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The Ravens Can Leave The Bengals In The Dust With A Win In Cincinnati On Sunday

Cincinnati Bengals v Baltimore Ravens


This right here… this is a big one. As big as as Week 8 games get. Yeah the Ravens lost in Week 1 to this same team. Yeah they looked like shit on their home field. But that doesn’t matter anymore. A lot has changed in 8 weeks. The world is a completely different place. Ebola is everywhere. Bloggers have gotten married. And the Ravens have gotten really good at football and the Bengals haven’t. So there’s that. Win takes us to 6-2 and drops them to 3-3-1. Puts a real dagger in their AFC North hopes. So here are your keys to avenging a Week 1 disaster:


1. Get off to a fast start

A pretty typical goal for a road game. Silence the crowd on the road, build yourself a nice little lead. The reason this is paramount is because it’s exactly what doomed the Ravens earlier this season. That first half of Week 1 was legitimately the worst half of football I’ve ever watched Baltimore play in my life. Everyone was out of sync. They’ve been exactly the opposite in the weeks since, so hopefully that was just a bump in the road to learning this new offense. On the other side, the Bengals were miserable in the first half last week. Started the game in Indianapolis off with 8… EIGHT 3-and-out’s. That’s awful. They’re going to be striding to fix that as well. Shut them down quick, put points on the board, and run the ball right down their throats the rest of the day.


2. Crush Andy Dalton

I said the same thing before Week 1. Andy Dalton is a pussbag. He has no ability to escape the rush and make plays. He has no ability to step up in the pocket when it collapses and make confident throws. He stinks. The problem was we didn’t take him down even once in the loss. Zero sacks. Again, this is another area where we’ve improved drastically. There’s no reason why a foursome of OLB’s like Dumervill, Suggs, McPhee, and Upshaw shouldn’t be racking up 5+ sacks every week. And that’s exactly what they’ve done the last two weeks. If they keep it up this week, the Bengals don’t stand a chance on putting up more than 14. Whittle that down to 7 if AJ Green isn’t around for Dalton to throw prayers up to. Crush the ginger, win the football game.


3. Attack the middle of the field

Here’s where the Bengals have been exposed most the past few weeks. The turning point of their season was that SNF game against New England. Tom Brady picked them apart up the middle of the field, running the ball between the tackles and throwing play-action up the hashes. Since then, Carolina and Indy have done the same against Cincy with great success. We’re going to do the same and then some. We’re going to have no problem running the ball right down their throats. We have the 3rd most rushing yards in the league and they’re the 3rd worst against the rush.With that comes the easy throws up the middle. I love Owen Daniels in this game for that reason, and the Ravens should be able to hang 35+ on em.


4. Red-Zone defense

The Ravens fought and clawed their way back into that Week 1 game, and even took a lead with 5 min left. But they don’t even sniff a win if the defense didn’t play out of their minds in their own territory. Bengals only went into the half up 15-0 after we were able to hold them to 5 field goals. Plainly put, we avoided a bloodbath. I guarantee the Bengals are putting emphasis on punching those balls in and capitalizing on those opportunities. Those opportunities should be few and far between now that the Ravens secondary is finally healthy, but the sentiment remains (and always does). Bull your neck in the red zone.



Let’s rapid fire this one home…

Why you should feel shitty about Sunday’s game: Week 1. That’s it.

Why you should feel great about Sunday’s game: Number 1 in point differential in the league. Number 1 in points allowed defensively. Number 1 in percentage of drives scored on. Number 1 in red zone defense. Forsett is number 1 in YPC. Steve Smith lives for AFC North football. Will Hill should be all-in this week. A healthy Webb. A banged up (or inactive) AJ Green. Eugene Monroe may be back. No way Jacoby Jones goes another week without busting one. An elite quarterback. And as always… Justin Tucker.

By banks posted October 24th, 2014 at 11:10 AM

Josh Childress Update: Throwing Massive Elbows In The Australian Basketball League


Source - It’s early into the Australian NBL season and Josh Childress is dominating for the Sydney Kings. He’s averaging 19 points per game, 9.5 rebounds, 1.4 steals — and one MAMMOTH elbow to the face.


