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Joffrey Lupul Breaks Out In Sweats When a Kid Asks Him If He Has a Girlfriend

 

Oh man, the worst question you can ask a professional athlete on the spot. The worst Catch-22 possible. He says “yes”, all the side pieces he’s been getting cozy with get pissed. He says “no”, the girls who think they are his girlfriend are pissed. There’s really no winning here. Thinking it over though, I think you always answer “yes” there. Because if you’re a pro hockey player, the puck bunnies don’t really care if you’re in a relationship, but you are keeping the hos in different area codes happy at the same time.
 

By Nate posted November 28th, 2014 at 1:38 PM

Dez Wells Breaks The Wrist On His Shooting Hand, Out For A Month

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ESPN Maryland senior forward Dez Wells will be sidelined for at least four weeks because of a broken bone in his right wrist. The injury occurred in Maryland’s 72-63 victory over No. 13 Iowa State on Tuesday. Wells had surgery Friday morning in Baltimore, the team announced. Said coach Mark Turgeon: “We will certainly miss our team leader. … I am extremely disappointed for Dez.”

 

On the surface, this feels disastrous. Any supporter of Maryland athletics in recent years will tell you that whenever things start to go well in College Park, the basketball or football gods have to spit in our faces and bring it all crumbling down. In a lot of ways, this injury just feels like more of the same. But I’m here to tell you it’s not. This is different. I’m sure of it. 5 games may be a small sample size, but everything we’ve seen so far leads me to believe that this freshman class has the ability to keep their composure and overcome this loss in the short term. Really, it might even be a good thing for the Melo Trimbles and Jared Nickens and the development of the rest of those young guys. They get to play more high pressure minutes that will pay dividends down the road. And like I said, they handled tough minutes against 2 tournament teams admirably this week.

I can’t honestly say I expected them to come out of the CBE Classic undefeated. That was a pleasant surprise. It gave me hope that we’d be able to upset a ranked UVA team next week at Com…Xfinity Center and that’s where the Dez Wells loss will hurt. He’s played those guys numerous times. He matches up well against that backstabber Justin Anderson. It’ll be an uphill task to get a big resume win against them and OK State in Stillwater. But if the kids can rally and steal one of those 2 games (assuming they beat scrubs at home), they’ll go into conference play with a shot to build their best tournament resume in years. Dez will be back for Big Ten play and that’s what’s most important. So yeah, it sucks to see your leader go down. Especially when he was the one guy who put his heart and soul into every game last year when nearly everyone else quit. He deserves better, but he’ll be back. Not all is lost. The Terps are still going places.

 

By banks posted November 28th, 2014 at 1:08 PM

It’s Time For Round 2 Of The Game That’s Sweeping The Nation – Name…That…Turkey!

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Grab some chairs and call the family over to the computer…it’s time to play everyone’s favorite game, Name That Turkey!

 
 

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Emily Ratajkowski

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Olya Abramovich

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Svetlana Bilyalova

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Kyra Santoro

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Ashley Sky

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Bryana Holly

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Renee Somerfield

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Ana Cheri

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Hannah Polites

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Samantha Hoopes

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Happy Thanksgiving you guys.
 

By Nate posted November 27th, 2014 at 11:50 AM

This Hot Piece Of Ass Brittany Oldehoff Taking You Into Thanksgiving

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What a great Thanksgiving Week it has been. Enjoy your friends and family and 8-15 miller lites. Enjoying seeing who from high school got fat. Enjoy the football, the family fights, and the pretending to offer to do the dishes.

We’ll be blogging here and there the next few days because we love you. Have a good one.

 
 

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By Nate posted November 26th, 2014 at 3:15 PM

Swaggy P Gives Advice On How To Pick Up Women On Twitter

 

Swaggy is the smoothest dude on the planet. He got with Iggy Azalea’s ass from making her his #WCW on Twitter. He then took her on a first date to Target and he’s been eating that hole ever since. That’s called love, folks. Romeo and Juliet do not have shit on these two crazy cats. Now, I do see a very big hole in his other ways to pick up women. They require you to actually speak to girls, and we all know that’s impossible. Thanks for the advice anyway though!

