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Barstool DMV Local Smokeshow of the Day – Nora



Kicking off the week with Nora from DC. Doesn’t get much hotter than Nora.

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By Nate posted September 22nd, 2014 at 5:45 PM

The Capitals Winter Classic Logo Has Leaked…Kinda




Yahoo - The official event announcing the 2015 Winter Classic at Nationals Park in Washington, D.C. is Tuesday, and the ballpark is already adorned with signage for the press conference. Including what appears to be the Washington Capitals’ new Winter Classic jersey logo. The image was captured by an tipster for Russian Machine Never Breaks, and it appears the Capitals are doing a more dramatic jersey design for their game against the Chicago Blackhawks than they did for their previous Winter Classic at the Pittsburgh Penguins. In the sense that they’re doing more than taking the “1980s red, white and blue stars” design out of mothballs. The most exciting part about this logo is the history that’s apparently inspired it. The ‘W’ on the crest, with the word “CAPITALS” across it, is unmistakably similar to the classic ‘W’ the Washington Senators baseball team used to wear. Another interesting theory: That the Capitals’ logo has stars above the ‘W’ to represent D.C., Maryland and Virginia, honoring the place they play, the place they practice and the state with the baseball stadium they should actually be holding the Winter Classic in. Pretty cool if the Capitals bring the Senators’ legacy into the 2015 Winter Classic. Well, hopefully not all of their legacy. We’d imagine they’d actually like to win a game.




Hey look at that, someone pulled out their old Nokia, played a couple games of snake, and took a picture of the Caps Winter Classic logo! Sweet! Why bother focusing the camera when you can make it look like scrambled porn from 1994, right? But regardless, I love them using the old Washington Senators logo in this, such a great idea. And since the Nats will have won the World Series by the time this game is played, I can’t imagine the Caps losing when they have a piece of Washington baseball on their sweaters.

By Nate posted September 22nd, 2014 at 4:45 PM

Love This San Fran Restaurant Owner Who Shut Down For a Day Because He Was Tired Of The Customers Giving Him Shit

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FB – The owner of a small Chinese restaurant named SO in San Francisco’s SoMa shut down his restaurant — a staple of the area — for a day because customers had reportedly been giving him shit. And he wasn’t going to take their shit. So he shut things the fuck down and posted a sign to his window that read, “We are closed because of you … (customers), So … yes we use MSG! So … we don’t believe in organic food and we don’t give a shit about gluten free.” According to Eater, an employee claims that the owner closed shop for the day after one dining party had refused to pay their bill because the food was “too spicy” and then another cursed at the owner.


“’We are closed because of you … (customers), So … yes we use MSG! So … we don’t believe in organic food and we don’t give a shit about gluten free.’” I love it. Just spiting the fuck out of himself because he’s so mad at the customers. Hard to blame him. People who complain at restaurants are the worst.* Yes, there are times where it’s acceptable, but not because your food as gluten in it. Grow up you pansy. Or go somewhere else you San Fran fedora wearing hippie. You’re eating chinese food. You should want it as hard to identify as possible. The harder Chinese food is to identify, the more delicious it tastes. Fact.

But this is obviously the best thing to ever happen to this Chinese food owner guy. If he has any business sense, he’ll completely rebrand and become that restaurant that doesn’t give a fuck about it’s customers. Where people go to get treated like shit and the waiters yell at you. I fucking hate quirky weird restaurants like that, but they seem to always do well.

*The thing that I will never get is people who send food back in restaurants. Now I will say this- I worked at a fancy Italian restaurant in college. And we never spit in food or any of that at the Olive Garden. But that doesn’t mean I trust any of these kids nowadays with my shrimp scampi. I’ll eat it if it’s colder than ice with a smile on my face before sending it back. Just not worth my risking getting a plate full of grundle hair because my alfredo sauce wasn’t piping hot.

By Nate posted September 22nd, 2014 at 3:30 PM

DeAngelo Hall Officially Out For The Season With a Ruptured Achilles and He Talked To Kobe Last Night About How To Rehab It


That’s a loaded tweet. Good to know DHall (and his 8 figure bank account) isn’t going to kill himself. Sigh of relief there. And that he talked to Kobe about rehabbing achilles injuries I guess is pretty cool. Good that DHall is in good spirits. Never want to see your #1 CB and leader of the defense to go down. There aren’t many great corners in the game, and losing your top cover corner is very hard to replace.


