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Dan Bilzerian’s Girl Lindsey Pelas And Her Outstanding Cans Bouncing on a Trampoline…Need I Say More?

 
 

This motherfucker just living the dream.

 
 

 
 

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By Nate posted February 27th, 2015 at 12:10 PM

Huge Argument On The Internet Today Over If This Dress Is White and Gold or Blue and Black And It’s Insane

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Seen this 100 times on Facebook in the last hour. I can’t comprehend it. Half the people on the Earth think this dress is white and gold. Half think it’s blue and black. It’s like when you’re high and talk to your friends about if we see colors the same way they see colors. Is my green your orange? Well I see this dress as 100% white and gold, 0.00000% blue and black. But people are screaming that it is a blue and black dress. I don’t know how.

What do you see. 1 for gold and white, 10 for blue and black.

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By Nate posted February 26th, 2015 at 7:50 PM

Warren Buffett’s Secret To Being Rich and Living Forever? “I eat like a six-year-old” And Drinks At Least 5 Cokes Every Day

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Fortune - How does the world’s top investor, at 84 years old, wake up every day and face the world with boundless energy? “I’m one quarter Coca-Cola,” Warren Buffett says. When he told me this in a phone call yesterday (we were talking about the death of his friend, former Coca-Cola president Don Keough), I assumed he was talking about his stock portfolio. No, Buffett explained, “If I eat 2700 calories a day, a quarter of that is Coca-Cola. I drink at least five 12-ounce servings. I do it everyday.” When he’s at his desk at Berkshire Hathaway headquarters in Omaha, he drinks regular Coke; at home, he treats himself to Cherry Coke. “I’ll have one at breakfast,” he explains, noting that he loves to drink Coke with potato sticks. What brand of potato sticks? “I have a can right here,” he says. “U-T-Z”. Investors in Berkshire Hathaway may feel relieved that the CEO isn’t addicted to Utz Potato Stix at every breakfast. “This morning, I had a bowl of chocolate chip ice cream,” Buffett says. Asked to explain the high-sugar, high-salt diet that has somehow enabled him to remain seemingly healthy, Buffett replies: “I checked the actuarial tables, and the lowest death rate is among six-year-olds. So I decided to eat like a six-year-old.” The octogenarian adds, “It’s the safest course I can take.”

 

HAH! In your face everyone who makes fun of me for eating nonstop fast food. In your stupid faces! Because if you know anything about how logic works, Warren Buffett eating like a 6 year old means I’m going to be extremely rich extremely soon. Is it a coincidence that I have recently opened an IRA and it’s up 2% this year? NOPE. Natey Buffett coming in hot! What should I name my boat? Just kidding, make that plural- boats. My fleet. And it all makes sense now— that time I ate Taco Bell breakfast every day for a week I legit got sick for about a month straight after that. I assume that was just my body adjusting to the wealthy life. Every change you make takes time to get used to. Like when you start going to the gym and your body aches every morning and your shit schedule is all out of whack. Same thing for eating every meal at the Bell. That sickness was just my evolution into being a billionaire.

By Nate posted February 26th, 2015 at 12:11 PM

Instagram Model Rhiannon Langley Is Gunning For The Title Of Queen Of The Tan Lines

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To recap:
 

Carly Lauren has been crowned Queen Of The Sideboob.

 

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Ashlyn Coray has been crowned Queen Of The Handbra.

 

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And now I’ve come across this girl on Instagram and her name is Rhiannon Langley and she is in contention for the title of the Queen Of The Tan Lines.

Can’t quite crown her because there’s not enough pictures, but she’s making a strong, stronnnnnng case for it. As a man of the people, I will be monitoring this situation with a close eye and report on any developments.

 
 

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By Nate posted February 23rd, 2015 at 12:00 PM

“Feast”, The Movie That Won The Oscar For Best Animated Short Film, Is Pretty Awesome…Plus It Takes a Hard Stance Against Eating Vegetables

 

Edit: Disney stinks and took it off YouTube shortly after I blogged it, so here it is on another site.