 

By Nate posted November 26th, 2014 at 2:15 PM

DraftKings Wishes You A Happy Thanksgiving By Having The $600,000 Wishbone Classic Fantasy Football Contest

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Click to play

 

Just what you needed to go with your beer, your stuffing, your pumpkin pie, and your racist grandma- The chance to win $100,000. Is that good? I think it’s good. Here’s all you gots to do:
 

-Draft 1 QB, 2 RB, 3 WR, 1 TE, 1 FLEX, and 1 DST from the Thanksgiving NFL games
-Choose your players from the Bears vs. Lions, Eagles vs. Cowboys, and Seahawks vs. 49ers games
-$20 to enter, $100,000 First Place Prize
-Top 5 places all win 5-figure prizes and top 8,150 places cash out
-Thanksgiving Day Only.

 

You’d be a damn fool not to do this. Wake up from that turkey coma with 100 large to your name. Can you imagine? I can. Because I’m going to win.

Click to play

By Nate posted November 26th, 2014 at 1:30 PM

Let’s Take a Look At Robin Thicke’s New 19 Year Old Girlfriend

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You know what? Not blown away. Expected better out of Robin Thicke. (Cue the people saying they “would”. No shit! I would if she shaved her head, and had 3 eyeballs and a 2 foot long tail.) But I’m not Robin Thicke. But you know what? It’s Thanksgiving. I’m glad he and his 19 year old girlfriend who is for sure not a gold digging whore found true love. I’m just going to be happy for them. And you know what else? It just moved. A Thanksgiving Miracle!

 

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By Nate posted November 26th, 2014 at 12:55 PM

How Amazing is it That In 2014 We Now Know What It Looks Like When a Lamb Chop Gets Blasted Into Outer Space?

 

Independent - When a marketing team strapped a GoPro onto a tandoori lamb chop and launched it into space, they did not expect the hunk of meat to disappear for five months, only to return carrying reams of stunning footage showing its ascent into space. Before daybreak on 14 June this summer, novelist Nikesh Shukla and his two friends inflated a 2-metre wide weather balloon and attached the kitted-up tandoori chop, and launched it 31km into the stratosphere. The balloon rose at 325 metres per minute for 95 minutes before bursting somewhere over Hungerford, West Berkshire. GPS contact was lost shortly afterwards. The team had hoped that the GPS would re-connect, but the freezing temperatures of near space scrambled the device and it did not survive the flight. Shukla, who was using the stunt to promote his novel Meatspace, and his friends feared they would never retrieve the lamb chop or the footage from the GoPro. But a month later, a farm worker who only identified himself as Adam contacted flight organiser Nick Hearne after he discovered the chop and the camera as he harvested land in Manston, Dorset – some 82 miles form the launch site. However, the group’s hopes were once again dashed when Adam arranged to meet them at locations in Dorchester, Bridgend and Weston-super-mare – but stood them up every time, using different phone numbers and excuses each time. With help from the Avon and Somerset Police, Adam got back into contact with the group in early November and organised a meeting with a different farm worker, whom he called Will. The group were stunned to find the 100 minutes of footage which the GoPro had filmed, showing the lamb chop make its ascent through the clouds above Earth.
 

Pretty fucking amazing if you ask me. This is the epitome of modern technology. It’s simply unbelievable how far we have come as a society. Think about it this way- If you tell your grandmother at the Thanksgiving table that they just launched tandoori lamb chop into outer space and they have video of it, what would she say? Would she even be able to comprehend it? Or would she just say something about illegal immigration and give you a hot Ferguson take? Probably the latter two. Think about how far technology has evolved (apologies to Curt Schilling). We are at a place in time where we are sending lamb chops into outer space. How is this possible? And how fucking cocky are we? Meanwhile Starvin Marvin over in Africa is eating sand for dinner, and we are launching food into space for YouTube videos. Fucking insane.
 

By Nate posted November 26th, 2014 at 12:05 PM

Reader Tweet: How Drunk Can I Get At Thanksgiving?

 

Great question. My answer: Pretty trashed.

