So I guess that’s what it means when girls have to get ready. One of life’s many mysteries solved. Next maybe we’ll find out if girls really do have a separate pee hole or what it’s like to talk to one in real life.
I’m a big fan of this girl. I feel like a Raiders’ fan in the black hole, talking about that kind of fandom. She’s just ridiculous.
Let us enjoy and give thanks that some people look like her and not me, and they know how to use a camera.
UR – The online retailer Yandy.com prides itself as having “grown into one of the leading suppliers of lingerie, costumes, rave wear, clothing, swimwear and accessories on the internet” over the last nine years, as it is a one-stop shop for everything from “Native American Temptress” to “Striped Lumberjack” costumes
If you see a girl and she’s a Sexy Olaf from Frozen, that’s how you know she’s DTF. That means out of her friends, she’s the uncool one. The other two girls are Elsa and Anna, and she’s stuck with the snowman. She’s probably the least hot, but the most slutty. The third wheel friend. So if you see the snowman from Frozen out and about this Halloween, just remember. She’ll go down as fast as Anna fell in love with Hans.
PS: Remember last year’s hot seller, Anna Rexia?
UR – Entertainment Weekly enlisted Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele — the titular Key and Peele of Key & Peele — to guest-edit its upcoming comedy issue. In a post today to promote the issue, the two discuss their super-full dance card of late: producing a Police Academy reboot, working with Judd Apatow, and apparently, turning one of their most popular sketches into a full-length feature film. On top of that, the duo are also currently looking to get Mr. Garvey— a.k.a the star of their viral instant-classic “Substitute Teacher” sketch—his own movie. “We’re in negotiations at Paramount to make a ‘Substitute Teacher’ movie,” says Key, who plays Mr. Garvey on the show. “Two of our writers are penning it. Well, they’re not penning it as we speak — it’s getting there.”
I forgot all about this sketch and just rewatched it and it’s still hilarious. And I’m not a huge Key and Peele guy. They are like Adam Dunn out there- either hit a home run or strike out. I’d say their lifetime average is slightly better, but not by much. But I absolutely want Mr. Garvey to have a movie. If they can find a way to mix in the East/West college game, I think we’d all like that too.
PS: They can get it:
Always love watching these videos mostly because of how insanely talented these cats are. I can barely ride a bike in a straight line and they take them off ramps at 50 MPH and do all sorts of corkscrews and flips that my brain isn’t fast enough to process. I’ve watched this 100 times and still can’t figure out which way the bike is facing at any given moment:
I will never know how a person can learn to do this and then pull it off without killing himself. I just have to assume they are on the highest dose of adderall possible and have balls so big they actually cushion the landing.
Post - Nationals outfielder Bryce Harper is a big Derek Jeter fan, which you would expect from someone who grew up rooting for the Yankees. In an MLB-produced video message to the retiring Yankees shortstop, Harper says he has always looked up to Jeter. “Jeter is somebody that, he’s not just the captain of the Yankees, but captain of all of baseball. He’s the true baseball player, and the guy that you want to be like on and off the field. He’s somebody that I’ve looked up my whole career. Being able to play against him was something that, you know, I’ll never forget.” Harper, who was 2 when Jeter made his major league debut, paid tribute to the Captain during Tuesday’s 4-2 win over the Mets at Nationals Park by wearing a Jeter wristband.
Harper is the obvious choice to take the reins from Jeter as the face of baseball. Harper plays hard every day, puts up good numbers, and is still only 21 years old. People do realize that right? He’s never faced a pitcher in the majors that is younger than him. He’s 21 in his 3rd full major league season. Hasn’t even begun to hit his peak yet. His peak isn’t even in sight. If a baseball career is a person, Harper hasn’t even had his first kiss yet. But he’s on the cover of SI all the time. Has SportsCenter commercials. Is well liked by the media. Hustles on every play. Plays on a team loaded with young talent that will be making the playoffs regularly. And to top it off, has dreamy hair. He’s everything you want in the heir-apparent to Jeter.
Little by little, the people will begin to realize Harper is the man. Fun to watch play. Worth going to see play. He will shine and rip and run and tear up the playoffs now that Fireman Bryce has been born.