 

A must-watch for any dog owner, dog lover, or person with a soul. I loved this. Just watching Winston eat made my day. I would definitely watch 90 minutes of Winston’s hijincks and tomfoolery. And my favorite part is the bad guy is vegetables and the woman who makes Winston and the man eat them. We all have a friend who meets a girl and she dramatically changes his lifestyle. I have a friend doing a Paleo diet right now. He can’t eat anything— I mean he does and just doesn’t tell her, but still. What a relationship! That’s reason 1008 dogs are better than people. They won’t make you eat anything with leaves on then. In fact, they frown upon it. I especially loved this on a personal level because my dog who is no longer with us wouldn’t eat unless we put something in his bowl. And he wouldn’t eat unless someone else was eating. If we fed him when nobody was eating, he would eat some of it, but he’d save half for when other people were eating because he wanted to eat with us (and he knew I would always put people food in his bowl.) He was the best.

By Nate posted February 23rd, 2015 at 9:36 AM

Banks’ Saturday Morning Sports Corner – February 21st

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2nd edition of the Saturday Sports Corner here. I’m up and at em in the cube, while most of you are struggling to put together the pieces of your Friday night. I can’t help you find your phone or the moneys from your wallet, but I can help you catch up on what you missed while you were out. Scores, highlights, and all the funny shit from the Friday night you never had. I tried to cut down on the GIF’s and replace them with more video this time around. Let’s fire it up!

 

 

NBA

Lot of action in the Association last night. If you were locked in to ESPN like I was, you watched my Wizards get absolutely bundled by the Cavs before the Steph Curry show started.

 

The Wiz losing by 38 at home makes a lot more sense when you realize the Cavs brought the fucking DUNK SHOW to Washington

 

And the Cavs just flat out-hustled the opposition and played heads-up basketball

 

So yeah, losing by 38 at home makes tons of sense. I don’t really know what the Wizards were supposed to do. Sometimes the opposition’s just en fuego.

 

Steph Curry continued to be Steph Curry against the Spurs, just buckets on buckets on buckets

   

 

Even tossed in a BTB dime for a splash

 

 

 

There were 12 other games too, here are all your scores:

 

Cavaliers 127, Wizards 89

Pelicans 84, Magic 95,

Pacers 106, 76ers 95

Raptors 105, Hawks 80

Bulls 91,  Pistons 100

Heat 111, Knicks 87

Suns 109, T-Wolves 111

Nuggets 81, Mavericks 89

Blazers 76, Jazz 92

Celtics 101, Kings 109

Spurs 99, Warriors 110

Nets 114, Lakers 105

 

Boogie Cousins was the performer of the night pouring in 31 with 15 boards, including this coast-to-coast rim rocker

 

Wiggins is back with the poster of the night

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Adrien Payne’s rejection turned into a circus bucket on the other end

 

 

NHL

Plenty of hockey action to go around with 7 games last night. Scores:

 

Maple Leafs 1, Hurricanes 2

Canucks 2, Devils 4

Rangers 3, Sabres 1

Bruins 1, Blues 5

Avalanche 4, Blackhawks 1

Wild 4, Oilers 0

Ducks 6, Flames 3

 

Justin Fontaine scored himself a G with a pretty little deflection

 

He thought he was going to have seconds, but Ben Scrivens had other ideas

 

Scrivens also has no patience for fair weather fans, and neither does this guy.

 

 

 

Malcom Subban bombed in his debut for the B’s and was pulled after allowing 3 goals on 6 shot attempts. Tuukka was none too pleased that his night off got ruined

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I have zero clue how Kris Versteeg chipped his tooth here but the refs somehow weren’t buying what he was selling either

 

MY FUCKING TOOTH IS GONE

 

And Corey Crawford was the goat of the night with this gaffe

 

 

PGA

This week takes us to the Los Angeles area for the Northern Trust Open at Riviera Country Club. The difference between Riviera and Pebble Beach last week has been night and day. Birdies have been much fewer and far between. Last week Brandt Snedeker won (as I predicted, nbd) with an absurd 22-under 265. Not to mention the cut came in at a healthy -6 (albeit after 3 rounds). This week’s scores have been much higher, and the cut was made at +3. Old man Retief Goosen leads the way at -6, but there’s a good crowd right on his heels. 21-year old rookie Justin Thomas is a name you should get to know sooner rather than later, and I wouldn’t be shocked if he pulls this thing out. Hard to pick against defending champion Bubba Watson, though. He crushed the weekend last year with a pair of 64′s, and I think he can do it again. Bubba’s my pick.

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Goosen sank this 30 footer to card a 70 and take the lead into Saturday.

 

Highlight of the week was Scott Piercy spending most of his Thursday on the beach as Trent so eloquently blogged.

