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Must Suck When You “Accidentally” Text Your Probation Officer Looking For Weed

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WALB - An Albany man is going back to to prison, after he texted his probation officer while looking to buy marijuana. Alvin Cross Junior plead guilty Monday to possession of cocaine and was sentenced to one year in prison. He was also sentenced to serve another year for violating his probation. Prosecutors said Cross’ probation officer received a text from Cross asking, “You have some weed?” Probation officers and drug agents raided Cross’ home and found a bag of cocaine.

 

Oh yea, the “accidental” text. We’ve all done that one before. The last ditch effort when you’re all out of options and on edge and just can’t turn your phone off. Whether it’s the desperate text to the girl that’s been ignoring you, or to your probation officer because you want weed, the sigh of relief when you send the text is like nothing other. Forget getting a monkey off your back, it’s a 10,000 pound gorilla. You just feel so, so, so much better after sending that text, and then feel so, so, so awful when you don’t get a text back/get thrown in jail because the cops raid your house and find cocaine. But as someone (I can never remember who because it’s never been posted on this website before), once said, “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”. When you want weed, who else would know where to get some besides your probation officer? It’s great out of the box thinking. Maybe he developed a trust tree with his probation officer and thought he would help him out just this once. Sucks when you think you’re in that tree and then you blink and you’re being hauled away to jail.

By Nate posted October 23rd, 2014 at 12:55 PM

Santana Moss Has a Sweet Tattoo, Brian Orakpo Hates The Cowboys From His Hospital Bed, And Colt McCoy is Starting on Monday Night Football

 

I love the @RedskinsFacts account tweeting the Santana Moss tattoo. In case you don’t remember, Redskins Facts is an organization funded by Dan Snyder that is supposed to give positive PR to the Redskins name. You know, like all teams that don’t use slurs as nicknames do. If Santana Moss has a Native American mural on his leg, and Santana Moss plays for the Redskins, then the Redskins name can’t possibly be racist. That’s called logic folks.

 

 

Amen brother. Might be going into surgery for the second time in three years, but if he dies under the knife, the last thing he wanted to say was fuck the Cowboys. Fuck them right in their pussies. That shitty franchise who has won 2 playoff games in the 18 seasons since their last Super Bowl in 1995. 2! America’s team my asshole. And if you think this team is going anywhere this season, I have a text from a girl to show you as well. Just not going to happen. HTTR and fuck Dallas, and Tony Romo like cats.

 

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Just a quick reminder this stud is leading the Skins into Dallas on Monday to lay the smackdown on all the Cowboys candy asses. Winning games is kind of what Colt McCoy does. It’s his thing. His cinnamon apple. He’s kind of used to winning in Texas, been doing it his entire life.

 

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By Nate posted October 23rd, 2014 at 12:00 PM

Maryland Gymkana Jumping Through Rings Of Fire Always Impresses Me

 

Just wanted to toss this up because it never ceases to impress me. I don’t know how you learn to jump through burning hoops, but it sure does impress me every time I see it. All that flippy shit does. It’s just so cool. But whatever, I’m not going to beat myself up over the fact I’m an unathletic zilch and they can fly. Because if they think they’re more talented than me, they’re wrong. Sure, I can’t do a triple backflip, but have they ever eaten the entire Taco Bell breakfast menu? Exactly.

 

PS: Maryland bball’s first exhibition game is next Saturday. Feels good to have college hoops back already. Feels real good.

