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Reader Email: I Woke Up To 39 Unanswered Text From a Batshit Crazy Girl, Should I Hang Out With Her?

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Nate,

Met this girl out at the bar the other night and we exchanged numbers. Woke up Sunday morning to 39 unanswered texts. Do I go for it?

 

Well shit. The classic conundrum. Bat shit insane girl who wants you down her throat. On one hand, the old mantra is “never stick your dick in crazy”. On the other hand, you never leave a pot of gold just sitting there for someone else to claim. On the first hand, she will literally murder you. On that second hand, it might be worth it. Be a hero and die a legend? Play it safe and live to see another day? It’s all very confusing.

Some people have self control, morals, a brain, etc. I do not. You go for it and accept the consequences later. A girl who will send those texts have no reservations about anything. A dick in her ass is as normal as a peck on the cheek to her. And for that reason, I vote 10.

Vote 1 if you should stay away, far, far away, and Vote 10 if you accept the possibility of death and go for it.

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star6 Star7 Star8 Star9 Star10 Star (1,362 votes, average: 9.60 out of 10)
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By Nate posted August 19th, 2014 at 1:45 PM

And Here Is The Most Crazy Racist Lady You’ll See This Year

 

I’m going to use context clues here and go out on a limb and say I don’t think that lady was too happy. I don’t think she was happy at all, if we’re being completely honest here. And to go even further out on that limb, I don’t think she cares too much for people whose skin is darker than hers. Now don’t get me wrong, I totally get road rage. If you’re in a bad mood because you missed Chicfila breakfast by a few minutes and then someone changes lanes without using their blinker, I totally understand laying on the horn for 15-30 seconds. Not sure if threatening to kill their entire family is the protocol, but hey, different floats for different boats I guess. It’s the gamble you take when you are driving around the south with your eyes shut. If you almost hit that lady, you will feel the wrath.

PS: come on dude, you never tell someone to “relax” when they are on the verge of murdering you. Why was he getting out of his car? At that point, he was just taunting her.
 

By Nate posted August 15th, 2014 at 9:35 AM

The Great Debate: Is It Too Early For Pumpkin Beer/Oktoberfests/Fall Beers to Be On Shelves?

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So last night I went food shopping because you can only eat out/order in for every meal for 3 weeks until you have to get your act together and go to the store. While perusing the aisles I found myself in the beer aisle and noticed it was overstocked with pumpkin beer. Pumpkin beer here, there everywhere. Was poking me in the eyes, I couldn’t escape it. Now it’s a given that pumpkin beers and Oktoberfests are the best seasonal beers money can buy. I’m not talking the shitty Blue Moon pumpkin which tastes like cat piss, I’m talking the shit that you spend money on and makes your mouth cum. However, I whipped out my iPhone 5s and looked at the date and saw it was merely August 14th. And there wasn’t a summer beer in sight, all fall seasonals. And it left me stumped..is it too early for fall beers?

On one hand, no, it’s never too early for delicious beer. If they offered it 24/7, 365, I would buy it, simply because it’s delicious and you don’t need an excuse to enjoy anything that’s delicious. What if one day someone decided pizza was a winter-only food. Would you be mad if they started offering it in the summer? Of course not.

But on the other hand, we have seasons and seasonal beer for a reason. It’s something to look forward to. When the leaves start changing and the NFL is kicking back up, and then you stumble upon your favorite fall beers, it’s just a big bang of wonderfulness unlike anything else. So if the fall beers are already out before mid-August, do they lose their luster?

I hate that I have to say this, but there are hardos who are like “BRO, ONLY DRINK BUD HEAVYS BROOOOOOOOO”. Fuck off. You drink what you like in your pink shorts, I’ll drink what I like on my couch. We aren’t talking about pumpkin lattes from Starbucks, which are pretty good too by the way, we’re talking about beer. You drink Buds and Millers to get drunk, you drink flavorful beers when you just want a few with dinner.
 

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So is August 14th too early for Fall beers? Vote 1 if you won’t have a sip of Pumking until college football starts, Vote 10 if there’s never too much of a good thing, drink up old sport.

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star6 Star7 Star8 Star9 Star10 Star (574 votes, average: 2.37 out of 10)
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PS: If anyone has recommendations for the best pumpkin beers, I’d love to hear them.

By Nate posted August 14th, 2014 at 11:46 AM

What I’ll Miss The Most About Robin Williams


Whose Line Is It Anyway w/ Robin Williams (FULL) – Mod DB

 

As we know, Robin Williams sadly took his own life yesterday. The thing that continually sticks out to me about Robin Williams and the thing that I loved the most about him was how he was always “on”. What do I mean by that? He was always, no matter what, funny. He wasn’t just funny when the cameras were on him, he wasn’t just funny because he was on a stage, he was simply always funny. Even if you just happened to bump into him at a restaurant, he wanted to make you laugh. And it just fucking sucks that a guy who lived his life to make everyone else happy couldn’t find happiness himself.

