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Paris Hilton With An Ass Outta Nowhere!

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Outta nowhere, bah gawd! Nobody is trying harder to stay relevant than Paris Hilton. She drops pics on Instagram all day erryday. At 33 she’s on the downslope of her life lookswise, so she’s just doing the Instagram thing to the fullest.

Exhibit B:
 

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Oh so when Paris Hilton rapes a teddy bear it’s art, but when this guy does it it’s a felony? Societal double standards, folks.
 
 

Also, she bought a $13,000 dog and dresses it up like this:

 

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If you’re that dog, you don’t care right? It’s like being in Bieber’s posse. Yea he’s an asshole, but all the perks make it worth it. So you put up with putting on a duck costume because you’re banging the hottest dog at the dog park later that night. And I’m sure Paris’ dog has some perks too.

 
 

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“Kill me.”

 
 
 
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Outta nowhere!
 

By Nate posted October 24th, 2014 at 12:50 PM

Don’t Try To Tell Me Zach Mettenberger Isn’t Your Favorite QB In The NFL Right Now

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Not sure any more words are needed. Get some indeed. So jealous the Titans have their QB situation figured out for the next 10 years. Maybe the Skins can trade 10 picks for him? Hopefully.
 

By Nate posted October 23rd, 2014 at 5:05 PM

Nightmare on M Street Is a HUGE DC Halloween Party This Weekend

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It’s DC’s biggest Halloween party this Saturday. 10,000 people, over 36 bars, and $2 Coors Lights, $3 Blue Moons, and $4 Bacardi’s. Doesn’t get much better than that. Straight up, this is the place to be on Saturday. Everyone is drunk, everyone is dressed up (or down), and everyone is walking bar to bar drinking 2 dollar beers. Plus, a midnight costume contest where you can win a trip for 2 to Vegas.

You can buy tickets today by going HERE. Use the promo code “STOOL” and get 15% off your tickets.

If you can’t bring a girl home from this crawl, I don’t know what to tell ya.

 

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This is the biggest and best bar crawl of the year. Participating bars include:

The Front Page, Irish Whiskey, Madhatter, McFadden’s, The Exchange, RFD, Jackpot, Fado, Greene Turtle, 51st State, Barcode, Black Rooster, BlackFinn DC, Bottom Line, Bread & Brew, Buffalo Billiards, James Hobans, Mackey’s, MIA, Midtown Party Plex, Ozio, Panache, Pizza No. 17, Public Bar, Recessions, Rumors, Sign of the Whale, Mission, Darlington House, Cantina Pub, Lucky Strike, The Manor, Bar Louie, Dirty Martini, Redline, Lucky Strike and more to come!

 
 
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Don’t sit at home on Saturday when you can be bar crawling around DC. 5pm-1 am for the drink specials, and then DC bars don’t close til 3. See you out there on Saturday, bitches.

The crawl will sell out. You and your friends should not be left out. Buy your tickets here.
 

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By Nate posted October 21st, 2014 at 2:05 PM

The Capitals Shot a Puppy Calendar And I Literally Can’t Even

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I die.
 

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1,2
 

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Ovi, Nick, and Fehr.
 

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Twinsies.
 

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Puddles. Absolute puddles. I think I’m pregnant now.
 

 

PS: If you’re not gay for Tom Wilson, you’re probably gay. And does he wear a size 100 shoe? That shoe has to be a joke right?
 

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By Nate posted October 20th, 2014 at 11:20 AM

I Love Sweets The English Bulldog Who Waved At A Biker As He Drove By

 

Whenever there’s a chance to blog an English Bulldog being awesome, you jump at the opportunity. And even more perfect that it’s at 5:00 on a Friday afternoon. Just what you need to put you over the hump. Bring you into the weekend. Sweets being the coolest dog. Has biker etiquette 101 down to a T. Was there ever a doubt Sweets wasn’t going to give a wave? None in my mind. I waved back. You’re a communist if you didn’t.

 

By Nate posted October 17th, 2014 at 5:00 PM

Bryce Harper At 12 Is a Sight To Be Seen

 

It’s the Big Show! Goodness gracious. He’s 12! Once on the thin mint diet, always on the thin mint diet I guess. 12!!!

 

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Happy bday to the Fireman. 22 years old today. Still just a pup. By the time he’s in his prime we might not even have a moon anymore. I’m legitimately worried about the safety of solar system.
 


