I was reading this article and it is all like “blah blah blah, McDonalds wants to be more like Chipotle blah blah blah” and I was like no shit, Chipotle is the best, why wouldn’t they? But then I was also like, fuck you McDonalds, you don’t need to change for anyone, you’re motherfucking MCDONALDS. People change to be you. I’m actually embarrassed for McDonalds at this point. Why do they have so much self-doubt? They’re the golden arches for Peter’s sake, have a little pride. Look in the mirror and tell yourself what you see god god damnit damnit. But regardless, if McDonalds wants to be a fancy pants McGee place, I guess that’s what they’ll become.
So I got to thinking, if I could only have one or the other for the rest of my life (say yes, say yes) which one would I choose? McDonalds or Chipotle? Here are my arguments for both:
McDonalds: McDs is the original hot piece of ass. The first pussy you ever got, and the one you remember the most. You’ve had one night stands, other girlfriends, even did anal that one time with that kinda weird girl, but you always think about the good times at McDonalds. But unlike that old GF, it’s always there for you. The french fries, the half assed service, the cheeseburgers with that crusty half melted cheese. And while you’re driving, you can get a big ol bag of dollar menu items and crush them the entire road trip. You can’t do that with Chipotle. McDonalds is the king of kings when it comes to road trip food. Convenience flies out of it’s asshole and lands in your mouth. So to speak. I suppose that could be phrased better.
Chipotle: In one word: Delicious. Simply delicious. And unlike places like Taco Bell, it doesn’t give me geyser-esque shits after I eat it. Not to say that doesn’t happen, because some people refuse to go there for that reason, but I can have a burrito and not be hunched over like Donovan McNabb in a Super Bowl huddle after eating it. Chipotle also just is a classier joint. And chicks love it. Not that I recommend taking a girl there, because grow up Peter Pan, but chicks talk about Chipotle the same way they talk about Pretty Little Liars and Pinterest. Annoyingly and often. And to come full circle, there’s not much else to say besides Chipotle is just so fucking delicious.
So what’s your pick? Vote 1 for McDonalds, 10 for Chipotle.
PS: My pick is McDonalds. Need that drive thru convenience. Need that 24/7 availability. Need milkshakes. Need fries. Need all of it. You don’t need to teach an old dog new tricks when the old dog is McDs. It’s trick are great just the way they are.