The outpouring respect and admiration from his peers since the news broke yesterday just shows the cruel irony of Robin Williams’ life. I think Jim Norton said it very well:
 

 
Depression is a real asshole and there’s no shame in getting help. You go to the doctor if you your leg hurts, you can also go to the doctor if your mind hurts. We have this stigma that seeking help is “weak” and it’s simply not true. Demons are real and a lot of times you can’t just “get over it”, the same way you can’t just will a broken leg to heal.

 
Robin Williams was an unbelievable talent. I think we overlook he was a standup comedian who then became an Academy Award winning actor. I thank my parents for allowing me to watch his movies and stand up when I was way too young to understand them. He will certainly be missed.

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By Nate posted August 12th, 2014 at 11:25 AM

Does This Look Like The Face Of a Woman Arrested For Throwing Bricks At a Window “Because it Was Fun!”?

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MD - On August 9, 2014 Cpl. B. Connelly of the St. Mary’s County Sheriff’s Office responded to the 22000 block of Point Lookout Road in Leonardtown for the report of a property destruction. Upon his arrival he located the suspect Michelle Waro, 43 of Lexington Park walking from the rear of the residence laughing telling Cpl. Connelly “take me away because of this”. According to Cpl. Connelly’s statement of probable cause, the victim was seated in the living room of his residence and heard a window shatter and observed a brick flying through the window. He along with the other victims inside the residence ran into the dining room where there are no windows and called the police. They continued to hear several more windows shatter around the residence and observed his daughter in law, Michelle Waro holding a landscaping brick from his flower bed as she continued to throw more bricks. The suspect shattered a total of 9 windows throughout the house and the windows on two pick-up trucks in the driveway causing an estimated $8,000 worth of damage. Once the defendant was placed under arrest she told Cpl. Connelly “this was fun and they are a bunch of Bit**s.” Waro was charged with three counts of reckless endangerment and two counts of property destruction over $1,000. Waro was also arrested on July 30, 2014, for 2nd degree assault and theft under $1,000 on June 27, 2014.

 

We did it! The world’s best mugshot! Congratulations! I feel we should all just take the rest of the day off, it won’t get much better than this. Look at her! Ol’ brick thrower McGee. Loud and proud of what she was doing. Nothing could wipe that smile off her face, even if one of the bricks ricocheted and smacked her right in the pie hole. She wins every mugshot award. Best new mugshot, best mugshot in a leading role, craziest eyes of the year, and might as well give her the lifetime achievement award now.

As for arresting her for throwing bricks at windows, well, she does have a a point. That does sound like a lot of fun. “This was fun and they are a bunch of bitches.” I mean, is it possible for this chick to be any more dope She’s amazing. Couldn’t have started the day on a better foot if a tried.
 

 

Separated at birth?

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h/t @BaconSkittles and @Chris_Grosse

By Nate posted August 12th, 2014 at 9:50 AM

This Psycho Braves Fan’s Chainlink Baseball Card Shirt Is So Ridiculous I Can’t Even Describe It

 

I’m not even sure what to say. Stunned. Been trying to say something about it for the last 45 minutes but there’s nothing I can say that can do it justice. It’s simply a sight that has to be seen. The baseball card shirsey. Unbelievable.
 

 
 
h/t @recordsANDradio

By Nate posted August 9th, 2014 at 1:07 PM

Lorie Ann Hill Is a Teacher Who Showed Up For The First Day Of School Drunk and Without Pants

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My Fox 8 - A public school teacher was arrested Monday after police say she showed up at school for her first day of work under the influence of alcohol and without her pants. School officials say they found Lorie Ann Hill, 49, in an empty classroom disoriented and without pants. The police were called and Hill was booked into the Wagoner City Jail on a public intoxication complaint. School officials say Hill was just recently hired.

 

Summer vacation forever! Not good enough she just got the entire summer off to do whatever the fuck she wanted and still got paid a full time salary, she still had to squeeze one last bender in there, even if it coincided with the first day of school. Teachers man. Bless their little souls for dealing with snotty kids all day, but goodness gracious, there’s only a few jobs you can do drunk and pantsless and I don’t think teaching math you’ll never need to know is one of them. Math is stupid by the way. When it comes to the most pointless shit on Earth, it’s math. Even worse was when a teacher was like “you can’t use calculators”. Yea, okay. I’m sure when the .00001% of people at NASA who use this bullshit math need to solve an equation to make sure a spaceship can fly, they’ll get out some scratch paper and a number 2 pencil. Right.