Pow, right in the kisser. Childress is not fucking around. Great form on the running elbow. When his basketball career fizzles out, he might want to give Vince McMahon a call. Seems like we have a natural on our hands.

If he is banned from the Aussie league, which apparently he might be, I hope he can jump back into the NBA somewhere. He’s always been fun to watch, just a shame he has RG3 legs that shatter when the wind blows.


By Nate posted October 24th, 2014 at 10:20 AM

Ocean City Man Arrested When He Choked Out a Waiter Who Didn’t Bring His Girlfriend Chicken Fingers



MD Dispatch - An Ocean City man was arrested on first-degree assault and other charges last weekend after choking a waiter at a Boardwalk restaurant when his female companion did not get the chicken fingers she ordered. Around 11:25 p.m. last Saturday, Ocean City Police responded to the Brass Balls Saloon on the Boardwalk near 12th Street for a reported assault that had already occurred. OCPD Communications advised the responding officers an individual wearing a Howard Johnson shirt and name tag had reportedly choked a victim in the restaurant before going back to the hotel, which is located in the same block on the Boardwalk. OCPD officers went to the hotel and made contact with male wearing a Howard Johnson shirt. The officers were able to identify the individual as Carl Ludovic Saint-Juste, 22, of Ocean City. The officers asked Saint-Juste if he had just choked somebody out, to which he responded, “if there was a fight, somebody would have been leaking and bruised,” according to police reports. OCPD officers then went back to the Brass Balls Saloon to interview the victim, who was a waiter at the restaurant. The victim told police he was sitting at a table when a female patron, who had come in with two other males, approached him and complained she did not receive the chicken fingers she had ordered. The victim told police another of the two men accompanying the female also confronted him about the missing order. While the victim was speaking with the other male, Saint-Juste allegedly snuck up behind him and began to choke him. The victim told police he pulled down Saint-Juste’s arm in an attempt to stop him from choking him, but the suspect would not relieve his grip. The victim told police his airway was compromised and he was unable to breathe as Saint-Juste continued to choke him and he feared he could be seriously injured if the suspect did not stop. The victim told police Saint-Juste did not stop choking him until someone else in the establishment yelled at him to stop. The victim told police he felt pain in his neck and back after the suspect stopped choking him. An OCPD officer watched video surveillance of the incident and observed Saint-Juste choke the victim for 12 seconds while the victim was seated in a chair. “Saint Juste snuck up behind the victim and forcefully choked him,” the statement of charges reads. “The victim was unable to breathe, and because he was unable to breathe, he was in danger of serious bodily injury or death.” Saint-Juste was arrested and charged with first- and second-degree assault. He was held initially on a $25,000 bond, but at a bond review on Tuesday, his bail was reduced to $10,000 and he was released.

I see this two ways:

1) This is the wakeup call the waiter needed. Can’t just willy nilly forget someone’s chicken fingers and expect to get off scot-free. You just open up a slippery slope when you start doing that. There’s nothing worse than being at a restaurant and not getting your food. Nothing. Sitting there while everyone asks if it’s ok to start eating while they pick at their fries, guilting you. And then when you say “it’s fine, don’t wait for me, it’s really ok” all of a sudden everyone climbs up on their high horses and does that “oh no no no, we’ll wait, really”. So to avoid that situation, maybe you do have to choke a bitch.

2) Nobody likes the guy who picks his girlfriend’s fights. Always being the hardo, picking fights with any person who as much as looks at his girlfriend. Relax bro. Stop thinking that everyone is going to plow your girlfriend at all times. And nice job trusting her big guy. The girl who didn’t get the chicken fingers can figure out chicken fingergate herself.

By Nate posted October 24th, 2014 at 9:37 AM

Wake Up With Elle Basey


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By Nate posted October 24th, 2014 at 9:00 AM

This Back And Forth Between Conan O’Brien and Madeleine Albright is A Reminder That Twitter Is Awesome

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Sometimes it blows my mind how cool technology is. Can we just take a second and appreciate how awesome Twitter is? Millions of people talking back and forth every day. Access to information immediately. And today we have Conan O’Brien making a joke about Madeleine Albright (great reference, Conan!) and Albright chirping back. Twitter is amazing.

