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Halloween Taking You Into The Weekend

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Another week in the books.

If you’re local, Clarendon bar crawl tomorrow is a must.

Have a safe weekend.


By Nate posted October 31st, 2014 at 5:30 PM

Mother Of The Year Nominee Got Drunk Then Left Her Child In The Movie Theater To Go Hang Out With Her Friends

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Orlando - Altamonte Springs police have charged a mother with child neglect after they say she left a 7-year-old boy alone at the movies for hours on Thursday afternoon to go drink with friends. Carolina Uchoa was arrested after taking her son, Valentino, to a movie at The Picture Show on East Altamonte Drive and leaving him during the movie, according to the report. Police said Valentino went outside after the movie and couldn’t find his mother or her car, but had her purse and phone, but didn’t know the lock code to make calls. “He was wandering around the parking lot looking for her car,” said the boy’s father, Jorge Hernandez. Hernandez said Valentino hid in the movie theater for more than 3 hours. When Hernandez called Valentino’s mother to see how the day was going, Valentino answered the phone and told him he didn’t know where his mother was. Hernandez left work and went to pick up Valentino, police said. According to the report, the boy told his father that Uchoa was drinking “mean juice,” which is their code word for alcohol. “He recognizes it as mean juice because he says whenever she drinks that she does mean, nasty things,” Hernandez said. Police said Uchoa’s mother was contacted by Hernandez in an effort to find Uchoa. Uchoa’s mother told police that she drove back from Key West when she found out her daughter left the movies and got a hold of Uchoa, who sounded heavily intoxicated and offered to pick her up. Uchoa was picked up at a friend’s house at Waterside at Crane’s Roost apartments and her mother took her to the police department to turn herself in, according to the report. Uchoa told officers that nothing happened and she was “just hanging out.” The Department of Children and Families was called to investigate and Uchoa was booked into the Seminole County jail. She was ordered to not have contact with any children, including her son, at her first appearance.


Wahhhh, I was left alone in a movie theater, wahhhhhhh. Oh zip it. Sounds pretty awesome to me. At 7 that was the dream, your parents allowing you to go somewhere by yourself. And this kid had free reign of the movie theater. Dude could have snuck into any movie he wanted, but instead he spent 3 hours crying because his mom ditched his bitch ass. Sorry she couldn’t be around you for more than an hour without needing to hit the hooch. Can’t really blame her either. Life just gave him lemons, and instead of making some PG-13 and buttered popcorn lemonade, he cried like a little baby about it. No wonder the mom drinks her “mean juice”, she has to deal with his nerdy ass all damn day. Probably the reason the parents are divorced to begin with. Just be fucking cool one time for me. Then maybe the mom wouldn’t have to ditch his whimpering ass at the theater just to have some time with her friends.

By Nate posted October 31st, 2014 at 4:37 PM

Do Guys Really Even Have To Dress Up On Halloween? This Is Just A Holiday For Girls To Look Slutty Right?

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I’ve come to the conclusion that there is absolutely no reason an adult male has to dress up on Halloween. A child, yes, absolutely you have to dress up if you want candy. You can’t be that asshole that goes trick or treating and says “I’m me” at the door and then expect candy. Get the fuck out. If you want candy, you at least put on a mask and fake it. Then when you’re in college, you just wear a jersey or whatever. Inside look at every college freshman at their first college Halloween party:




But now, as an adult I don’t think I need to dress up anymore. This is no longer a holiday for me. It’s now only a holiday for single girls to be slutty. That’s it. A day they can walk around as slutty Spongebob Squarepants and nobody bats an eye. A day where the fat friend can strap on wings and claim they are Victoria’s Secret models, because you know, on Halloween you truly can be whatever you want. Side note: On that point, tonight is the night the hot friends shine, and when the fat friend is most insecure and vulnerable. And the fat friend knows that she can’t cock block tonight. Not on Halloween. So when the clock strikes midnight and you’re on the verge of striking out, find the FF.

