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Mildly Amusing Video Of A Reporter Locking Himself Out Of His Car During a Live TV Shot

 

These poor saps who have to go out into the elements and brave the storms just for our amusement on TV. It’s like when the weathermen are standing out in the hurricanes and get demolished by the wind and are hanging on for dear life. They just go down the list and find the lowest guy on the pole to go out there, it’s his time to shine, and then he locks himself in the snow. Way to be a professional for me. Needed him to report on the snow. Needed him to hold the stupid measuring stick in the snow and give me that exact measurement. Needed him to tell me “it’s cold outside”. Terrible reporting from him.

By Nate posted March 5th, 2015 at 4:41 PM

If The DC Cops Have Seized Your Weed Apparently You Can Walk Into The Police Station And Get It Back

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RT – A Washington, DC man walked into a police station, and asked for marijuana. The cops gave it to him. It’s no joke or riddle, but the reality of pot legalization in the nation’s capital. However, there is a hitch ‒ the weed already belonged to him. “He walked in to recover his property from a recent arrest,” Ward 7 Councilmember Yvette Alexander, who was told of the exchange by a staff member who witnessed it, told WAMU. “He walked in and said, ‘I want my property back, and want to make sure I get my weed back’.” “Dude said, ‘I want my weed back’,” she told the Washington City Paper. “The police gave him his weed back. He knew the law.”

A person whose marijuana or marijuana-infused edible goods was seized pursuant to Part IV.D. [Possession of Two Ounces or Less of Marijuana by Persons Appearing to Be Under 21 Years of Age] may seek the return of their property by visiting the station in the District where the marijuana was seized no sooner than 24 hours after the seizure

 

USA! USA! USA!

For every stupid law we have…and we have a lot of stupid laws, it’s good to see you can trot on down to your nearest police station and get your weed back if it was taken from you before. Makes me feel like actual progress is being made outchea. Two weeks ago (if you were black) you couldn’t smoke weed without being thrown in jail. Now you can waltz into a police station and walk out with an ounce. It’s pretty cool. It’s like we’re inching closer and closer to everyone being cool with weed. Pretty wild that in say…10 years, probably even less, it’s going to be completely standard to see pot shops on the corner the way we see liquor stores now.

 

By Nate posted March 5th, 2015 at 3:34 PM

“Cute Mugshot Girl” Went Ahead And Got Herself Arrested Again

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HuffPo – Alysa Bathrick, 18, whose booking photo went viral last year after she shared it on Twitter, was collared again Monday in Raleigh, North Carolina on shoplifting charges, the New York Daily News reports. She appears to revel in the fame she cultivated when she posted her mugshot on Dec. 1 last year with the tweet, “Surrendered myself at 7 a.m., got released at 11:30 a.m. Fuck what you heard. And my mugshot’s cute.”

 

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When another user asked her what she was in for, she replied, “Xanax homie.” Bathrick quickly earned the moniker “Cute Mugshot Girl” as well as thousands of creepy Twitter followers. But on Monday, she added another mugshot to her growing gallery. She’s been arrested at least three times in North Carolina on charges including a pair of assaults, the Daily News reports.

 
 

Fuck what ya heard, this bitch is back. She lives for being the cute mugshot girl. It’s her thing. She knows that when she needs attention she can catch a simple assault case and take a cute af mugshot and win our hearts and dicks all over again.

Now here’s the problem: You see the two pics I put at the top? Cute girl. But she got a bit chunkier in mugshot 2. For most people it wouldn’t matter if they put on a couple lbs between Thanksgiving and New Years, but when you’re Cute Mugshot Girl you have to get on that scale and tighten it up. You have a reputation to uphold. Not great for her #brand. Can’t be letting that holiday weight take over. But anyway, let’s fast forward to the third arrest mugshot….

 

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Now I’m all sorts of confused. Looks cute as all get out again, but with a big ol’ rash on her head. Looks like the pressure of being Cute Mugshot Girl is taking a toll on her. She better watch out, some other minx is going to start pushing Xanys and next thing you know this girl will be on the island of misfit mugshot girls. Clean that shit up and go get arrested again, show us you still have your fastball. No more of this bush league shit.