BUY BUY BUY
FB – The owner of a small Chinese restaurant named SO in San Francisco’s SoMa shut down his restaurant — a staple of the area — for a day because customers had reportedly been giving him shit. And he wasn’t going to take their shit. So he shut things the fuck down and posted a sign to his window that read, “We are closed because of you … (customers), So … yes we use MSG! So … we don’t believe in organic food and we don’t give a shit about gluten free.” According to Eater, an employee claims that the owner closed shop for the day after one dining party had refused to pay their bill because the food was “too spicy” and then another cursed at the owner.
“’We are closed because of you … (customers), So … yes we use MSG! So … we don’t believe in organic food and we don’t give a shit about gluten free.’” I love it. Just spiting the fuck out of himself because he’s so mad at the customers. Hard to blame him. People who complain at restaurants are the worst.* Yes, there are times where it’s acceptable, but not because your food as gluten in it. Grow up you pansy. Or go somewhere else you San Fran fedora wearing hippie. You’re eating chinese food. You should want it as hard to identify as possible. The harder Chinese food is to identify, the more delicious it tastes. Fact.
But this is obviously the best thing to ever happen to this Chinese food owner guy. If he has any business sense, he’ll completely rebrand and become that restaurant that doesn’t give a fuck about it’s customers. Where people go to get treated like shit and the waiters yell at you. I fucking hate quirky weird restaurants like that, but they seem to always do well.
*The thing that I will never get is people who send food back in restaurants. Now I will say this- I worked at a fancy Italian restaurant in college. And we never spit in food or any of that at the Olive Garden. But that doesn’t mean I trust any of these kids nowadays with my shrimp scampi. I’ll eat it if it’s colder than ice with a smile on my face before sending it back. Just not worth my risking getting a plate full of grundle hair because my alfredo sauce wasn’t piping hot.
Sporting News - From left, that’s Mike “Luis Mendoza” Vitar, Garrett “Guy Germaine” Henson, Moreau, Vincent “Adam Banks” LaRusso, Aaron “Dean Portman” Lohr and Scott “Gunnar Stahl” Whyte.
First of all, who the fuck invited Gunnar to the Ducks reunion? That’s some bullshit right there. Unless Connie is letting him plop his sweet Icelandic ass cheeks on her face, he had no reason to be there. Also, Banks looks exactly the same. And isn’t a bad Ravens blogger either. And I bet he LOVES cake eater jokes in the comment section. He’s told me. He loves them. In fact, go leave one now.
There it is! The Flying V! It looks glorious!!! Who cares if it’s the most illogical play in the history of sports, it’s awesome and we love it.
Connie, you slut! Button that shirt! If Averman was invited he is going to blow his load.
Alright Goldberg, stop living in the past. Poor fella. If there’s one person who needs another Mighty Ducks movie, it’s gotta be Goldberg.
PS: Remember when Mighty Ducks had the Oreo line? What a thing that was.
PS: Bombay was a dickhead, but a damn good coach. Shocker he wasn’t at the reunion.
EA SPORTS and NHL 15 Are Still Looking For The Biggest Hockey Fan In Washington!
We already know DC is home to the best hockey fans on Earth. That’s a given. So now your job, if you choose to accept it, is to prove you’re the biggest hockey fan in the DMV. If you are always rocking the red, cheering the loudest, and as passionate as the day is long, use the hashtag #HockeyIsBetterInWashington and prove it. Sure other cities have Cups, but we don’t need Cups to be great fans. We show up regardless of time, place, or weather. Winning or losing. Simply put, we have more heart than all the other cities combined.
So hit up Twitter with the hashtag #HockeyIsBetterInWashington and win an all expense paid trip to Boston for a chance to win a new Xbox One and $1,000 cash. (Send to @BarstoolNate, got that old Twitter back finally.)
Full rules and details
PUKEEEEEEE. 0/10. No, you’re right. 0/100. Ugliest jersey in the league. No, you’re right again. Ugliest jersey in professional sports. I just threw up all over my MacBook Pro (and it still looks better than that jersey).
Last night, Bryce Harper died for a minute, and then re-emerged as Fireman Bryce. Fireman Bryce gives no fucks. And you might be thinking “well, Bryce Harper didn’t give a fuck either.” Exactly. That’s who the rest of the NL is dealing with now. Fireman Bryce is here to hit home runs and put out fires, and I don’t see any more fires.
BUY BUY BUY!