Now this is not to say guys can’t or shouldn’t dress up. By all means, do it. It’s in the spirit of the holiday. But the way I see it, sure you can go buy a Waldo hat and shirt and be Waldo. Or wear a stupid jersey. But that shit is played out and unoriginal. I would say you can buy a mask but then you can’t breath, can’t see, and can’t drink. Costumes for guys are nearly impossible. But you shouldn’t feel bad or guilty for just going to the bar and being the drunk guy. That’s what Halloween really should be all about for us guys. Creepily looking at all the slutty girls, and being drunk enough to maybe talk to one.

PS: #BarstoolHalloween on Twitter is incredible.

By Nate posted October 31st, 2014 at 3:37 PM

An Armored Truck Sprayed Money All Over The Highway Today, And The Police Are Saying The Motorists Who Scrambled To Pick Up The Free Money Can Be Charged With Theft

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WaPo – A door malfunction on an armored vehicle sent money flying along Interstate 270 on Friday morning. The incident, which began about 8 a.m., initially was thought by officials to involve the crash of an armored vehicle that was headed northbound on I-270 near Route 80 in Urbana. The driver of the vehicle, which was owned by Canada-based GardaWorld, was in the far left lane of the interstate when a lock on a door of the Ford E-350 van malfunctioned. A bag of cash fell out, sending bills flying. It was still being determined how much money flew out. Drivers stopped, got out of their vehicles and started grabbing the cash, police said. So many vehicles stopped that they essentially shut down the northbound lanes of the road. No one was injured. When a fire official also stopped and turned on the emergency lights of his vehicle, drivers fled onto Route 80 with money, police said. By the time troopers arrived on the scene, “there wasn’t much to pick up,” said Greg Shipley, a spokesman with the state police. Shipley said the driver realized the door was open, and he was looking for a way to pull over and stop. “By the time he gets over, cash is floating through the air,” Shipley said. “Most, if not all the vehicles suddenly stopped with people’s hands raised in the air.” “Traffic came to a stop when all the motorists stopped to pick up the cash,” he said. “The cash was so quickly picked up by numerous motorists.” Police searched the area and brought in one of their dogs to sniff for the money. They found a little over $200 along the shoulder of the highway. A call to Garda, the armored vehicle company, was not immediately returned. Anyone who took the money should turn it in to the state police barracks in Frederick, officials said. “Sorry folks, it is not your money,” Shipley said. “If you picked it up and turn it in, you’re being a good citizen.” And if not? The highway money grabbers could be charged with theft, according to police. Shipley said investigators would be looking at area traffic cameras to try to identify people. Surprisingly, there were no immediate pictures of people grabbing the flying cash on social media. Shipley suspects “people were too busy collecting cash to take a picture.” One citizen did come in to the Frederick barracks at about noon to turn in $1,160 in $20 bills, Shipley said.


I’m sorry, come again, theft? In what world is this theft? The second the money is floating through the air, it’s a free for all. No holds barred, finders keepers slobberknocker. The only crime here is the truck littering. Good for those commuters to take time out of their busy day to clean up the highways. And come on, really. Let’s just think about this one. It has to be the cops trying to scare people into returning the money right? There’s no way in Hell it’s theft for picking money up off the road. If you break into the truck, yes, I get that’s theft. When it’s flying through the air like one of those game show games where you’re put in a box full of money and try to grab as much as you can in 30 seconds, that’s just fun for everyone. And a stroke of good luck. Great moments are born from great opportunities. You don’t give back $1,160. You just don’t. Plus if you spend it before they find you, you never really had any money at all.