NBC4 – Washington Redskins cornerback DeAngelo Hall tore his Achilles tendon Sunday against the Eagles and will undergo surgery in the coming days, according to News4′s Dianna Russini. After the game, Hall told reporters that doctors believed that he tore his Achilles. He left Lincoln Financial Field on crutches. The 30-year-old’s season is likely over.


I touched on it earlier, but it’s a heck of a blow to the Skins secondary, to say the least. They were thin at defensive back as it was, and now it’s basically David Amerson and rookie Bashaud Breeland. Amerson is underrated, and Breeland has shown sparks, but they are both young and Breeland has very little experience. Add in Meriweather’s terrible play yesterday, and it’s a shaky, shaky situation back there. EJ Biggers stinks and Tracy Porter both stinks and can’t stay healthy. I wonder if Champ Bailey’s phone is working. Kidding. But kinda not really. But mostly kidding. I think.


By Nate posted September 22nd, 2014 at 2:40 PM

Fan Hits Orioles Mascot In The Nuts, Bird Gets Revenge


What is this fan doing taking a picture with the Oriole Bird, only to take a swipe at the family jewels? Nevermind he’s a grown man getting a picture with a furry, but to take a swing? Get real. I don’t know who this guy roots for, but you can’t come into Camden Yards and just take a hack at someone’s balls. Maybe in Tampa or Toronto you can do that. Not in Bodymore, Murdaland. The Oriole Bird channels his inner Karate Kid and sweeps this clown’s leg. I’ve seen people jumped for less in Baltimore. Come at the bird, you best not miss.

PS. ESPN just announced they will now broadcast Tuesday night’s Orioles-Yankees game as part of their “Postseason Impact Game.” Really ESPN? Postseason Impact? No one has said Yankees and postseason in the same sentence since July. Should have just called it Jeter Slurp Night.

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By RDT posted September 22nd, 2014 at 1:40 PM

MFK Monday in the DMV – The Fappening 2.0

Scarlett Johansson

Emily Ratajkowski

Candice Swanepoel

Total Number of Votes: 6674

Scarlett Johansson:

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Emily Ratajkowski:

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Candice Swanepoel:

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MFK Monday. And over the weekend, Spooky Ghost released more nudes of celebs. So we get to MFK them. I tried to choose the 3 that would make this one as hard as possible and I think I did a great job. ScarJo has the best set in Hollywood, there’s no denying that. Movie star, perfect rack, takes nonstop nudes. What a combo. Ratajkowski, I mean, we already know her deal. Ruthless body. But then there’s still Queen Swanepoel. Unkillable I think? Unless you’re a pure boob guy. Boob guys kill her in these.

Marry: Swanepoel. The champ lives!

Fuck: Ratajkowski. I can’t imagine a scenario where she’d get the kill.

Kill: ScarJo. This one stings.

By Nate posted September 22nd, 2014 at 12:55 PM

Kirk Cousins is Good, DeAngelo Hall Is Out For The Season, And Brian Orakpo Disappeared- A Quick Recap Of The Redskins Loss To The Eagles

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There are a lot of things that can be said about yesterday’s loss. So let’s start at the top with Kirk Cousins. He’s awesome. The Eagles defense isn’t great, but Cousins put passes in spots like a boss. He went through progressions, got the ball out, and hit the open guy more often than not.


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Sure, he’s only faced Jacksonville and Philly, but he looks good. Short week with the Giants coming to town on Thursday, and then the real test vs Seattle on Monday Night Football.

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DHall going down sucks. Achilles is toast. He hasn’t been Pro Bowl-esque this season, but has still been pretty good. The rookie Bashaud Breeland steps in now as a starter. I love Breeland. He’s a baddddd dude. He’s still raw, but I believe he can end up being a top tier CB in the league if he puts in the work.

Hall going down really hurts the already weak secondary. Meriweather was hot garbage in coverage yesterday. Probably rusty, but also just bad. Foles picked the Redskins secondary apart yesterday. As the weak link of this club, they need to be better.

