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Manny Machado Has Been Giving Albert Pujols Nightmares All Week

Manny Machado

 

Previously in adventures of Pujols pulling balls to 3rd base

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And then tonight… Poor guy just wants to bounce back from getting thrown out from the bleachers by 20 feet the night before. Maybe earn his paycheck one time. Manny has other ideas. Casual 5-4-3.

 

 

Then after hitting into a 2nd 5-4-3 double play on the night, the guy thinks he finally smokes one by Manny in extra innings. Ya okay bud.

 

 

 

Unreal hose. We all knew this. Think it’s safe to say the Manny we grew to love in 2013 is back.


By banks posted July 31st, 2014 at 10:59 PM

Ray Rice Just Getting a Standing Ovation At Camp Today/The Ravens Website Thinks It’s a Great Thing

 

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Well that is just something else. Sports is an incredible, incredible very weird thing. I’m not even going to say this is “so Baltimore” or whatever. I think it’s way, wayyyy past that. It’s a sports thing. It’s the way we are brought up and making these guys out to be heroes. The people of Baltimore (for the most part) have been with everyone else on this issue that they think it was too lenient of a suspension. So why the standing ovation? I guess they think they are offering support to a guy who helped them win a Super Bowl. People see a guy for what he is on the field, not off. As long as he can help them win games, alls good. Happens on every team in every sport. Before he beat the shit out of his wife, it was hard to go 1 block in Baltimore without bumping into someone in a Ray Rice jersey. He in a way took the crown from Ray Lewis at the Ravens fan-favorite. But you shouldn’t give a standing ovation to a guy who did that. He’s still a person, not just a football player, and we do a really bad job of separating the two.

Now my real question and maybe the bigger issue here is how in the wide world of fuck did the Ravens think it was a good idea to promote the fact their fans gave him a standing ovation? Do they have any idea how bad that looks? Do they have the slightest clue that the conversation for the last 5 days has been how horrifically this entire situation has been handled?

Remember what their Twitter tweeted right after the press conference?

 

 

 

And then the NFL patted themselves on the back in a statement they released supporting only giving him 2 games. And to my knowledge, no discipline from the Ravens at all, but on the contrary, coach Harbaugh said he stands behind Ray Rice. It’s all very strange.
I don’t know. I’m not going to get too deep here, but it’s very strange the way people handle domestic violence. Chris Brown is at every awards show and has smash hit after smash hit. His career barely hiccuped. Ray Rice got a 2 game suspension and a standing ovation after nearly punching his wife’s head to Jupiter. The Ravens are promoting that he got a standing ovation, and the NFL is congratulating themselves for a job well done on how they handled the all thing. I feel like we are living in bizarro world.

 

By Nate posted July 29th, 2014 at 1:48 PM

Dmitri Young Lost 400 Pounds Or So

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Yahoo - File this one under amazing transformations. Former major leaguer Dmitri Young made a rare appearance at The Great American Ballpark on Friday night to visit two of his former teams — the Cincinnati Reds and Washington Nationals — and had everyone talking about his slimmed down new look. During his playing days, Young was listed at 6-foot-2, 295 pounds, which according to MLB.com tied him for the third-heaviest player in MLB history. Only Walter Young (320) and Jumbo Diaz (315, now 278) weighed more. Current Red Jonathan Broxton is listed at the same weight as Young. He’s obviously nowhere near that weight now.

 

This is like seeing a model without makeup and she looks like the Trunchbull. I didn’t know if I was looking at a former MLB player or Starvin Marvin in some sort of real-life adaptation of South Park. Skinny Dmitri Young is fucking with me. I suppose I should be all glad and happy for him that he’s healthy now though, but hopefully he didn’t lose his funny blackguyness the same way Jonah Hill lost his funny when he got all skinny and douchey.

Oh, wait, nope, still awesome:
 
 

 
Skinny Dmitri Young wearing a hat of himself from when he was fat Dmitri Young. You can never forget where you came from.
 

