Another day, another smokeshow from Maryland. No quit at College Park. Hot bodies for days.
Send your smokeshow nominations to DMV@Barstoolsports.com.
Another day, another smokeshow from Maryland. No quit at College Park. Hot bodies for days.
Send your smokeshow nominations to DMV@Barstoolsports.com.
Oh yea. Kayaking sure looks like fun. Why go to a bar when you can get in a kayak and get within 1 second of death when a giant killer whale strolls into town? What was with their giggling? Don’t they know this whale has more strength in it’s baby toe than they have in their entire bodies? If the whale didn’t kill them, they should have died from shitting out their entire body. Just all their insides, flowing out their shit hole. Guess they got lucky they stumbled upon Free Willy and the ocean wasn’t angry that day.
Looks like Ovi has moved on past whats her name. And moved on up too. Riddle me this: A tennis player and a gymnast want to blow Ovi, which one is he choosing? Trick question, both. But once the tennis player finds out, he obviously chose the gymnast. And wouldn’t you? Let’s take a look at Karolina Sevastyanova:
So yea. Ovi is banging a new smoke now. Love it. You know that swagger you roll into work with after banging the night before? Ovi is gonna have that every day. Every damn day he’s going to be hitting his hardest and scoring 100 goals, then he’ll go home and this chick will do a split right across his face and SNIFF SNIFF that smell is the cup, and it just got stronger.
Annapolis – On July 21, 2014, at 6:37 p.m., officers responded to the parking garage at the Maryland Live! Casino for a 911 call to check the well-being of an elderly female, who was located inside of a truck. A concerned citizen contacted police after seeing the victim inside of the vehicle. The officers located a red Ford truck with North Carolina registration plates. Inside of the vehicle was a 98-year-old female victim seated unaccompanied. Officers learned that she had been in the truck alone for an extended period of time. Investigation revealed that the victim arrived inside of the parking garage sometime prior to 1:42 p.m. with her son, who was driving the vehicle. Her son then proceeded into the casino, leaving her alone in the vehicle. The suspect did not leave the casino until 6:17 p.m., leaving the victim alone and without care for nearly five hours. The female is confined to a wheelchair and is incapable of providing the basic needs for herself. The only evidence of food or drink in the vehicle was an empty soda can. The air temperature at the time of the report was 81 degrees, and the victim was found inside the vehicle with one window only partially open. When initially approached, the victim seemed confused and responded incoherently to the officer’s questions. As the conversations continued, she became more coherent and was able to assist officers in locating her son. She was provided with water and Anne Arundel County EMS was summoned to examine her. She was determined not to be in medical distress. At approximately 7:15 p.m., officers were finally able to reach the son on his cell phone. He returned to the vehicle at 7:25 p.m. where he was placed under arrest. The victim is a 98-year-old woman from Raleigh, North Carolina. The Department of Social Services was advised of this incident.
I don’t see the big deal. She’s 98 years old for Pete’s sake, she didn’t know if she was in the car in a parking garage, in bed at home eating smashed up peas, or riding Yoshi to the Mushroom Kingdom. Either way she’s shitting her diaper and being a general pain in the ass. He left her a soda for hydration and cracked a window for a breath of fresh air, what more do you want from the guy? He just needed to roll the dice in a casino for a few hours, and what safer place than the car to leave his mother? It’s not like he left her home alone where she can attempt to do something and get hurt. He was looking out for her safety. Her wellbeing. At the end of the day, he’s the guy taking care of his 98 year old mother, toss him a break here.
PS: How bout the frown on him? It’s awesome. It’s so hard to get a perfect frown like that. It’s PERFECTLY shaped. Frown HOF worthy. Never seen anything quite like it. The Mona Lisa of frowns.
The NHL offseason sucks. You know what doesn’t suck? Hot girls who shovel ice. So until the regular season starts (and possibly during it too) we will honor our ice shovelers, our tshirt throwers, our NHL ice girls.
Kicking it off is Rachel of the Columbus Blue Jackets. There are no words.
Not sure it gets hotter than Rachel. But we can try. Send me nominations for ice girls of the week to DMV@Barstoolsports.com.
Not gonna find much better value than this. $20 to play, 20k for first. That would almost be enough to pay off my student loans. Almost.
Draft your team by 7:05 tonight, be rich when you wake up tomorrow morning. Easy as cake.
This 5670-player contest boasts a $100,000.00 prize pool and pays out the top 1125 finishing positions. First place wins $20,000.00. Good luck!
MFK Tuesday time. All three of these girls do good work in the looks department. All three I’d bring home to Thanksgiving dinner. And all 3 I’d eat their ass like when you lick the pudding off the top of a snackpack.
