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I’ve Watched This Junior Hockey Player Nearly Decapitate Himself 1,000 Times In A Row, No Exaggeration


Next Impulse - Meet Mitchell Skiba, defenseman for the Alpena Flyers of the Midwest Junior Hockey League. This is the dramatic way he decided to leave the ice after getting a game misconduct for spearing during a recent contest against the MC Monarchs. He is now your new favorite hockey player.


I don’t know if a Vine will ever pass this one. 100 times funnier than anything I’ve ever seen. Guy is all pissed about getting a penalty and then he clotheslines himself straight to hell. Fucking sticks man, always trying to chop your face off. How do you bounce back from that? What do you do? Nobody will see it right? You keep on skating and oh fuck, someone Vined it for the entire Internet to see.

h/t Pete via @JessicaStarbard/@WBKBSports

By Nate posted January 13th, 2015 at 4:41 PM

This Savvy, Silk Robe Wearing Entrepreneur Buys Up Domain Names For All The Plagues and Diseases and Then Sells Them For Profit, Is Currently Trying To Get 150k For

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WaPo - Jon Schultz is a cigarette-thin man who will, upon requests for a photograph, don a ruby robe and strike a regal pose. Schultz is a businessman and he wants to look good. There’s money to be made everywhere — even off tragedy and disaster. For the right kind of entrepreneur, Shultz said Monday night, calamity affords a very unique business opportunity. And Schulz, merchant of disease domains, is that kind of entrepreneur. Name a disease, and there’s a chance Schultz owns it. He has He has He has one for the deadly mosquito-borne disease, Chikungunya, and another for Marburg. And finally, there’s the jewel of his trove., which Schultz bought in 2008 for $13,500. The time for the payout has arrived. Schultz wants $150,000 for — a price he thinks is more than reasonable. “According to our site meter, we’re already doing 5,000 page views per day just by people typing in to see what’s there,” said Schultz, who monitors headlines the way brokers watch their portfolios, to gauge his domain’s worth. “We’re getting inquiries every day about the sale of it. I have a lot of experience in this sort of domain business, and my sense is that $150,000 is reasonable.” “Our domain,, is worth way more than We’re definitely holding onto that one for the event,” he said, referring to an outbreak he contends could be way bigger than Ebola, turning the owner of into a very rich man. “That one’s airborne and Ebola would never go airborne in the United States like bird flu can.” Schultz has been waiting years for a time like this to turn a profit on And in the unfortunate event that there is a bird flu or Marburg outbreak, there Schultz will be again, hawking domains of profound tragedy, looking to make money.


Ladies and gentleman, your favorite person in the world, Jon Schultz. Silk robes, expensive paintings, and buying up websites of diseases that kill people around the globe. All in a day’s work. So what if Ebola is killing people? Does that mean it shouldn’t make Jon a rich, rich man? Get off your high horses, world. First of all, it’s (pretty much) only killing people in Africa, and they don’t even have the Internet there, so it’s no help really. And yea, so a couple people here have died of it (RIP), but I don’t think would have saved their lives. WebMD, ever heard of it? Plus, if you didn’t want to get Ebola, you probably shouldn’t have gotten Ebola. Jon Schulz is only guilty of being smarter than all of us. I just don’t get why he only wants $150,000. Ebola is the new hotness. Capitalize on that shit. Sell some tshirts! What, is it in bad taste to sell tshirts profiting off the tragedy of others? In your dreams. AMERICA!

By Nate posted October 14th, 2014 at 1:55 PM

Floyd Mayweather Gets Pissed and Bickers With a Woman Who Has No Idea Who He Is


Floyd’s world and we’re just living in it. That’s not a cliche sentence, that’s literally what he believes. He can’t read, but he doesn’t have to. Because in his world, reading doesn’t exist. All that exists is himself and stacks of cash. And am I jealous? Absolutely. That’s the dream. To be as selfish as possible and have money solve everything. So it’s the least shocking video of all time to see him fight a woman who has no idea who he is. Because in his brain, it’s impossible to not know. Despite the fact boxing is a dying sport, he lives in America, and she’s a mid age woman from England, he fully 100% believes he is more famous than the Queen. And I love him pretending not to know who Husain Bolt is. He’s so mad she doesn’t know who he is, he pretends not to know who Bolt is.