By Nate posted July 27th, 2014 at 2:46 PM

If You’re Gonna Rob a House, Make Sure It’s Not Daniel Bryan’s Or He’ll Chase You Down And Choke You Out

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FOX - A former WWE champion known as Daniel Bryan chased two burglary suspects he saw exiting his Phoenix home this week and subdued one until officers arrived, investigators said. According to police, Bryan Danielson and his wife, Brianna, drove into the carport of their Arcadia home and saw a door to the house start to open. That’s when Danielson and his wife, a fellow former WWE star known as Brie Bella, ran inside to check on their dog, Josie. “I saw the guys running out the back. I chased them. I caught one of them. I kept him until police got there,” Danielson said. Danielson and Cesar Sosa, 22, got into a struggle, but the former champ subdued him until officers arrived, Phoenix police Sgt. Tommy Thompson said. The second suspect got away. The former champ said he didn’t have to apply the “Yes! lock” — his signature move– to get Sosa to surrender, but he did put him in a rear naked choke hold. “Unfortunately, he wasn’t in very good shape,” Danielson said. “So, it didn’t take much.” Sosa was arrested and faces a burglary charge. It was not known if he had an attorney who could be reached for comment. Thompson said Sosa also had a felony warrant for burglary and kidnapping in another case. Danielson said he was happy his neighbors called 911 to report suspicious activity about 10 minutes before the couple arrived. He said his wife had just picked him up from the airport. “I got really angry at first,” Danielson said. “They’re actually lucky that I got them instead of Brie, because she probably would have been a little more violent.” Brianna Danielson said that while her husband went chasing the intruders, she found Josie hiding in the couple’s bathroom. “We didn’t know if they had Josie, too,” she said. Danielson, known for his “Yes!” chants, is recovering from a previous injury.

 

1,000 houses to break into, and you choose the professional wrestlers? That’s ballsy as all hell. However I dig the move. When you rob someone, you want to swing for the fences. Why burglarize some random Joe Shmo when you can hit Daniel Bryan’s house? If you get away with it, that automatically gives you bragging rights for days in the burglar community. Definitely gets you nominated for Burglary of the Year at the end of the year award ceremony. But if they weren’t after the glory they should have done their research. Pretty bad luck when the house you choose out of every house is the one owned by a guy who can snap your head off like a bottle cap. And also, how about DB showing some restraint and not putting some wrestling moves on the guy? He’s been out of action for so long with a neck injury, you know he was dying to throw a few knees.
 

PS: Huge power move by Daniel Bryan taking his last name, shortening it, and making it his new first name. I might start doing that too.
 

By Nate posted July 26th, 2014 at 11:30 AM

Choose 1 For The Rest Of Your Life: McDonalds or Chipotle

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I was reading this article and it is all like “blah blah blah, McDonalds wants to be more like Chipotle blah blah blah” and I was like no shit, Chipotle is the best, why wouldn’t they? But then I was also like, fuck you McDonalds, you don’t need to change for anyone, you’re motherfucking MCDONALDS. People change to be you. I’m actually embarrassed for McDonalds at this point. Why do they have so much self-doubt? They’re the golden arches for Peter’s sake, have a little pride. Look in the mirror and tell yourself what you see god god damnit damnit. But regardless, if McDonalds wants to be a fancy pants McGee place, I guess that’s what they’ll become.

So I got to thinking, if I could only have one or the other for the rest of my life (say yes, say yes) which one would I choose? McDonalds or Chipotle? Here are my arguments for both:

McDonalds: McDs is the original hot piece of ass. The first pussy you ever got, and the one you remember the most. You’ve had one night stands, other girlfriends, even did anal that one time with that kinda weird girl, but you always think about the good times at McDonalds. But unlike that old GF, it’s always there for you. The french fries, the half assed service, the cheeseburgers with that crusty half melted cheese. And while you’re driving, you can get a big ol bag of dollar menu items and crush them the entire road trip. You can’t do that with Chipotle. McDonalds is the king of kings when it comes to road trip food. Convenience flies out of it’s asshole and lands in your mouth. So to speak. I suppose that could be phrased better.

