It’s the Friday before the Super Bowl. You’re sitting there reading this, which let’s be honest, means you have literally nothing else going on in your life. So might as well jump into tonight’s DraftKings $120K Fantasy NBA Crossover with 20k for first.
Pretty simple. You draft 8 guys, you sit at home tonight and watch all the games, and wake up with Dorito dust everywhere and 20 grand in your pocket.
It’s too easy.
Recently released footage shows professional climber Will Gadd becoming the first person ever to to ascend frozen sections of the world’s largest flowing waterfall, Niagara Falls. (Jan. 30)
For the Friday before the Super Bowl at 4pm that’s the best you’re going to get. And I guess it was kinda cool. Was really, really disappointed when I clicked the video and he was wearing ropes. Be a man and free solo that shit. Ropes are so lame. So yea sure maybe he’s the first person to climb frozen Niagara Falls, but he basically had an elevator ride to the top.
Au News- A woman has tragically fallen off a cliff while jumping for excitement seconds after her boyfriend proposed. Dimitrina Dimitrova, from Bulgaria, accepted her boyfriend’s proposal Tuesday on the cliffs of Cala Tarida, Ibiza before stumbling over the edge, reports Elite Daily. Police say the 29-year-old lost her balance and fell 65 feet into the water. She initially survived the fall but had a heart attack and physical injuries and medics declared her dead a few minutes later. ‘She fell seconds after her partner surprised her by proposing to her as she jumped up and down with emotion.’
Realistically, it’s not that sad of a story. Yea, sucks that she died, thoughts and prayers and all that, but she died at the happiest moment she’ll ever have. It’s what every young girl dreams of- the romantic proposal on a cliff overlooking the water. She jumped for joy and that was all she wrote. Curtains. They always say you should die doing what you love, and I believe she did. That’s why I hope to die doing that thing where when there is extra sauce on your plate from whatever you just ate and you wipe it up with your finger. It’s probably my favorite thing in the world. I hate being at restaurants and not being able to lick the plate clean. So if I die choking on alfredo sauce, so be it.
PS: If you don’t lick your ice cream bowl like a dog when you’re done eating the ice cream you need to prioritize your life.
Guy On His Motorcycle Gets Hit By A Car Running a Red Light And Then Sticks The Landing After Getting Thrown From His Bike
That. Was. Awesome. Pretty much worth getting hit and ruining your bike for that moment. It’s just a small sacrifice he had to make to get the video of him doing an Olympic worthy landing. You can always buy another bike, you can’t ever replicate that type of dismount. Must be nice to be able to walk up to any lady at a bar and have proof that you’re an undercover ninja. Rule 1 about ninjas: Don’t tell anyone you’re a ninja. But rule 2 of being a ninja: You can tell women you’re a ninja if it gets you laid, making rule 1 null and void until after coitus.
Despite Having The Correct Numbers, A Man Didn’t Win The $27 Million Lottery Because His Ticket Was Printed 7 Seconds After The Cut Off
HP - A Canadian man who was denied part of a C$27 million jackpot because he missed the deadline to buy the ticket by seven seconds has lost his appeal to get the money. Ifergan went to a local convenience store just before 9 p.m. on May 23, 2008, to purchase tickets for that night’s “Lotto Super 7″ drawing. The store clerk told him to hurry before the 9 p.m. deadline, according to a court summary. While the clock on the lottery terminal read 8:59 p.m., only one of the two tickets was registered in time. The second ticket, the winning one, was printed and registered on the Loto-Quebec computer at seven seconds after 9 p.m., eligible for the following week’s drawing. The store clerk told Ifergan that only one ticket was registered in time and asked if he still wanted to buy the second ticket. Ifergan said he did, and paid for both. After he was denied half of the lottery jackpot, which was awarded to another winner, Ifergan sued Loto-Quebec for the processing lag.
I see this two ways:
1) Time is time is time. You can’t change the time to suit your needs. That’s not how the world works. The ticket was printed for the next day, open and closed case. It’s just a 1 in a billion trillion that his numbers matched. Seriously, what are the chances? It’s impossible. It’s more likely to take a hammer to a keyboard and write a best seller than it is for that to happen.