PS: For sure the people he pays to read stuff to him lie to him all the time. Or add stuff to contracts. Yes Mr. Floyd sir, it does say right here in the fine print you owe me 10% of your future wages. I eventually see him ending up like the old women who get ripped off by door to door salesmen and end up signing away all their money.

Still the funniest video ever.

By Nate posted October 1st, 2014 at 4:02 PM

There Was a D2: Mighty Ducks Reunion and They Did a Flying V and it Looked AWESOME


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Sporting News - From left, that’s Mike “Luis Mendoza” Vitar, Garrett “Guy Germaine” Henson, Moreau, Vincent “Adam Banks” LaRusso, Aaron “Dean Portman” Lohr and Scott “Gunnar Stahl” Whyte.


First of all, who the fuck invited Gunnar to the Ducks reunion? That’s some bullshit right there. Unless Connie is letting him plop his sweet Icelandic ass cheeks on her face, he had no reason to be there. Also, Banks looks exactly the same. And isn’t a bad Ravens blogger either. And I bet he LOVES cake eater jokes in the comment section. He’s told me. He loves them. In fact, go leave one now.

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There it is! The Flying V! It looks glorious!!! Who cares if it’s the most illogical play in the history of sports, it’s awesome and we love it.

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Connie, you slut! Button that shirt! If Averman was invited he is going to blow his load.

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Alright Goldberg, stop living in the past. Poor fella. If there’s one person who needs another Mighty Ducks movie, it’s gotta be Goldberg.

PS: Remember when Mighty Ducks had the Oreo line? What a thing that was.


PS: Bombay was a dickhead, but a damn good coach. Shocker he wasn’t at the reunion.

By Nate posted September 22nd, 2014 at 10:50 AM

This Flop From Neymar Is My Favorite Flop I’ve Ever Seen And Probably Ever Will


Just because the World Cup is over doesn’t mean world-class players have to stop flopping. And thank goodness for that, because Neymar fired off an absolutely brilliant dive. World class. Fish on land are jealous of his form.

Ric Flair approves.

By Nate posted September 6th, 2014 at 1:25 AM

Ray Rice Just Getting a Standing Ovation At Camp Today/The Ravens Website Thinks It’s a Great Thing




Well that is just something else. Sports is an incredible, incredible very weird thing. I’m not even going to say this is “so Baltimore” or whatever. I think it’s way, wayyyy past that. It’s a sports thing. It’s the way we are brought up and making these guys out to be heroes. The people of Baltimore (for the most part) have been with everyone else on this issue that they think it was too lenient of a suspension. So why the standing ovation? I guess they think they are offering support to a guy who helped them win a Super Bowl. People see a guy for what he is on the field, not off. As long as he can help them win games, alls good. Happens on every team in every sport. Before he beat the shit out of his wife, it was hard to go 1 block in Baltimore without bumping into someone in a Ray Rice jersey. He in a way took the crown from Ray Lewis at the Ravens fan-favorite. But you shouldn’t give a standing ovation to a guy who did that. He’s still a person, not just a football player, and we do a really bad job of separating the two.

Now my real question and maybe the bigger issue here is how in the wide world of fuck did the Ravens think it was a good idea to promote the fact their fans gave him a standing ovation? Do they have any idea how bad that looks? Do they have the slightest clue that the conversation for the last 5 days has been how horrifically this entire situation has been handled?

Remember what their Twitter tweeted right after the press conference?




And then the NFL patted themselves on the back in a statement they released supporting only giving him 2 games. And to my knowledge, no discipline from the Ravens at all, but on the contrary, coach Harbaugh said he stands behind Ray Rice. It’s all very strange.
I don’t know. I’m not going to get too deep here, but it’s very strange the way people handle domestic violence. Chris Brown is at every awards show and has smash hit after smash hit. His career barely hiccuped. Ray Rice got a 2 game suspension and a standing ovation after nearly punching his wife’s head to Jupiter. The Ravens are promoting that he got a standing ovation, and the NFL is congratulating themselves for a job well done on how they handled the all thing. I feel like we are living in bizarro world.


By Nate posted July 29th, 2014 at 1:48 PM

MFK Friday in the DMV – Your Top Rated Girls From The Month Of April

Ashley Ann Vickers

Lucy Pinder

Minka Kelly

Total Number of Votes: 9288

Ashley Ann Vickers:


Lucy Pinder:


Minka Kelly:



These are the girls from the wakeups that you voting highest in the month of April. Pretty strong showing. And pretty hard to MFK them. My current thought process is you have to marry either Ashley or Minka, and you have to fuck Lucy Pinder. But if you fuck Lucy Pinder, that means killing one of the other two, and that’s plain stupid. But if you have just one fuck for the rest of your life, are you picking Minka or Pinder? That’s the fucking issue here.