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Remember when the Skins gave Orakpo the franchise tag (giving him top 5 money) so he could prove he deserved the long term deal? And then remember when he hasn’t done anything this season? He’s not even pressuring the QB. He’s not being disruptive in the backfield. Nothing. It’s bad. Foles was sacked 0.0 times yesterday. Often had a ton of time to throw it. I wasn’t happy with the playcalling- they obviously needed to pressure Foles more as they weren’t going to do dick to him with a 4 man rush.

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Overall, it was one of the most physical games I’ve seen in a long time, maybe ever. Every hit was hard. Pretty sure McCoy played with a concussion most the game. Foles was hit HARD a bunch of times. His left shoulder has to be jacked up today. But despite all that, and the Redskins playing great on offense and shutting down Shady, they couldn’t capitalize. Special teams sucked as usual-Kai missed a chip shot and they allowed a kick return for a TD. The Skins took bad penalties (10 for 131 yards) and lost key players at unfortunate times (Alf, Hatcher, Hall, Nacho). I don’t believe in moral victories, but they went blow for blow with an Eagles team, in Philly. That means something. The Skins showed they are players in the NFC East.

By Nate posted September 22nd, 2014 at 11:50 AM

Eagles Fans Dressed As Eagles Fans Fighting Eagles Fans In Philly Yesterday


Can you believe a guy in a personalized Eagles 69 jersey and a guy in a Riley Cooper got in a fight? In Philadelphia? Well I’ll be darned. PS: Sweet Trotter jersey. Retro, or too poor to buy a new one? I’m stumped on that one.



PS: A Eagles linebacker or waterboy (I’m not sure if a guy with 6 career tackles gets to officially call himself a linebacker) bashing DeSean for not getting in a fight is pretty much the most Eagles thing ever. Ain’t about that life? I guess he’s more about that 81 yard TD life.

By Nate posted September 22nd, 2014 at 11:13 AM

There Was a D2: Mighty Ducks Reunion and They Did a Flying V and it Looked AWESOME


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Sporting News - From left, that’s Mike “Luis Mendoza” Vitar, Garrett “Guy Germaine” Henson, Moreau, Vincent “Adam Banks” LaRusso, Aaron “Dean Portman” Lohr and Scott “Gunnar Stahl” Whyte.


First of all, who the fuck invited Gunnar to the Ducks reunion? That’s some bullshit right there. Unless Connie is letting him plop his sweet Icelandic ass cheeks on her face, he had no reason to be there. Also, Banks looks exactly the same. And isn’t a bad Ravens blogger either. And I bet he LOVES cake eater jokes in the comment section. He’s told me. He loves them. In fact, go leave one now.

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There it is! The Flying V! It looks glorious!!! Who cares if it’s the most illogical play in the history of sports, it’s awesome and we love it.

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Connie, you slut! Button that shirt! If Averman was invited he is going to blow his load.

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Alright Goldberg, stop living in the past. Poor fella. If there’s one person who needs another Mighty Ducks movie, it’s gotta be Goldberg.

PS: Remember when Mighty Ducks had the Oreo line? What a thing that was.


PS: Bombay was a dickhead, but a damn good coach. Shocker he wasn’t at the reunion.

By Nate posted September 22nd, 2014 at 10:50 AM

Week 3 Ravens Recap: 2-1 And The Best Team In The AFC North

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I had my concerns going into this game and yesterday they were justified. There are few easy road games in the NFL, and Cleveland used to be one of them. No longer. I came to realize something yesterday. I kinda respect the Cleveland Browns. They haven’t played the erratic, sloppy brand of football that has made them the butt of jokes for years. They just aren’t at the point yet where they know how to finish football games, and that was the difference yesterday. Good teams make those two 3rd down stops that we made late in the 4th. Good teams make that big throw that put the final points on the board. They’re not there yet. But they’re no doormat either, and they’re trending upward. Some more thoughts from yesterday’s win:


- First things first, let’s get the terrible news out of the way. Pitta’s probably lost for the season, and you gotta think his career is in jeopardy as well. There’s not a very good track record of players having long, healthy careers after breaking a hip. Now that it’s happened twice, I’m sure the thought of retirement is bouncing around in his head and I wouldn’t blame him. It was devastating to watch him go down like a sack of spuds with noone within 5 yards of him. The Ravens made it clear that they think he’s a big part of the organization by giving him that 5 year extension this offseason. Now we don’t know what the future holds for Dennis. It sucks. Get well bud.