By Nate posted October 31st, 2014 at 2:35 PM

Ravens-Steelers Preview: A Rivalry Renewed Part II



Time to fucking roll. Ravens. Steelers. Sunday Night Football. Tight AFC North race. The blood is flowing just thinking about it. Yeah the Steelers are coming off a monster game against the Colts. And the Ravens lost a heartbreaker last week. Don’t matter. These are dogfights. These are the games that bring out the best in both sides. Even though the Steelers didn’t get off the bus in Baltimore, they’ll be ready to bring it on Sunday, dumb towels in tow. Gotta go into their barn and send those degenerates home devastated. Here are your keys to a Ravens victory:


1. Cover Antonio Brown Like A Blanket


This has kept me up at night all week. Losing Jimmy Smith to a foot sprain couldn’t have come at a worse time. It’s nice to have Lardarius Webb finally healthy, but Jimbo had clearly supplanted Webb as the number one guy and did a decent job of keeping him at bay in Week 2. Brown is the catalyst of this offense, and is on pace for another 100+ catch, 1700+ yard season. Yeah Big Ben threw the ball all over the yard last week, but we know what he’s capable of and know how to handle him. Brown puts the fear of god into me. He’s a great route runner, so I expect Webb to play him physical at the line to disrupt his routes. Just gotta make sure we’ve got a safety behind him to make sure Webb doesn’t get burned. Keep Brown in check.


2. Protecting the Football

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In week 2 we obliterated Pittsburgh in the turnover department 3-0. Real hard to lose a football game that way. More recently, we’ve been prone to turn the ball over, with 5 turnovers in the past 2 weeks. Some of those plays have been flukes, and some of them have been miscommunications between Flacco and his receivers, mainly Torrey Smith. 5 of Flacco’s 7 interceptions have been targets to Torrey. Time to clean that up. On the other side, the Steelers can’t hold onto the rock. They lost 2 fumbles in our earlier matchup, and lost another 2 last week. Rip it out boys!


3. Win the Battle in the Trenches


Hit em in the mouth all night long. You won’t win a Ravens-Steelers game without getting your nose in there and winning the battle in the trenches. Our offensive line is finally healthy and ready to reproduce their early season performance. Justin Forsett should be able to run all over the Steelers again, with a nice dose of Lorenzo Taliaferro in the red zone. Meanwhile Haloti Ngata has been a beast in recent weeks. Leveon Bell is a great back, but our rush defense is better. They haven’t allowed a 100 yard rusher in 18 weeks. And they’re only getting better. CJ Mosley is running away with the DROY, and would have a shot at the DPOY if JJ Watt wasn’t JJ Watt. Dominate on the ground and the result will be similar to week 2.


4. Finish the Game

If we break down the Ravens 3 losses, it really just comes down to finishing the game. 2 drives against the Bengals came up short, and so did the one on the Colts. They’ve been right there. 9 of the last 12 Ravens-Steelers games’ have been decided by 3 points or less. Flacco has managed long game winning drives in Heinz Field before and he can certainly do it again. I’m not as confident in our defense making the big stop after last week so if it comes down to it, hopefully the ball is in Flacco’s hand’s and not Ben’s.


Let’s fire some bullets…

Why you should feel shitty about tonight’s game: Flacco is 7-8 in his career vs. Pittsburgh, every corner behind Webb is garbage, Mike Tomlin will cheat to win if he has to, Will Hill inexplicably gets fewer snaps than he should, Steelers are the worst 5-3 team that’s ever existed.

Why you should feel great about tonight’s game: Flacco is 5-2 in his last 7 games vs. Pittsburgh, nobody has sacked Roethlisberger more than Suggs, best point differential in the world, there isn’t a football player on the planet more cut out for these games than Steve Smith, Justin Tucker.

By banks posted October 31st, 2014 at 1:40 PM

Not Enough People Watched This Video Of The Cowboys Fan Destroying His House After They Lost To The Redskins On Monday Night


Originally posted yesterday by Smitty, this video is too good not to post again. And any time there is a video like this, the first thought is “is it fake?” This has to be real, right? Nobody would cause that much damage for the sake of a video that they didn’t even shoot in portrait view. However, one big question: if this guy is really that big of a Cowboys fan, how does he still react like this? Has he not watched the Cowboys play in December for the last 3 years? It’s what they do. They blow games. They are losers. Have to believe he’s burned down several houses in the past. Also, his roommates are way too giddy for what just happened. Any guy who does that to a house surely isn’t getting out the dustpan and broom the next morning and tidying up. What a disaster.