 
 

By Nate posted March 5th, 2015 at 2:35 PM

Earth Day Coming in Hot This Year With a Concert on The Mall With No Doubt, Fall Out Boy, Usher and a Bunch of Others

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DCist - In honor of the 45th Earth Day celebration, a bunch of chart-topping pop stars will perform a free concert on the National Mall. You know, for the earth. On April 18, the Earth Day Network and The Global Poverty Project will host the “Global Citizen Earth Day,” which will feature performances from No Doubt, Usher, Fall Out Boy, Mary J. Blige, Train, and My Morning Jacket. There will also be guest appearances by Common and D’Banj and the whole event will be hosted by will.i.am and Soledad O’Brien. Though the free event, which will take place on April 18, promises a lot of music, you can also expect equally as much activism. Organizers of the event say this is part of a “widespread effort to mobilize global citizens in the climate and environmental movement and the poverty and development movement, and to drive bold commitments from governments, businesses, and individuals.” In previous Earth Day celebrations on the National Mall—in 2009 and 2012—activists and advocates spoke about environmental issues in between sets.

 

Shouts to Earth Day! Sneakily crawling up the holiday power rankings in the last 5 years. As a mid-major holiday you don’t really think about Earth Day but it always shows up when it counts and makes a big run. Of course it’s never going to knock off the Thanksgivings or the Christmases or the Halloweens of the world, but it’s definitely working on getting into the discussion. And it has without a doubt taken Flag Day behind the shed. Haven’t heard a damn peep out of Flag Day in years. It’s all about global warming. So hot right now. (A+ joke.)

 
 

PS: How about No Doubt comin out of nowhere to headline this thing?? That’s pretty cool. If you aren’t down with No Doubt you aren’t livin’. And headlining over Usher and Fall Out Boy to boot. So many smash hits.

 

 

 

 
 

PS: The first cassette tape I ever owned was Usher’s Nice and Slow. Was very confusing for a 5th grade Nate. Still is now tbh.

 

By Nate posted March 5th, 2015 at 1:48 PM

Lana Has Ass on Ass on Ass on Ass

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Good lawd. Never realized her ass was bigger than the sun. And the cockiest Instagram caption I’ve ever seen:

 

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She’s gone from FSU Cowgirl with Jenn Sterger

 

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To model

 

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To backup singer in Pitch Perfect

 

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To WWE chick

 

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h/t @PMillerChi

By Nate posted March 5th, 2015 at 12:55 PM

Guy Tells Ronda Rousey She Doesn’t Have The Strength To Compete With A Man…She Proceeds To Break His Ribs

 

 

 
 
 

I guess that’s what happens when you challenge the baddest bitch on the planet, she breaks your ribs. Maybe kills you. She literally could have killed that schlub.

 

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Don’t fight Ronda Rousey. Noted. Gonna write that one down.

 
 

For the record, I think I for sure last longer than that woman did over the weekend. Her mistake was trying to fight. The plan is to just run around as long as possible. Obviously.

 
 

 

By Nate posted March 5th, 2015 at 12:05 PM

A New Bill Cosby Accuser Claims He Made Her Smear Oatmeal On Her Face And Act Like a Queen

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Breaking - The woman says Cosby invited her to a dinner party in the year 1978 and was served one of Cosby’s notorious ‘drinks’: “I felt alarm bells go off because it did feel intimate, but I was trying to be so grown up and mature.” According to the article, Cosby made her act like a queen while having oatmeal on her face, before she ended up becoming unconscious: “It was so creepy. He told me to convince him that I could remain regal and queenlike no matter what I looked like. I would leave the room and walk back in, pretending to be a queen with oatmeal on her face, and he would tell me I was doing it wrong and to go back and try again. Then, I started to feel weird from the drink. And then I don’t remember much.” After blacking out, she woke up naked to Bill allegedly in a bathrobe, who then apparently told her that she vomited and passed out. More than 2 dozen accusers have told accounts of abuse by Bill Cosby dating as far back as 1969.

 

This story is so ridiculous that it has to be true. It reads like some sort of fucked up Mad Libs.
 

________ (Proper Noun) went ahead and _________ (Crime) a woman after making her ____________ (Ridiculous act involving food) while acting like a ________ (Noun).
 