By Nate posted August 6th, 2014 at 2:27 PM

Insane Clown Posse “Juggalos” Almost Killed Another Juggalo After They Beat The Shit Out Of Him And Then Tried To Burn And Cut A Tattoo Off His Body

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Delmarva - A 31-year-old man is recovering from near-fatal injuries while the two people law enforcement deem responsible for the crime continue to be held without bond. As the result of a Monday morning assault at the home the suspects and victim shared with others near Hebron, Zachary Swanson suffered from fractures to his nasal area and face, brain bleeding, swelling around his eyes, 11 broken ribs and a liver laceration, charging documents state. His arm was also cut and burned, charging documents state. Wicomico County Sheriff Mike Lewis said Swanson’s arm had to be amputated below the elbow, and Lewis said Tuesday afternoon that Swanson was in critical but stable condition at the Bayview burn unit in Baltimore. On Tuesday morning, each of the defendants –– Paul Martin Hurst, 33, and Cary Lee Edwards, 35 –– saw District Court Judge L. Bruce Wade separately in bond reviews via video. Hurst and Edwards were living in the same Hebron-area home as Swanson at 7290 Rockawalkin Road. Wade ordered that both Hurst and Edwards –– each facing charges including first-degree attempted murder –– remain held without bond. A Monday afternoon Sheriff’s Office news release stated detectives were looking into the “strong possibility” of an affiliation with the Juggalos, a cult following of the Insane Clown Posse hip-hop duo. On Tuesday, he said both the suspects and the victim are Juggalos. “They are followers of the Insane Clown Posse, without question,” Lewis said. Edwards and Hurst both hit Swanson, and Edwards used the handle of a yard tool and a shovel during the beating, according to Hurst’s account of events, charging documents state. Edwards said Hurst was also involved in beating Swanson with a “stick-like weapon,” according to charging documents Edwards lit Swanson’s arm on fire, charging documents state. Each of the suspects, according to charging documents, stated that the other suspect had gotten lighter fluid from inside. “This burning was in an attempt to remove a tattoo that Edwards did not believe that Swanson earned,” charging documents state, in relation to Hurst’s account of the incident. Edwards told Detective Tom Funk that before the burning, he and Hurst had tried to cut the tattoo from Swanson’s arm with knives, charging documents state. Lewis said the suspects felt Swanson disrespected the Insane Clown Posse. “To them, he had to pay the consequences,” Lewis said.
 

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Seinfeld-Leaving

 
Welp, that’s that. Great reminder not to go around disrespecting the Insane Clown Posse. I mean Jesus Christ, what the fuck?? They burned and tried to cut off this guy’s tattoo because they didn’t think he “earned” it? Admitting you like the Insane Clown Posse isn’t enough? Calling yourself a “juggalo” doesn’t earn you a lifetime membership into the club? Do you have to fuck your sister first? Inject meth into your eyeballs? I didn’t realize the Juggalos were a group similar to the boy scouts where you have to earn badges and they’ll rip it right off your body if you don’t. So I guess they were just doing their jobs as scout leaders. Hey, if you don’t walk that lady across the street (and then kill her) no tattoo for you! Nobody said the Juggalo life was going to be easy, but boy do you make your parents proud when you get that “smoked my first pound of crack” tattoo.
 

By Nate posted August 6th, 2014 at 10:39 AM

I’d Like To Point Out Pro Bowl OL Richie Incognito, Who Has Never Killed Anyone, Beat His Girlfriend Unconscious, Or Got Caught Doing Drugs, Is Currently a Free Agent

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It just dawned on me that Richie Incognito, whose biggest transgression has been not eating lunch with a pussy offensive lineman, is basically blacklisted by the NFL right now. And it’s not for lack of talent, like say, Tim Tebow. Incognito made the Pro Bowl in 2012. He was known as an above average/pretty good offensive lineman. And he’s miraculously not on a football team right now. So he must have done something outrageous right? Something as crazy as knocking out his girlfriend in an elevator? Something like running over a pedestrian while driving while drunk and high? Oh what’s that? No? He just made a rookie, a grown man who weighs over 300 pounds, pay his dinner bill and made him cry? And that’s why he’s not on a team? Not one team out there needs an experienced offensive lineman who has a clean record (unless we count “bullying a grown man who tattled on him”) I suppose. Sure, Richie probably isn’t great for team chemistry. I understand shying away. He’s a risk…but more of a risk than the bazillions of other players who have been arrested or suspended for doing PEDs? Not even one team giving him a chance is mind blowing. I suppose it’s just crazy to me a guy who beat his girlfriend is more accepted in locker rooms than Richie Incognito is.
 

By Nate posted August 1st, 2014 at 2:24 PM

Manny Machado Has Been Giving Albert Pujols Nightmares All Week

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Previously in adventures of Pujols pulling balls to 3rd base

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And then tonight… Poor guy just wants to bounce back from getting thrown out from the bleachers by 20 feet the night before. Maybe earn his paycheck one time. Manny has other ideas. Casual 5-4-3.

 

 

Then after hitting into a 2nd 5-4-3 double play on the night, the guy thinks he finally smokes one by Manny in extra innings. Ya okay bud.

 

 

 

Unreal hose. We all knew this. Think it’s safe to say the Manny we grew to love in 2013 is back.


By banks posted July 31st, 2014 at 10:59 PM
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