting a 3rd string QB, the Browns are going to have to steal this one from us. So the formula is pretty much keep Flacco comfy (see above) and take care of business on special teams. Don’t allow a special teams TD, convert the FG’s we should, and the rest should figure itself out.


4. Fuck Phil Rivers

Yeah he got the best of us and he’s in position to send us home packing. Whatever. I hate his fucking guts. I hate his stupid fucking antics. I hate his pussy little throwing motion. I hate everything about him. I hate Keenan Allen and his cocksucker TD celebration where he points to his nameplate. I hate Eric Weddle and his wannabe Brian Wilson beard. And I’d hate Nick Novak if he wasn’t such a goddamn stud at Maryland. I hope the Chiefs rape and pillage the Chargers on Sunday. Send them home crying Andy!


By banks posted December 26th, 2014 at 12:15 PM

John Wall Is Too Ridiculous


John Wall, man. John Fucking Wall.



Filthy level a million.


Buy a late Christmas present to support the best PG in the East.


By Nate posted December 25th, 2014 at 2:06 PM

It’s Time For Round 2 Of The Game That’s Sweeping The Nation – Name…That…Reindeer!



Grab some chairs and call the family over to the computer…it’s time to play everyone’s favorite game, Name That Reindeer!


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Answer Key:


Tiffany Toth



Rosie Jones



Jessica Perez



Michea Crawford



Val Keil



Brittney Palmer



Galinka Mirgaeva



Carly Lauren

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Ashlyn Coray



Pia Muehlenbeck



Ho, ho, ho and Merry Natemas to all!

By Nate posted December 25th, 2014 at 11:12 AM

The Kid Freaking Out About Getting An N64 Taking You Into Christmas


Video never gets old. And to be honest, I had a similar reaction two weeks ago when my roommate brought his back from a weekend at home.

Have yourselves a great Christmas.


Natey Claus

By Nate posted December 24th, 2014 at 2:25 PM

The Baltimore Ravens Christmas Album Is The Hottest Xmas Album Ever Made

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Link because the Ravens/NFL don’t let you embed. It’s worth the click though.


Hot hot fire. I was getting down and boogie woogie my tail off to these jams. Our boys have some pipes. Everyone knew Justin Tucker can sing with the best of them, but the others killed it too.


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Brandon Williams, home run. Ever since Ruben Studdard I figure if you’re a big black dude you have pipes, and every day it get confirmed a little more. Never seen a big black dude that can’t sing.


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No joke, this Silent Night duet moved me. So real. So deep.


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Nate thinks they started aggressively making out right after this..and while it is my job to disagree, I would be a liar if I didn’t say I understand where he’s coming from.


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Another A+. So much soul I think my skin turned darker just listening to them.


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If you don’t put in the “Like Pinocchio!” bits into Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, I judge you as a person. Plus not to mention their voices are stunning.


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What above an A+? Because that’s what Jacoby’s “Jingle Bells, Batman Smells” was. If you listen to one song, it’s his.


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And finally, a Kelly Gregg cameo out of nowhere.


All in all, if the Ravens play on the field as well as they sing Xmas songs, we are looking at 5 straight rings.


PS: Very disappointed we didn’t see these three. Very.

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By banks posted December 24th, 2014 at 1:12 PM

All I Want For Christmas Is Bao Bao To Come Down From That Tree

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DCist - Beloved local panda Bao Bao touched a “hot wire” in her National Zoo habitat yesterday, sending her up a tree where she remains. Her mother, Mei Xiang, is reportedly very concerned. From the Zoo: For everyone wondering about giant panda cub Bao Bao, she chose to spend last night outdoors in a tree. Staff determined that Bao Bao touched a ‘hot wire’ in her yard yesterday afternoon. This is a safe warning system used by Zoos for containment. Her reaction was to climb up a tree where she feels safe. This behavior is predictable. Bao Bao is perfectly fine and like all Zoo animals, she is still learning the boundaries of her habitat. Keepers decided to give Mei access to the outdoor yard overnight and she choose to stay with Bao Bao, a likely scenario for a mother panda to stay with her cub in the wild. A keeper stayed overnight in the panda house just in case they decided to come inside. The staff are adjusting the pandas’ routine today and are confident that Bao Bao will come down when she is ready. You can watch Bao Bao hide in the tree via live panda cam.