Marry: Blake Lively. You have to marry Blake Lively. You can’t not.
Fuck: Selena. She does it for me in big ways. Are people still sleeping on her? She’s getting tats now and going dick crazy, needs the dick just to get out of bed in the morning.
Kill: Watson. Any other MFK she’s the marry. Today she’s the kill. Sexy ass accent though.
Tomorrow’s the day. We’re just getting seated at the table, we’ve got bread to hold us over, and our first appetizer comes August 7th against the Niners in Baltimore. Gotta cut 90 guys down to 53 before the main course in Week 1 against Cincinnati.
Yesterday we talked offense. While the offense is getting overhauled to fix their awful 2013 performance, the defense is mostly looking to fill some holes in what has become an annual tradition in Baltimore. Year after year, the Ravens develop standout defensive players that eventually become too expensive to keep. And every single year, guys fill those shoes and maintain the tradition of great defense in Baltimore.
The Ravens D was “good, not great” in every sense of the phrase in 2013. 12th in the league in both yards and points allowed per game, and 12th in passing YPG and 11th in rushing YPG. If they can crack the top 10 this year and have the offense fulfill their potential, this team will take the AFC North and contend for a title. If either falter, they’re watching in January again. Here are the defensive storylines for training camp.
The Defensive Line and the Pass Rush
The Ravens finished with a modest 40 sacks last year, finishing 16th in the league. What that statistic doesn’t show is that they faltered down the stretch, only taking down the QB thrice in their final 5 games. In fact, Terrell Suggs and Elvis Dumervil only racked up a sack a piece in their final 7 games. Baltimore defenses pride themselves on their ability to get to the quarterback, and failing to do so was their demise last year.
Obviously they need to rededicate themselves to the pass-rush. Suggs and Dumervil can’t do it all either. Ngata will hold his own in the middle, but veterans like Chris Canty need to step up and pitch in on the inside. They’ll miss the departed Art Jones on the end, as Brandon Williams is the favorite to replace him. He’ll be competing with Kapron Lewis-Moore and rookie Brent Urban for the job. It’ll be up to them to resurrect this pass rush.
CJ Mosley And The Linebacking Corps.
Daryl Smith did a great job quarterbacking the defense in year 1 of the post-Ray Lewis era. It’s great to see him back again, but he’s not the long-term solution. 1st round pick CJ Mosley is. And training camp is our first opportunity to see him in action, and I couldn’t be more excited. Prototypical inside linebacker with incredible instincts, safe to say he’s NFL ready.
He already appears to have a leg up on Arthur Brown to start beside Smith. Other battles include Pernell Mcphee and Courtney Upshaw competing for snaps at outside linebacker behind Dumervil and Suggs, who have both proven to be injury prone in recent years. Josh Bynes and Albert McClellan are fighting for roster spots as well.
Secondary Camp Battles
The secondary is the defensive area to actively watch during training camp. We know we’ve got great cover corners in Jimmy Smith and Lardarius Webb. We know we’ve got a solid young strong safety in Matt Elam. But there’s not a lot of depth behind those guys. And that scares the piss out of me in today’s NFL.
Rookie Terrance Brooks was thought to be the guy at free safety when he was drafted in the 3rd round out of FSU, but free agent signee Darian Stewart is now the frontrunner for the job. Stewart, like Elam, is a physical presence in the secondary, which means the Ravens won’t be starting a center-field type safety who can cover a lot of ground. That more accurately describes Brooks. For fucks’ sake, Stewart only has one interception in 53 career games played. We’ll see who gets the job out of camp, but I think Brooks takes over by midseason.
The other storyline is the depth chart battle at corner behind Smith and Webb. Asa Jackson and Chykie Brown battled it out in minicamps all offseason with neither emerging as the guy. Ozzie Newsome brought in veterans Aaron Ross and Dominique Franks to join the competition. Ross may have the upper hand to be the nickelback having played under new secondary coach Steve Spagnuolo in New York. They’ll have their hands full against the talented receivers on their preseason schedule, as well as their own teammates in practice.
Our special teams is better than yours.
Here’s the Ravens Preseason Schedule. August 7th can’t come soon enough.
Football’s here, let’s dig in.
Post – Which brings us to Jaworski’s 2014 rankings, which were published this week. Griffin is now 21st, which means he ranks last among NFC East quarterbacks. Virtually all the young stars he’s typically mentioned with — Andrew Luck (fifth), Russell Wilson (ninth), Colin Kaepernick (13th), Cam Newton (14th) — are ahead of him. So are, obviously, Eli Manning (11th), Tony Romo (12th) and Nick Foles (15th). Heck, so are Alex Smith (17th), Jay Cutler (19th) and Carson Palmer (20th).