The way to go about Thanksgiving is to drink all day while watching football, obviously. You start at noon, with miller lites (or your choice of light beer) and drink steadily til the meal. You have to drink light beers because you do not, under any circumstances, want to fill up before the turkey comes out. I guarantee the pilgrims would not be too happy if they knew you didn’t have your second helping of stuffing because you went with Guiness. Huge rookie mistake. Just not the way Thanksgiving was drawn up, and the last thing you want to do is disappoint the pilgrims. I think the perfect plan is you have 8-15 miller lites and then have the slight spins when you sit down at the table and just get in that drunk eating zone. Like, where nothing else in the world matters, you are dialed in, ready to go. It’s your time to shine. You know that feeling when you’re drunk and you are in the perfect sexting zone? Where every word you send to the chick just feels right? That’s how you should feel when you sit down at the table. Pure bliss.

Besides how great it is to drink and watch football all day on a Thursday, the other reason it’s not only important, but necessary to be drunk at the table because it takes that sort of focus on the meal to dodge all the questions from your mom about how your ex girlfriend is doing. Like, no better time to ask about the girl that took a shit on you than at the Thanksgiving dinner table, huh? Gotta be prepared for that. Gotta be ready for Grandma’s racial slurs, and if god forbid you’re a chick, the “why aren’t you married yet?” questions. Being sober at Thanksgiving? No fucking thank you.
 

By Nate posted November 26th, 2014 at 11:15 AM

Maryland Basketball Is The Real Deal, Knocks Off #13 Iowa State To Win The CBE Classic

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Sun – Maryland’s Mark Turgeon knows how to beat Iowa State. Turgeon improved to 6-0 all-time against the Cyclones as a head coach, guiding the Terps to a 72-63 victory over No. 13 Iowa State in the championship game of the CBE Hall of Fame Classic on Tuesday night at Sprint Center. Maryland is off to a 5-0 start for the first time in eight seasons. “We were meeting as a staff last night, and we couldn’t figure out what to do,” Turgeon said after the game. “They were saying, ‘We can’t do this,’ and ‘We can’t do that.’ “I said, ‘Should we just forfeit?’ Finally I said, ‘Everybody get out of my room and let me watch some film. We’ll figure it out.’” Apparently they did. Forward Jake Layman and guard Jared Nickens each scored 15 points for the Terps. Guard Dez Wells had 14 points, and guard Melo Trimble added 11. “I thought Jared Nickens changed the game when he came in and whapped that [3-pointer],” Turgeon said. “He really got them spaced out.” Nickens, a freshman, was not bashful. He finished 6-for-10 from the field, including 3-for-7 from 3-point range. “My teammates have confidence in me,” he said. “Dez always tells me when I come in to do what I do, and that’s to shoot. I just wanted to come in and have an impact in the game.” The Terps led throughout the second half and sent home an unhappy partisan crowd three hours from the Iowa State campus.
 

Maryland has had really good, sometimes even great recruiting classes going back to 2002 when they won the national championship. And every year has ended in disappointment. So after a bunch of transfers after last season, I did not know what to expect coming into this season. I liked the team, but they are young and inexperienced. After the first 5 games, it doesn’t look like that matters.

On Monday, Maryland knocked off Arizona State when freshman Melo Trimble dropped 31 in their faces. This kid can flat out ball. It’s a ridiculous feeling to have a McDonald’s All-American who looks head and shoulders above the other players on the court. The other freshmen I love right now are 7 footer Michal Cekovsky and 3-point shooter Jared Nickens. Cekovsky is just another huge Euro to stumble into College Park. Weird how that happens. The big white 7 footers just gravitate towards Maryland. And Nickens was the forgotten freshman in the bunch, and he can shoot the lights out. I can’t remember the last time Maryland had so many people who were pure scorers. Adding in Dez Wells and Jake Layman who has a newfound love for dunking, and this team is silly fun to watch.

With Maryland football about to move to 8-4 (unless they somehow lose at home to Rutgers) and Maryland basketball knocking off the 13th ranked team in the nation, it’s a good time to be a Terp. Be afraid, Big 10. Be very afraid. #DirtyTerps

By Nate posted November 26th, 2014 at 10:25 AM
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