 

 

Shark Tank Recap (spoilers, so if you haven’t watched it yet, skip to T &A at the end)

 

First off I just want to say Shark Tank is the cream of the crop of Friday night television and it’s not even close. I’d go as far as to say it’s the best reality show on TV too. It’s appointment television. There’s something to be said about a show where Mark Cuban isn’t even the one who steals it on a weekly basis. That honor goes to Mr. Wonderful, Kevin O’Leary. Dude kills it week in and week out by just being the stingiest, savviest, most manipulative motherfucker in the Tank.

 

Last night’s episode was an all-timer. It was basically a bunch of college assholes who thought their ideas were going to save the world. We had some sort of flashlight bag powered by solar energy, which Cuban snatched up with last-second offer. We had backpacks made with fabrics from 3rd world countries, which got shot down fairly quickly. I’m confident that one only made the show because the chick was a decent 7.

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And we had some sort of ventilation system that garnered some heavy bidding and Robert scooped up for $750k for 14%. Quality stuff with all 3 pitches at that point, as is typical. But the showstopper was this cat who built a 99 cent app with a database of unclaimed scholarships.

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First off, great idea and a solid pitch. He says he’s personally received $1.3 million in scholarships (which is just silly) and mentioned that $100 million in scholarships go unclaimed every year. Right from the get go, Cuban was ready to jump out of his chair. But this moron’s asking price was only $40k for 15% of the company. So Lori immediately offered that deal, Daymond jumped in with her, and they pressured the kid into taking it before the others could even get a question in. Kid had no poise, no composure whatsoever. The sharks were eating right out of his hand. Probably could’ve gotten $100k for 15% if he wanted to. He was oblivious walking in with that asking price and even more oblivious when he walked out pleased with himself. Gave that same “oh I’m so happy to team up with a shark” bullshit that they all give. Helllloooooooooo??? Anyone home Mcfly?!? Cuban’s the internet guy. He’s the app developer. He was the one dying to hear more about how the company would work moving forward. Maaaaybe you take that shitty deal with him, but not Lori and Daymond. Come on guy.

 

The other sharks were fucking furious with Lori and Daymond. I swear Cuban’s head was going to explode into a million pieces right there on the set. Robert was kind of being a pussy with his “woe is me, I never wanted handouts” attitude, but he’s absolutely right that they swindled the kid. But it’s nobody’s fault but the kid’s. It was clear as day the other sharks wanted in, and they could’ve offered that same deal and they didn’t. So even though Lori was a real bitch and was full of shit with her high-horsed charity nonsense, she was 100% right that it was just sour grapes from the others. Full pitch and the aftermath here.

 

 

Alright here’s your T&A for the week. Take us home Nina!

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02-17-2012 Swimsuit Issue

 

 

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By banks posted February 21st, 2015 at 11:58 AM

Aziz Ansari’s Amazing Tribute To His Friend Harris Wittels Is Really A Must Read

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Read full tribute here, well worth it.

 

When the news Harris Wittels died came out on Thursday/Friday, I was like “I know that name, but I’m not sure why I know it”. I knew he was a comedian, but wasn’t sure why I knew that. I’m like that for a lot of people though. For example I have heard the name Joan Cusack a million times, but couldn’t really tell you one thing about her.

Well after reading Aziz’s tribute to his friend Harris Wittels, I spent about 5 hours last night listening to a ton of Wittles’ stuff. And now I’m pissed I didn’t know exactly how funny he was sooner. Just downright hilarious. Besides writing a ton of Parks and Rec, you can listen to his Foam Corners on CBB, him on 100 other different podcasts, and tons of other things on YouTube. On the “You Made It Weird” podcast he told the story of getting hooked multiple times on heroin, relapsing, and how he bought it for the first time. Absolutely incredible story telling- honest, funny, and interesting. You can listen to that here. The fact he replied all to all the execs, suits, everyone at NBC on the below email is just perfect.

 
 

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As you might know, I’m a bit of a comedy nerd. It always amazes me how many people out there are just so fucking funny. And Aziz says Harris was the funniest of them all. And so few people had heard of him, kind of including myself. Aziz tweeted last night about scripts Harris had written that never saw the light of day. That’s one thing about Hollywood/writers that has always both amazed and perplexed me: there are millions of scripts that just nobody ever sees. Aziz is saying this script Harris wrote is one of the funniest things he’s ever read, and literally 5 or so people ever actually got to see it. Can’t imagine the feeling of writing something so funny and it going to waste like that. It’s always been the weirdest thing to me.