We’ve watched Bao Bao grow up together. It was around this time last year we saw her for the very first time. Then we watched her try to climb rocks when she fell on her cute panda head. Then it warmed up and Bao Bao went outside and then in July she ate a popsicle.

But now, she’s hiding out in a tree because she accidentally got tazed, which isn’t cool. I don’t want new socks or a sweater, I just want Bao Bao to stop hiding in the tree and maybe for the zoo to stop tazing her while we’re at it. I’d be up in that tree too if I was tryna grub on some bamboo and next thing I know I have 1,000 volts of electricity coming out of my asshole.

PS: Shouts to her mom for sticking with her. Love that family.

By Nate posted December 24th, 2014 at 12:16 PM

Forget Buying Your Family Presents, Put All That Money Into DraftKings NBA Holiday Classic And Win Your Share Of $200,000

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Click to win


Didn’t buy anyone presents again? Too busy with finals or working or being a lazy asshole? No frets. Just use that money and play DraftKings. Drafting the right 8 players on Christmas (hint: John Wall and Marcin Gortat) can win you the top prize of $25,000. Then you can go to the mall and wander around, still having no idea what to buy for anyone…but $25,000 richer.


Contest Details:
-$200,000 Christmas Day Classic
-$25,000 first place prize, top 2,300 places win cash
-Draft a team of 8 players from the 5 NBA games being played on Christmas Day and win a share of $200,000
-Just $20 to enter and you could go home with the $25,000 1st place prize


Click to play


By Nate posted December 24th, 2014 at 11:20 AM

Man Pulled A Gun On a McDonalds Employee For Messing Up His Order And I Totally Get Where He’s Coming From

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Smoking Gun - Tennessee cops are hunting for a McDonald’s patron who pulled a gun on restaurant workers after complaining that his drive-thru order was short a McDouble cheeseburger. According to police, Demetri Johnson, 21, placed an order early last Thursday at a McDonald’s in Nashville. After receiving his food, he pulled away from the restaurant’s drive-thru lane. Johnson, pictured at right, soon returned to the eatery “and complained that he was missing a McDouble cheeseburger,” cops reported. A McDonald’s manager asked Johnson to park his car and promised “he would bring out the missing item.” Detectives allege that after waiting for a few minutes, Johnson entered the restaurant with a gun in his hand. After racking the weapon, he demanded that his McDouble order be fixed. “He and the three women with him also demanded fresh fries and new soft drinks,” cops added. The quartet departed after receiving their food. Johnson is being sought on a felony aggravated assault charge. According to court records, Johnson has previously been arrested for weapons possession and theft. (1 page)


I totally get where he’s coming from here. It is outrageous, preposterous, erroneous to be missing a McDouble from your order. This is my story: Last Saturday, we went to McDonalds. I ordered a few things, we drive up to the window and hand the woman my debit card. She then proceeds to hand me a large Powerade, chicken nuggets, and a filet o fish. So I was like uhhh scuse me, this isn’t the correct order. The woman in the drive thru, I can’t remember her exact words, but it was something like “I know, but that’s what you’re getting”. We were STUNNED. I didn’t want the fucking powerade, and definitely didn’t want that filet o fish at 2am. So I was like what do you mean, can’t you just give me my order? And she said no. So I yelled at her until she gave me my money back. If I had a gun, I can’t promise I wouldn’t have waved that thing around to expedite the process. I think she was just pulling random foods and throwing them into the bag, but I have no idea why she’d give me a drink when I didn’t even order one. And if it was for the car behind us, what was she planning on giving them? It was the most bizarre McDonalds experience of my life.

By Nate posted December 24th, 2014 at 10:42 AM
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