PS: Conan is doing this thing where nobody hears about him for 6 months at a time, then he comes out with a really funny sketch or in this case, completely random tweet. I’ll forever miss old, funny Conan.


By Nate posted October 23rd, 2014 at 6:57 PM

DMV Smokeshow of the Day – Courtney

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Gorgeous Courtney ending the smokeshow week the right way.

You can nominate smokes by sending Facebook links to


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By Nate posted October 23rd, 2014 at 5:30 PM

Don’t Try To Tell Me Zach Mettenberger Isn’t Your Favorite QB In The NFL Right Now



Not sure any more words are needed. Get some indeed. So jealous the Titans have their QB situation figured out for the next 10 years. Maybe the Skins can trade 10 picks for him? Hopefully.

By Nate posted October 23rd, 2014 at 5:05 PM

Today In Nature: A Baby Rhino Gets Bitch Slapped By a Giraffe


It’s no secret, I love these videos. Hawk vs Drone, Sharks and Sea lions, whales vs kayaks, the list goes on and on. Here we have a baby rhino just bugging the shit out of a giraffe trying to go about his damn day. Probably has a PTA meeting to attend, dinner to prepare, other grown adult shit to do, and that little shit rhino won’t leave him alone. Bitch slapped! Taught rhino bro a lesson real quick. If this was at an American public school, little Rhino’s parents would be suing everyone left and right, but it’s different out there in nature (or at a zoo, what’s the difference right?). It’s like the old days. Fuck with the wrong guy, your ass is grass.


By Nate posted October 23rd, 2014 at 4:35 PM

The Entire NFL Just Got Put On Notice By Zach Mettenberger


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Watch out NFL, there’s a new bad boy in town, and he goes by the name Zach Mettenberger. We don’t know what he’s capable of, but one thing is for sure, I am so glad the Redskins played the Titans last week. Pray for Banks, as the Ravens will have to tackle the stache and the flow on November 9th. Can we talk about his hair real quick? It’s gorgeous. It should have it’s own Instagram page where it just takes tropical vacations and takes selfies nonstop. It’s that pretty.


By Nate posted October 23rd, 2014 at 3:35 PM

This Little Asshole Gets Himself Stuck In a Claw Machine, And Is Then Proposterously Given a Free Toy

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Fox 6 - At 18 months old, Colin Lambert is like most kids his age. He’s a rough and tumble kid who enjoys out-flanking his parents. And that’s exactly what he did earlier this week — when he got himself stuff in a toy vending machine. Colin’s grandmother was watching him — and looked away for a moment while at the laudromat. “I got a text message, looked down, flicked it, looked down and didn’t hear the bang. And with Colin, you have to hear the bang or you don’t see him for another 10 seconds,” said Diane O’Neill, Colin’s grandmother. “All I could see was his feet, he had already called in. I grabbed his feet and he kicked my hand and he got in climbed up and over glass partition and sat down in the toys.” O’Neill quickly called the police and her daughter who was sleeping after a long day at work. Colin never got upset about what happened. After all, he had a bunch of toys to play with while firefighters got him out. Once Colin was freed, we’re told the firefighters let Colin take one toy home.


I’m not being a hardass or anything, I fully believe it’s preposterous to think he deserved anything other than to be AP’d til the cows come home. You have to start learning sometime. You can’t just willy nilly crawl into any old place and expect to get away with it. Actions have consequences. You know how hard those claw games are? Impossible. Impossibly hard. I respect him trying to crawl in there, steal one or two stuffed animals, and then get out. But he didn’t have the heart. No heart at all. Once he got in there, he wasn’t willing to make the leap back down to get out. Pussy ass bitch. So then what do the police do when they get there? Award him with a free stuffed animal! What in the wide world of fuck is going on out there? Awarding him for cheating and then getting caught? I get it, if you go to an arcade, you have to find every edge you can find. But if you’re caught, you don’t get rewarded. So now this guy is going to go through life thinking he can do whatever he wants with no consequences. We’ll see how that goes for him.

By Nate posted October 23rd, 2014 at 3:00 PM
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