 

By Nate posted October 16th, 2014 at 12:45 PM

You Don’t Even Have To Like Wrestling To Find This “RKO Outta Nowhere” Compilation Hysterical

 

Some of them are so realistic you forget reality for a second and actually think Randy Orton did the RKO right there on the spot. An RKO, incase you can’t figure it out because only children watch wrestling and your brain is too advanced and you have to watch shows about dragons instead, is Randy Orton’s finishing move where he catches the guy’s head and drive it into the mat face down. He often times does it in times you’d least expect it. Hence the “RKO outta nowhere” meme was born.

 

By Nate posted October 14th, 2014 at 3:35 PM

This Savvy, Silk Robe Wearing Entrepreneur Buys Up Domain Names For All The Plagues and Diseases and Then Sells Them For Profit, Is Currently Trying To Get 150k For Ebola.com

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WaPo - Jon Schultz is a cigarette-thin man who will, upon requests for a photograph, don a ruby robe and strike a regal pose. Schultz is a businessman and he wants to look good. There’s money to be made everywhere — even off tragedy and disaster. For the right kind of entrepreneur, Shultz said Monday night, calamity affords a very unique business opportunity. And Schulz, merchant of disease domains, is that kind of entrepreneur. Name a disease, and there’s a chance Schultz owns it. He has birdflu.com. He has H1N1.com. He has one for the deadly mosquito-borne disease, Chikungunya, and another for Marburg. And finally, there’s the jewel of his trove. Ebola.com, which Schultz bought in 2008 for $13,500. The time for the payout has arrived. Schultz wants $150,000 for Ebola.com — a price he thinks is more than reasonable. “According to our site meter, we’re already doing 5,000 page views per day just by people typing in Ebola.com to see what’s there,” said Schultz, who monitors headlines the way brokers watch their portfolios, to gauge his domain’s worth. “We’re getting inquiries every day about the sale of it. I have a lot of experience in this sort of domain business, and my sense is that $150,000 is reasonable.” “Our domain, birdflu.com, is worth way more than Ebola.com. We’re definitely holding onto that one for the event,” he said, referring to an outbreak he contends could be way bigger than Ebola, turning the owner of birdflu.com into a very rich man. “That one’s airborne and Ebola would never go airborne in the United States like bird flu can.” Schultz has been waiting years for a time like this to turn a profit on Ebola.com. And in the unfortunate event that there is a bird flu or Marburg outbreak, there Schultz will be again, hawking domains of profound tragedy, looking to make money.

 

Ladies and gentleman, your favorite person in the world, Jon Schultz. Silk robes, expensive paintings, and buying up websites of diseases that kill people around the globe. All in a day’s work. So what if Ebola is killing people? Does that mean it shouldn’t make Jon a rich, rich man? Get off your high horses, world. First of all, it’s (pretty much) only killing people in Africa, and they don’t even have the Internet there, so it’s no help really. And yea, so a couple people here have died of it (RIP), but I don’t think ebola.com would have saved their lives. WebMD, ever heard of it? Plus, if you didn’t want to get Ebola, you probably shouldn’t have gotten Ebola. Jon Schulz is only guilty of being smarter than all of us. I just don’t get why he only wants $150,000. Ebola is the new hotness. Capitalize on that shit. Sell some tshirts! What, is it in bad taste to sell tshirts profiting off the tragedy of others? In your dreams. AMERICA!

By Nate posted October 14th, 2014 at 1:55 PM

White Chocolate Jason Williams Just Dropped a Sick New Highlight Tape From His Florida Rec League

 

Oh baby! Oh baby! White Chocolate! Rippin and tearin his Florida rec league up. When I clicked this video I was hoping it wasn’t going to be a sad video of a washed up White Chocolate, and I was not disappointed. Dude is straight up balling people’s faces off. Behind the back no look between the leg passes like he’s still playing on the Kings. One of my favorite players of all time. The first time I saw him do no look elbow pass (somehow only number 8 below) I blew my load.
 

By Nate posted October 14th, 2014 at 10:20 AM

The Most Brutal Women’s MMA Knockout I’ve Ever Seen And Probably Ever Will

 

I fucking held my face like I got kicked when I heard the impact. I bet we all did. Good jebus is she in a coma? I think her head is still rolling down the street. In all honesty I hope she’s ok. You can’t get closer to literally having your head detach from your body than that. But I guess that’s the rough and wild road of women’s MMA. One day you’re the dog the next day you’re the hydrant. Good news for her is now her head is now permanently on a swivel.

 

By Nate posted October 13th, 2014 at 2:10 PM
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