Marry: Ashley Ann Vickers. Obviously. She’s the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be.

Fuck: Minka. I originally had Lucy Pinder and her enormous jugs here. But then I kept thinking about how Lyla Garrity dripped sex all over Dillon, Texas and had to change it. Minka all day, Texas forever.

Kill: Pinder. Let’s donate her tits to a museum first though and hang them next to the Mona Lisa. Things are impeccable. Forces of nature. Pure beauts.

By Nate posted May 9th, 2014 at 12:50 PM

The People’s Champ Got To Try The New Doritos Locos Tacos Today


Happy Cinco de Mayo indeed! And what better way to celebrate Mexico than eating authentic, delicious Mexican cuisine? And just as luck would have it, the nice folks at Taco Bell allowed me to be the first person in the world to eat and review their newest Doritos Locos Tacos. They don’t even drop til way later in the week, and I got the VIP treatment that you expect from a place like TB. Let me also say this isn’t an advertisement for them and they’ve never paid me. I do it for the love of the game.

When we got there, the guy who runs the Taco Bell, David shot the shit for a few minutes about the breakfast menu, just one aficionado to another. It’s always good when you can have a deep discussion with someone who is in the game. I felt like a little leaguer who was allowed to pick the brain of Stephen Strasburg. And he actually blew my mind when he said he substitutes a hashbrown in the waffle taco. That’s some next level Taco Bell’ing, and that’s why he gets paid the big bucks. He then also explained to me the new DLT comes in two varieties; one with the green sauce, and one with a really spicy sauce. Naturally I got one of each, even though he was trying to get me to eat 100 of them, I had to decline, I couldn’t let my taco score be changed based on quantity. Oh and yes, you always go supreme. Sour cream all day. On to the reviews:

DLT Review 1 – Green Sauce

It was incredible. The shredded chicken is so, so good. For a moment there I thought I floated away and was actually in a 5 star restaurant before I realized nope, still Lee Highway Taco Bell. The sauce was great, the cool ranch shell was great, just a solid taco. If you’re as into chicken tacos as I’m into chicken tacos (I always go chicken tacos, even over steak or beef tacos whenever I have the choice) then you’ll really like these.

DLT Review 1 – The Hotter Sauce One


Let me say this about the 10 rating: I regret it because that means nothing can be better. It’s a 9.9 though. What does the 10/9.9 score mean? It’s the best product I’ve ever had at a Taco Bell. The best. Better than the Cinnabon Delights (which I’ve had 10 of today), better than the previous DLTs, simply the best Taco Bell product to date. It had everything right. The hot sauce and the sour cream were perfect together. Like, I’m not sure if I was eating food or a masterpiece that should be hanging next to the Mona Lisa. Also what added to the score is I’m a soft taco guy, and a taco with a hard shell just made me precum all over the place.


PS: So where do I go from here? Oh let me tell you this, David at Taco Bell let me know there are more breakfast items on the way. Unreal. Simply unreal.

By Nate posted May 5th, 2014 at 3:55 PM

This Kid Literally Cannot Believe He Is Holding A Baseball

I could wake up tomorrow morning knuckle deep in Kate Upton and I still wouldn’t be as shocked as this kid is that he’s holding a baseball. I’ve never seen a reaction like that to anything ever. He literally, in every literal definition of the word, cannot believe he has a baseball in his hands. He can’t even form words. Some people want to win the lottery, some people want to bang super models, this kid just wanted a foul ball at a Colorado Rockies game. Unfortunately, it’s all down here from here, kid.


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By Nate posted April 22nd, 2014 at 1:50 PM

Play the Game That’s Sweeping The Nation! Name…That…Easter Bunny!


Grab some chairs and call the family over to the computer…it’s time to play everyone’s favorite game, Name That Easter Bunny!












Answer Key:



Samantha Hoopes

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Danielle Sharp

sharp3 (1)

Arianny Celeste


Helen Owen


Candice Swanepoel


Ashley Sky


Sophie Reade


Madison Welch


Shawn Dillon


Happy Easter everyone!

By Nate posted April 20th, 2014 at 11:13 AM
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