PS: I’m well aware this is what you crazy kids like to call a “reblog”. But it was posted after business hours yesterday and I just watched it for the first time and it is an absolutely insane video.

Also, while we are on the topic, I think it’s worth noting that a lot of people don’t realize how many people don’t sit at their computer reloading Barstool all day. So much stuff gets missed..we get emails all day from hardcore readers who send us links to stories/videos we posted earlier in the week. So that’s why I reposted this video. Too many people missed it.

By Nate posted October 31st, 2014 at 12:50 PM

Ovi And The Caps Putting a Beat Down On Halloween

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Ovi, Orlov, and Kuz just dominating the Halloween scene. These three Russians do everything together, so not a shocker they are the 3 Musketeers.


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RIP Angry Birds. Even if we all thought you died in 2010 anyway.

Meanwhile, Brooks Laich can’t stay healthy for more than 3 games at a time. Probably because he gets worn out banging Julianne Hough so much.

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Realistically, this is probably just a picture from mid-summer and these two just love dressing up. I’m almost positive of it.


Average Joe’s Liam O’Brien and Tom Wilson vs. Globo Gym’s Michael Latta and Joel Ward.

I’ve been racking my brain on which team I’d take in a fight here. Probably have to go Lats/Wardo. Tom Wilson is too pretty now, he’d catch a reflection of himself and get too distracted. Plus, Ward is…you know…a veteran.

By Nate posted October 31st, 2014 at 12:00 PM

Rate The Utah Grizzlies Skeleton Halloween Jerseys

h/t @Patty____Ice (Terrible Twitter handle btw. 4 underscores? Really?)

Every year we see minor league hockey roll out their gimmick jerseys, but this is my favorite Halloween one so far. Love that they use the front and back, love that it goes down the whole body, and love that I’ve never seen another team use it before. These things are hottttt in the streets. Kinda need one. Soon we’ll have 100 teams doing the tacky Christmas sweater jerseys, so it’s good to see the Griz using a little creativity right now. Rate em!

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star6 Star7 Star8 Star9 Star10 Star (50 votes, average: 9.24 out of 10)
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By Nate posted October 31st, 2014 at 11:10 AM

GoPro Footage From A Lion’s Back Of Her Killing Some Prey Is Awesome


Nature, bitch! How awesome. How lucky are we that we get to see footage like this? It’s amazing. And how about this guy who just hangs out with lions all day? Think he’s going to get killed? Well think again, he’s bffs with them.

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Sure eventually he’ll be killed when a lion goes lion, but for now, what a sick life. Hangin out with Simba n shit, singing songs and doing rope swings and whatever else lions do.

By Nate posted October 31st, 2014 at 10:20 AM

I’m Fairly Sure Nobody Watched Thursday Night Football Last Night

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I’m not sure anyone watched the Saints beat the Panthers last night. You can usually figure out how popular something is based on Twitter, and last night, I don’t remember seeing more than 1 tweet from anyone I follow talking about TNF. Nothing from the game was trending. It was incredible to see.

On Sundays, the entire world stops spinning. You drop everything, you skip funerals, you lie to your girlfriend about why you can’t go eat lunch with her parents, all to watch football. Doesn’t even matter if your team is playing or not, the NFL runs your life on Sundays. But last night, it was a ghost town. It was all about Knicks vs Cavs and FSU vs Louisville. Not a soul I know was watching the NFL game, and that is a weird, weird thing to say.

And that’s pretty much how it’s been all year it seems. A general lack of interest in Thursday Night Football. It’s not appointment television. The games start late and most people who don’t sit home and blog have to be up early on Friday for work. The games have been shitty, and it just seems out of place on Thursday.

It doesn’t help that weeks 1-8 were simulcast on CBS, and now for the rest of the season they are only on NFL Network, which somehow still hasn’t completely figured it out. Are people really going to drop everything next week to watch Bengals vs Browns? Of course not. Would you have known next week’s game was Bengals vs Browns if not for the previous sentence? No chance in Hell.


By Nate posted October 31st, 2014 at 9:37 AM
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