- On to happier thoughts. Bro Flacco didn’t have to do too much for the second week in a row because the ground game was excellent. His interception was largely a product of Paul Kruger just making a great play, and he made a couple of inaccurate throws. But when duty  called, he answered and won the football game with an elite throw. Joe’s a better QB and the Ravens are a better football team when he only has to throw around 30 times. Hopefully we can keep it around that number moving forward.




  – I have a bone to pick with the WR corps (other than Steve Smith). Marlon Brown, where you at? Torrey Smith, where you at bro? Jacoby Jones, can you dig the sand out when you hear footsteps and catch the football one time? Christ on a cracker, what’s going on fellas? They just can’t seem to get open, and when they do, they’re not on the same page as Flacco. Real sloppy stuff. If Steve Smith gets injured, we’re in big big trouble. Figure it out guys.      


- How about that debut by Lorenzo Taliaferro?! He looked so impressive leading the NFL in rushing in the preseason (for what that’s worth), so it was mind bottling not to see him get any carries before today. Broke off a 33-yarder on his first series and got the majority of the carries the rest of the way. Even punched one in on the goal line. I fucking love the way he churns downfield. Reminds me a little of Jamal Lewis. I have no idea what the RB situation is moving forward, and I’m not sure it matters with how well the line is run blocking. But I can’t imagine Taliaferro not having a role after today.  





- Juice caught himself his first career tuddy, and gave it the ol’ Lebron chalk celebration. Like Lorenzo, he too played a pretty big part in the preseason catching the rock, and I think we’ll see more of him with Pitta going down. Love his style, classic white fullback who just loves to lay the wood.





- Matt Elam looked clueless out there. The position is called safety. Included in that job description is the responsibility of not letting receivers get 25 yards behind you. It’s starting to become a habit and I’m sick of it. He’s gotta get his act together and quickly because better QB’s will turn those long gains into touchdowns.


- The lack of pressure on the QB continues to be a theme for Baltimore’s defense. They only registered one sack, and it was on a broken play where Hoyer just laid down. We’re simply not bringing the heat. Rarely are we rushing more than 4 defenders. When we finally did, we rushed Hoyer into the 3rd down incompletion that resulted in the biggest stop of the game. Let’s bring the heat more often.


- In their defense, they did flush Hoyer out of the pocket a few times. Like that one time he threw a touchdown pass 5 yards past the LOS. That was neat. Hey Brian! See that blue line? Gotta stay behind it to throw ya goomba!



- It looks like Daryl Smith has lost a step. He just can’t keep up with receivers coming through the middle of the field anymore. Thank god we scooped Mosley in the 1st round this year, because Daryl’s play is getting worse every week. He can still make an impact in the run game with great positioning and discipline, but I think we’re going to see less of him on 3rd down moving forward.


- Hey Johnny, stop trying to cheat ya bum! Deep down in places I don’t talk about at parties, I love JFF. Hard not to. But as long as he’s in the AFCN, he’s dead to me. Brings me no joy. But it’s the way it’s gotta be, especially when he’s scheming with the likes of Kyle Shanahan. Now scram!




- Billy Cundiff doinking a 50 yarder and getting a 32 yarder blocked was fun. Did us a big favor today and I appreciate Billy’s efforts. Thank you Billy. But seriously. Fuck you Billy.


- Justin Tucker made his FG’s because that’s what he does. Would’ve loved to see him try that 59 yarder before the half, but Harbs made the right call punting it away. No complaints about any of Harbaughs’ decisions today.


- This next week is all about Steve Smith. I fall harder for him every play he makes. Another 100 yard game from him, and obviously made the play of the day. Next week’s Carolina game is the one he’s been waiting months for. Just ask him.




3 stars

*Courtney Upshaw: Quietly coming into his own. Registered the sack, earned a couple tackles for a loss and batted a ball at the line.

**Steve Smith: 5 catches, 101 yards, 1 game-winning catch.

*** Lorenzo Taliaferro: 18 carries, 91 yards, and his first NFL TD. Congrats Zo.

By banks posted September 22nd, 2014 at 10:10 AM
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