2) You give him the basketball ruling. As long as the shot is out of your hand before time expires, the basket counts. He bought his tickets at 8:59. The deal was made before 9:00. Just because the time it took to print the tickets went over, does not mean he bought it late. So maybe they should step up and honor his ticket. He bought both at 8:59, the slow ass computer just fucked him over. Brutal luck.
At the end of the day, he would have split the jackpot with someone else, who also bought a winning ticket. That person is the luckiest person on Earth. 7 seconds decided the difference between 27 million and 13.5 million dollars. That’s crazy shit.
As for the person who lost 13.5 million by 7 seconds, I’m not sure how he goes on with life. What does he do, just get up, put on slacks, and go to work making 50k a year for the rest of his life? His mind will never be right again. It has to consume his every thought of ever day.
Just think about it, this poor schlub. He probably will be at the mall and want to buy something. He’ll check the price tag and it’ll be way, way overpriced. And he’ll have a mental breakdown right then and there because he can’t buy it because his fucking lotto ticket printed out 7 stupid seconds too late. I can’t imagine the pain of his life. If he kills himself, his blood is on the lotto.
Sports Illustrated’s Newest Swimsuit Model Ashley Smith Is Just A Liiiiiitle Bit Different Than Most Models
Here she is in an SI swimsuit shot, mouth glued together. I would make her a sticky mess in 3.2 seconds (and hammer the under):
And then you have this:
I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON. I’m going to try and be mature about this. Everyone is beautiful and unique. Or something. Obviously SI is just trying to prove a point and make waves. Completely obvious. I mean good for her or whatever. Bucking the trend. The Michael Strahan of swimsuit models. I’m just so confused. I hope this doesn’t come a trend. I can handle one. It takes me for a loop, my beat-off game gets stronger, everyone wins. But let’s try and stick to what works.
That is how you get ahead in life folks. You find a loophole, you exploit it, and you run with it full steam ahead. If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying. Hate us cause you ain’t us. Sorry. Just got on a roll there. This little girl will do great things in her life, no doubt about it. A young Warren Buffett right in front of our eyes. She’s not doing anything wrong one iota. If you see a ticket hanging out of a game machine, you take it. It’s not her fault the tickets are all connected and keep on coming. It’s like those lucky people who go to an ATM and withdraw $100 but it gives them $10,000. All they did was try to withdraw $100, anything extra is just good luck.
As for the boy in the video, c’mon man. “She can’t take all that”. Was he for real with that? Bro, it’s a dog eat dog world out there. That haves and the have nots. Good luck in your life with all your morals and shit. Probably will go trick or treating and respect the “only take 1″ sign on the bucket of king size Twix bars.
And she is dominating every other kid at Chuck E. Cheese’s. Complete domination. She’s going to have so many bouncy balls and stuffed Olafs, meanwhile that boy is going home with a couple of those stupid popper thingies because he wouldn’t assert his dominance.
That Awkward Moment When You’re Too Fat To Skydive And The Parachute Rips In Half As You’re Falling To Earth
You gotta be a real big asshole to rip the parachute when you’re skydiving. On the real, skydiving takes very little work. You just fall. And that tubby couldn’t do it properly. Score one for the little guys like me. Sure I get knocked over on a windy day, but at least if I want to go skydiving I won’t rip a parachute like it’s tissue paper. And make the instructor guy deploy 3 emergency chutes. Not one, not two, but three backups. He brought out the entire arsenal. Emptied the clip. He was not going to smash into the ground because a guy couldn’t control his complex-carbohydrate intake. This is why fat guys should stick to fat guy things. This guy decided to try something new, leave his comfort zone of Pringles and watching bowling on ESPN2, and ended up putting everyone’s life on the line. Don’t be a hero. Stick to what you know.
PS: We use the “honey take a good picture I’M DEAD” line a lot, but finally a story where it fits like a glove.
Someone Decided To Watch Some Porn During the Predators vs Blues Game Tonight Anddddd It’s On The Air
Hot mic, hot mic! Guess it gets lonely in the booth or in the truck during games. Hard to tell if a production guy got his wires mixed up or the guys announcing the game are just enjoying the newest Mia Khalifa scene, but someone’s favorite little rascal is Spanky. Sinner.