By Nate posted October 23rd, 2014 at 11:15 AM

A Substitute Teacher in DC Blew a Student On The First Day Of School, He Recorded It On His Phone, And I Guess That’s All Frowned Upon

 

NBC - A substitute teacher in D.C. accused of having sex with a student on her first day at the school pleaded not guilty. Symone Greene, 22, was working at Options Public Charter School in Northeast D.C. on Friday when she first met the victim, a 17-year-old football player, according to court documents. The student told police he was working as an office assistant and helped Green twice that day in her English class. The student says he flirted with Greene during class, gave her his cell phone number, and later received a text message from her. While the student did not recall the exact contents of their messages, he said he did ask if she was “kinky.” She allegedly responded, ‘I don’t tell[;] I show,” court documents state. Toward the end of the school’s pep rally that day, the teen went to Greene’s classroom, where she allegedly performed oral sex behind the teacher’s desk. The victim recorded the sex act and later shared the video with his teammates and a childhood friend. Greene has been charged with first-degree sexual assault against a minor in a significant relationship. Although the age of consent in D.C. is 16, Greene was charged because she was the teen’s teacher. According to D.C. law, age-of-consent rules are not in play in when it comes to “significant relationships,” which include teachers and their students. Greene had a court date Wednesday, where she pleaded not guilty and was ordered to stay away from the vicitm, minors and Options Public Charter School.
 

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Oh so what, a teacher sucked a student’s dick on the first day of school. Big whoop. Is that illegal now? Can’t suck dicks on the first day of school? Obama’s America, ladies and gentlemen. She got back from a long summer vacation, and just wasn’t ready to give it up quite yet. Couldn’t quit cold turkey. So she began easing herself off the party train. First she was going to give blowies, then HJs, then OTPHJs, then just the occasional busy hallway bump n run. So let’s all calm down on charging her with all sorts of crimes.

Plus, how could she resist this sort of smooth talk?
 
 

 
AWESOME! Now I’m left wondering what number he was. Would say a lot about the kid. Gotta be a QB right? If I had to guess, it’d probably be 7. Seems like a reasonable number of times to get blown for a 17 year old. Not too outrageously high, but still kinda cocky, acting like he can go 7 times in a day. Anything more than that he’s just not being truthful, anything less he’s not going to impress the substitute teacher.

By Nate posted October 23rd, 2014 at 10:25 AM

Can’t Help But To Laugh Out Loud At Every Math Teacher Ever- There is Now An App That Will Solve Any Equation Instantly When You Point Your Camera At It

 

Forbes - Math is one of the hardest subjects in school, which is why owning a graphing calculator seems like a necessity for students. But what if you could use your smartphone to solve equations by pointing the camera at the problem in your textbook instead of using a graphing calculator? That is the idea behind PhotoMath. PhotoMath is a free mobile app that can read and solve mathematical expressions using your smartphone camera in real time.

PhotoMath may sound like it is simply helping kids cheat, but the app also provides a step-by-step guide showing how each of the problems are solved. The step-by-step guide is beneficial to students that do not have access to a tutor and struggle with solving math problems. Parents can also use the PhotoMath app to jog their memory when teaching math to their kids.

“PhotoMath currently supports basic arithmetics, fractions, decimal numbers, linear equations and several functions like logarithms. New math is constantly added in new app releases,” says the description of the PhotoMath app on iTunes. The PhotoMath app uses optical character recognition (OCR) technology to read the equation and calculates the answers within seconds. There is a red frame in the PhotoMath app that you have to use to capture the equation.
 
 

“Show your work”, “you’ll use math every day for the rest of your life”, “no calculators”. HAHAHAHA. All bullshit math teacher cliches that are now completely irrelevant. Math teachers, you guys are irrelevant. Ok, not completely. Math teachers from 7th grade on up, none of you matter any more. The ones that teach you how to add and subtract, you guys still matter. That’s the math that teaches you how you leave a tip. But after that, peace out math, we have an App for you now.

I mean this from the bottom of my heart, in all my years of going to school and college, I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing in life that is more bullshit than math. Nothing. It’s like learning another language, only you can never travel to Mathland and use it like you can with Spanish. The more I think about it, the more it bothers me. The things you “learn” in calculus and then another calculus class could not matter less in real life. We never learned how to pay taxes. Never learned how credit cards worked. But I’m SURE rise over run and this shit mattered.
 