Chipotle: In one word: Delicious. Simply delicious. And unlike places like Taco Bell, it doesn’t give me geyser-esque shits after I eat it. Not to say that doesn’t happen, because some people refuse to go there for that reason, but I can have a burrito and not be hunched over like Donovan McNabb in a Super Bowl huddle after eating it. Chipotle also just is a classier joint. And chicks love it. Not that I recommend taking a girl there, because grow up Peter Pan, but chicks talk about Chipotle the same way they talk about Pretty Little Liars and Pinterest. Annoyingly and often. And to come full circle, there’s not much else to say besides Chipotle is just so fucking delicious.

 
So what’s your pick? Vote 1 for McDonalds, 10 for Chipotle.

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PS: My pick is McDonalds. Need that drive thru convenience. Need that 24/7 availability. Need milkshakes. Need fries. Need all of it. You don’t need to teach an old dog new tricks when the old dog is McDs. It’s trick are great just the way they are.
 

By Nate posted July 25th, 2014 at 10:42 AM

Studies Show It’s Scientifically Impossible To Go To Buffalo Wild Wings And Not Shit Your Brains Out After

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I don’t know why I do it. But I always find my way back to Buffalo Wild Wings for some 60 cent wings, and it’s always the best/worst decision of all time. It’s almost like I think to myself, “you know I was just thinking that I haven’t shit my brains out in quite a while, let’s change that”. So of course last night I sauntered on down to the nearest location, and I’ll spare you the details, but I’m still batting 1000. And it happens to literally everyone I know. It’s a scientific fact. Gravity, dinosaurs, and BWW will fuck you up. No atheists in a foxhole nor the bathroom after Bdubs. Just praying it ends and you can get on with your life and you’ll start giving to charity and spending more time with your family. Simply put, if you eat BWW, there’s a 100% chance you shit out your internal organs that night/the next day. On the other hand, it’s actually a solid dieting technique for anyone looking to shed a few pounds. It’ll just roll out of you like lava. So that’s where I’m at. Have yourself a day.
 

By Nate posted July 23rd, 2014 at 10:20 AM

Let’s Check Out The Russian Smokebomb Ovi Is Now Banging (Spoiler Alert: UPGRADE!)

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Looks like Ovi has moved on past whats her name. And moved on up too. Riddle me this: A tennis player and a gymnast want to blow Ovi, which one is he choosing? Trick question, both. But once the tennis player finds out, he obviously chose the gymnast. And wouldn’t you? Let’s take a look at Karolina Sevastyanova:

 

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So yea. Ovi is banging a new smoke now. Love it. You know that swagger you roll into work with after banging the night before? Ovi is gonna have that every day. Every damn day he’s going to be hitting his hardest and scoring 100 goals, then he’ll go home and this chick will do a split right across his face and SNIFF SNIFF that smell is the cup, and it just got stronger.

 

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By Nate posted July 22nd, 2014 at 4:17 PM

Rate This Guy’s Washington Nationals Beard

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The ol’ HOF beard guy is back! Bearding it up like you remember:

 

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This guy’s life is fantastic. Beards here there everywhere. Apologizing for the sloppiness of his beard because he expects better from himself. He demands excellence in the beard game. Can’t imagine the pressure of being this guy’s son, or even worse, daughter. What if he has a daughter and can’t pass down the beard legacy? Will he force it on her anymore? Beard business is a serious one. Beard eat beard world out there.

h/t @recordsANDradio

By Nate posted July 21st, 2014 at 4:16 PM

I’m Led To Believe DeSean Jackson Smashed Kendall Jenner Last Night

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A million percent chance that happened. If there’s one thing I know about Kendall Jenner, it’s that she loves being the hot one, loves all the attention, and especially loves making her sister jealous. Kylie is begging DeSean for attention draped all over him in those tiny shorts and high socks, but all Kendall had to do was flip on a backwards hat and she won the show again. Kendall and Jaccpot all day, all night.
 

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By Nate posted July 20th, 2014 at 1:29 PM

King Curtis Taking You Into The Weekend

 

Wish we could get an update on this kid. The biggest boss in the history of television. Anyone know if he’s on Twitter or anything?

 

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Have a good weekend.
 

By Nate posted July 18th, 2014 at 5:17 PM
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