 

 

Really sucks for the comedy world to lose someone who was so talented. Don’t do heroin, kids. Just don’t do it.

 

By Nate posted February 21st, 2015 at 11:08 AM

The White House Having No Idea How To Spell February Should Make Everyone Feel Better

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Daily Caller - Someone at the White House is having trouble spelling “February.” The Washington Post noted the misspelling in an article published Thursday night. As The Post noted, “February” is considered by many to be the most difficult month to spell correctly. It’s relatively difficult to say as well, as President Obama acknowledged in a recent video. The Post pointed out five recent White House press schedules sent out this month containing the mess up. But there are more, as The Daily Caller discovered.

 
 

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We write a billion blogs. Every so often, we’ll slip up and make a spelling or grammar mistake. And based on Twitter reaction you would think that one spelling mistake out of 5,000 words written per day was the Holocaust. But now I feel a lot better about writing “since” instead of “sense” or forgetting a word in the middle of a sentence because the White House is out here spelling February the same way you did in 2nd grade.

The most powerful office in the world is still saying “Febuary”. Do they not have autocorrect in the White House? At least when we mess up it’s 98% of the time a real word, just misused. So the White House mixing up February should make everyone feel better, because in reality, most of us are idiots anyway. We all only know how to spell Wednesday because we spell it out in our brains Wed-Nes-Day. We all only know how to spell beautiful because of the movie Bruce Almighty. So I’m cool with the White House misspelling February as Febuary. And shit, if the British people add random u’s in words like how they spell colour, we can spell February however the fuck we’d like too. Febuary makes more since anyway.
 

By Nate posted February 20th, 2015 at 11:20 AM

Charlotte McKinney (Co-Star Of The Much Anticipated Joe Dirt 2) Is Looking Pretty Good

 

Just doing my American civic duty of updating you on Joe Dirt 2, coming out this Summer. Today we take a look at Charlotte McKinney, who is playing the vital role of the really, really, really attractive girl.

 

 
 

There she is on set. Give her the best actress award NOW!

 
 

 
 

Let’s take a look at that last one a little closer.

 
 

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By Nate posted February 18th, 2015 at 2:53 PM

Tom DeLonge Formerly of Blink 182 Says He Has Encountered Aliens Outside of Area 51 and Has Had His Phone Tapped By The Government

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COS -

You have to understand, I’ve been involved in this for a long time. I have sources from the government. I’ve had my phone taped. I’ve done a lot of weird stuff in this industry — people wouldn’t believe me if I told them.

I woke up right around three a.m. My whole body felt like it had static electricity, and I open my eyes and the fire is still going, and there’s a conversation going on outside the tent. It sounded like there were about 20 people there, talking. And instantly my mind goes, OK, they’re at our campsite, they’re not here to hurt us, they’re talking about shit, but I can’t make out what they’re saying. But they’re working on something. Then I close my eyes and wake up, and the fire is out and I have about three hours of lost time.

On a specific instance in which his knowledge of aliens almost got him in real trouble:

“You better be real fucking careful about what you’re talking about.” And I go, “Okay, so I’m close.” And he goes, “I’m not fucking kidding with you. You better be really fucking careful.” And he calls me up the next day and he goes, “I’ve had calls about you. If someone comes and asks you to get in their car, don’t fucking get in the car.” [laughs] And that’s the shit I’m dealing with.

 
 

We’ve known Tom is a weirdo for a while, but man, he is neck deep in this alien shit. I will say that if you think we are the only living things in the entire universe you’re probably pretty dumb. But Tom is just full-blown conspiracy guy now. Talking about the time he camped at Area 51 and the aliens were straight chillin outside of his tent. Talking about how he’s getting threatened because he has all this secret knowledge of aliens. He’s the guy who gets drunk at parties and starts telling you his 9/11 theories.

Really though, aliens kinda have to exist right? Like it’s every few months someone else has a video of weird shit flying around in the sky. I think the reason aliens don’t want to come here though is because we’re all idiots compared to them. They see us fighting wars and waiting for hours at the MVA and the state of Florida and are like wtf, let’s go somewhere else. Also, kinda strange that we expect aliens to come to us. We haven’t gone to them. Probably because we don’t have the technology, but how do they? Are we really that far behind the rest of the universe in technology? Kinda a bummer.

 

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By Nate posted February 18th, 2015 at 12:33 PM
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