I know it’s not funny that a woman got raped, but come on. The visual of Cosby making a woman smear oatmeal on her face and then doing a royal wave is so absurd. That is a hell of a move by him. So cocky. It’s like he was playing a game with his buddies to see who could get chicks to do the most ridiculous shit…(before they raped them).
 

Meanwhile this is woman number 1,205 that has come out and said Bill Cosby slipped a lil somethin somethin into her drink. And the Coz just keeps going on his merry way, performing standup and even cracking some good ol’ fashioned rape jokes along the way. And all the while, I feel like it’s almost as if nobody even cares. It’s just a normal part of the news now. “Beeber wiped his own ass for the first time today, Smokeshow City finished last, and Bill Cosby raped a chick. That’s the Rundown”.

By Nate posted March 5th, 2015 at 11:20 AM

McDonald’s Has a New CEO And His Plan Is To Make McDonald’s Healthier…Wait What?

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Fortune – McDonald’s announcement today is a big deal. In case you missed it, the fast food giant said that within the next two years it will only use chickens “raised without antibiotics important to human medicine,” and later this year will use milk from cows that are not treated with the artificial growth hormone rbST. With McDonald’s size and scale, the move could force real change, pushing the industry and suppliers to implement new food standards across the board. He clearly realizes McDonald’s needs to move quickly to better align with today’s consumers. Rather than try to change people’s minds about McDonald’s, he’s changing the food in a real way. It’s a good start.

 

I get what this new CEO is doing, but I don’t like it..I don’t like it one bit. I’m not going to eat healthy food at McDonald’s, not even if there’s a fire. This is the way it works- I feel lazy/sad/depressed/all three, I look in my fridge and decide nothing I have in there will do the trick, and I mosey on over to McDonald’s. I don’t want to be greeted with a sign that says “responsibly raised” or any of that shit. I’m not there for a science fair project, I’m there to eat until I hate myself. At the end of the day, if anyone gave a fuck about eating right or how the cows were slaughtered, or what growth hormone was put into the pink slop they call chicken nuggets, nobody would go to McDonalds. But we don’t care. What we do care about is getting 5 different things and some of that nice sweet McDonald’s ketchup that I will argue to my death tastes better than any other ketchup. Again, I go to the drive thru, the undocumented worker gives me my bag of fatness, and we get on with our days. If they decide to get all healthy on me I have a good red headed friend named Wendy who makes delicious junior bacon cheeseburgers who can fill my void in the blink of an eye.

 

By Nate posted March 5th, 2015 at 10:30 AM

Chris Paul Screaming at DeAndre Jordan To Shoot The Ball Is One Of The Funniest Clips In a Long Time

 

SI - Chris Paul was hopping mad as the Clippers gave away a 10-point lead in the final three minutes before losing to the Blazers 98-93 in overtime on Wednesday. Paul’s frustration hit its peak in the closing seconds of regulation. With 2.8 seconds remaining and the game tied at 87, Paul tossed up a potential game-winning runner that banked off the glass and rimmed out. The rebound then fell to DeAndre Jordan, who grabbed the ball but held it in his hand instead of attempting a putback, seemingly because he believed that time had expired. Although the shot clock had run out, there did appear to be some amount of time remaining in the game when Jordan collected the rebound. However, the situation was complicated by the fact that the game clock got stuck at 0.7 seconds. Clippers color commentator Michael Smith couldn’t help but yell, “D.J., shoot the ball!”

 

 

Absolutely hilarious. DeAndre Jordan with his 2k awareness turned down to 0. In his defense he heard a buzzer, but didn’t realize that was the shot clock. Meanwhile poor Chris Paul is jumping up and down like a mad man trying to get him to just dunk the fucking ball. You can just feel the frustration pouring out of his body as he looks at big dummy DeAndre standing there without a clue in the world. It’s like DeAndre was standing there all proud of himself, like “look ma, I got the basketball! I did it!” While everyone else is like “motherfucker SHOOOOOOOOOOT”

Of course the Clips then go on to lose the game. Chris Paul is never going to talk to DJ again. Taking him off the Christmas card list, won’t text him on Thanksgiving, nothing.

 

By Nate posted March 5th, 2015 at 9:42 AM

Wake Up With Michea Crawford

 

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By Nate posted March 5th, 2015 at 9:00 AM
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