My goodness, this guy gets paid to write about football. Jaws is absolutely off his rocker. I am being 1000% objective about this. Anyone who thinks Eli Manning is the 11th best QB in the league is either blind, retarded, or both. Should have no place writing about Hungry Hungry Hippos, nevermind football. Eli is AWFUL. Tragically awful. And yes, he has 2 Super Bowl rings, I get that. Which is probably the most underrated amazing thing in all of sports. It might go 1) Miracle on Ice, 2) Corky Manning having 2 rings.
Now, as for RG3, we’ve gone on and on about what a disaster last season was. In case you’re new, my thoughts on last season are as follows: He should not have started the season, probably until week 5 or 6. He was at 70% AT BEST, had zero zippy nadda offseason reps, missed every practice and preseason game, etc. It was a complete joke that he played week one. And it sabotaged the season. Add in that Mike Shanahan was a complete douche and it was a recipe for disaster. And despite all that, despite playing hurt and having absolutely zero offseason, he still finished the season with an 82 QB rating, over 3,000 yards passing, and a 16:12 TD/INT ratio in 13 games. And RG3 is healthy now. No brace. A full offseason. A head coach who isn’t a rich egotistical asshole. An offensive coordinator who knows his game inside and out. And DeSean Jackson added to the already good offense.
All I’m saying is in his rookie season, RG3 had over a 100 QB rating and completed 66% of his passes. To put him as the 4th best QB in the NFC East is a big time joke. I’m fine putting Foles ahead of him, he tore it up last year. Kid was a beast. But it’s obvious to anyone with a brain in their noggin that Griffin is the easy number 2. Then put cum guzzling Romo and Doofy in whatever order you want.
AA - The ESPN columnist joined Keith Olbermann on the latter’s eponymous show to talk about what the Cleveland Cavaliers should do with Canadian Andrew Wiggins, the No. 1 overall pick in June’s NBA Draft who has reportedly been discussed in trade talks for Minnesota Timberwolves All-Star Kevin Love. Whitlock took the opportunity to make a broad, sweeping statement about Canadian athletes as a whole. Fast-forward to 3:20: Andrew Wiggins is from Canada, and Canadian athletes (I think, among NBA players and NBA people) perhaps don’t want it as much as even some of the Europeans and certainly the American players. Later in the show, Olbermann gave Whitlock a chance to apologize, or back-track, bringing a discussion about Johnny Manziel back to Whitlock’s earlier remarks. But there was no back-tracking (jump to 1:28): I hope I’m not in trouble for [the earlier comments], but I’m telling you. This is what a lot of NBA people believe, that American-born and even some of the European players that come [over to play in the NBA]. They have more intensity, more of a hunger for the game. They’re not as laid back. Look, Canada’s a laid-back place, which is probably a positive thing. There’s positive-ness to not taking basketball and being so intense or being so bottom-line driven as we are here in America where it’s ‘work, work, work, work, work and just go-get-go-get and that’s all we respect. But I’m just telling you, this is the conversation with basketball people: Does he have that ‘dog’ in him? Does he want to be the greatest all the time? Does he know how to give that consistent effort all the time? And they think that’s a question that a lot of players from north of the border have to answer. Once again, he insists this is an opinion held by multiple people making decisions about NBA rosters. Regardless of whether or not that’s true, that’s nothing but lazy, insulting stereotypes that have little to no basis in reality. Remember in part one when Olbermann called Whitlock out and said, “What we saw [in Wiggins at Kansas] was a kid!”? In response, Whitlock said: I had an eating problem when I was 15, 16 years old. I’m now 47. So sometimes what we see as a kid is who we are as adults.
Yep. If there is one thing we all know about Canadians, it’s that they are lazy. If Andrew Wiggins wanted to be a good NBA player, he shouldn’t have been born so fucking Canadian. They just don’t want it as much as us Americans. Never have, never will. Never get after it, never succeed. All they want to do is sit in their igloos drinking maple syrup all damn day. Why would we expect Andrew Wiggins, the # 1 pick in the NBA draft, to be any different? Just think about it…have you ever….EVER watched a sport and seen a Canadian be anything but laid back and lazy? I know I haven’t. That’s why when you look at the NHL all the best players are born of the red, white and blue, and the Canadian players are just happy to be there. Too laid back. It’s just in their blood to be lazybones. In their DNA. Lazy fucks through and through.