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Math is such a load of horse shit. Out of every teacher I’ve ever had, the worst was this guy Mr. Matters in 11th grade. The biggest asshole I’ve ever met in my life. Hated 99% of his students, was a terrible teacher, and an all around horrible person to be around. I learned nothing from him. Nobody did except that math is horrendously unimportant and some people are just shitty.

Of course this App is going to cause tons of kids to fail because they are going to use it on their homework then have no idea how to do it on a test. Which even further shows how ridiculous math is. If you can get the right answer by using an App, why does it matter how you get there? Things change. Technology evolves. We aren’t still hand writing books anymore, no, we have computers. Things make it easier for us to get shit done. That’s what this App is.

By Nate posted October 23rd, 2014 at 9:36 AM

Wake Up With Sarah Stage

 

 

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By Nate posted October 23rd, 2014 at 9:00 AM

Video: Fuck This Guy Who Jumped The White House Fence And Then Kicked a Secret Service Dog

 

Seriously, what the fuck? Why are people jumping over the White House fence all of a sudden? I’m surprised there isn’t a sniper on the roof 24/7 ready to snipe these dumb fucks heads off who are stupid enough to do this shit. Can we start doing that, starting with this guy? Have him try to kick that dog again. Double dare him. But this time they blow his brains to Bolivia. Stop jumping over the fence, asshole maniacs.
 

By Nate posted October 22nd, 2014 at 9:09 PM

The Penguins Honored Cpl. Nathan Cirillo And The City Of Ottawa Beautifully Tonight

 
Chills.

Tragic day in Ottawa, and amazing job by the Penguins honoring Cpl. Nathan Cirillo, the wounded, and the city of Ottawa tonight.
 

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By Nate posted October 22nd, 2014 at 8:20 PM

Barstool DMV Smokeshow of the Day – Haili From JMU

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Smokeshow Haili from JMU ending the Wednesday the right way.

I’m running low on smokes. Need your help. If you know of a smoke, send their Facebook links to DMV@Barstoolsports.com. We never say who nominated them.

 

 

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By Nate posted October 22nd, 2014 at 5:45 PM

High Ranking Baltimore Police Chief Is Being Charged With Theft After Being Caught Falsifying Information To Get a Pay Raise, You Know, Like Everyone In The World Does

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Sun - A high-ranking Baltimore Police commander who the agency said had stepped down for “personal reasons” in April was charged Wednesday with theft for allegedly falsifying information to obtain a salary increase. Prosecutors said Lt. Cliff McWhite, who was approaching the end of his 19th year on the force when he resigned, was charged through a criminal information with theft following a joint investigation by the State’s Attorney’s Office and Baltimore Police. McWhite is alleged to have “falsified information in order to obtain an increase in his salary in 2008 and 2009,” prosecutors said. They did not elaborate. Records show McWhite was paid $100,017 in fiscal year 2013, from a base salary of $98,000. Reached for comment, a Baltimore Police spokesman said McWhite was a “former employee” and that “we don’t have anything to say about that.”

 

This story caught my eye because it’s outrageous to think anyone in the world doesn’t lie on their resume. We all do it, and employers know it. What are you going to do, not exaggerate? I’m the least organized person in the world, but if you don’t think I have a bullet point on my resume that says something about “works well and stays organized in high pressure situations”, you’re kidding yourself. Everyone spews that BS. So what if you are just an intern who gets coffee, did you happen to sit at a computer that had access to the company Twitter account? Yes? Well there you go- “managed the company Twitter account with over 50,000 followers”. It’s not lying, it’s just merely stretching the truth. This guy was on the police force for 19 years and they are charging him with theft because they didn’t investigate his resume a little deeper? That’s on them, not him. It’s not like it impacted his work, by all accounts he was the GOAT at his job. Just got a few extra dollars for doing it. And if we’re being real real, that’s the kind of guy I want working for me anyway. Willing to take chances. Put his nuts on the line for the big pay day.

By Nate posted October 22nd, 2014 at 4:50 PM
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