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Barstool DMV Smokeshow of the Day – Carlee From Maryland

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The year is almost over, but the smoking Terps continue. Carlee makes me proud to be a Terp.

Send me your smokeshow nominations to DMV@Barstoolsports.com.

 
 

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By Nate posted December 22nd, 2014 at 5:40 PM

Helen Owen Has Such An Underrated Ass And I Have Pictures To Prove It

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One of the most underrated asses in the game. She’s always posting 10000/10 pics but not many feature her absolutely breathtaking hiney. So here it is, getting the recognition it so mightily deserves.

 

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You think I’d just leave this blog like that? Psh. Here we goooooo. #NateyClaus bringing the gifts.

 
 

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By Nate posted December 22nd, 2014 at 4:51 PM

Mr. Kangaroo Said “GET YO DRONE OUT MY FACE!”

 

 

This is my own private domicile and I will not be harassed…bitch! Petey the Kangaroo taking that drone to Swat City! Fucking swatted it into the 3rd row Dikembe style. You can see Petey wagging his kangaroo finger at the drone after it if you look close enough. What do kangaroos have to do to get some alone time these days? Dudes were straight chillin in the prairie doing their kangaroo activities and they could not let a potential spy get in on them. Probably a cheetah sent it over. You’re probably thinking, wait, do cheetahs and kangaroos live together? They do now, here in this blog, because that’s the first animal with drone flying capabilities I thought of and I’ve gone too far now to go back and change the animal. And so that’s what happened.

By Nate posted December 22nd, 2014 at 3:56 PM

Dirty Terps: Maryland Is Now Ranked Number 15 in Both the USA Today and AP Coaches Poll

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Everything coming up Maryland these days. Testudo didn’t catch on fire during finals week, the football team is about to beat up the trees of Stanford, and the basketball team is now ranked number 15 in both polls, despite being without Dez Wells for the last few weeks. Really hard to get much better than that. The only loss this year was to UVA and their top ranked defense, and it was without Dez. They have already beat Iowa State who is ranked 12th.

Only one more game before B1G action kicks off with Michigan State on the 30th. I despise Michigan State for Korie Lucious and his god damn buzzer-beater in 2010. I remember it so vividly it still hurts. We had the path right to the final 4 all set up, and nope, Korie fucking Lucious and his 5 points a game had to ruin everything for everyone. But I’m not worried about the Big 10 schedule, just like I wasn’t worried about it in football. When a team is legit a team is legit, and this team is legit. Dirty Terps gonna keep on killin it.

 

PS: If you aren’t onboard the Melo Trimble train, buy a ticket now. He is a baller like we haven’t seen in a while at Maryland. I hope to baby jebus he doesn’t dart early the NBA.

PS: Jake Layman, professional yeller after dunking, is doing great work this year both inside and outside. His game has improve x10050403 this season.

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By Nate posted December 22nd, 2014 at 2:58 PM

This Molson “Anything For Hockey” Commercial Will Bring a Tear To Your Eye

 

Well shit, here we are again, tearing up at videos in the middle of the afternoon. Last week it was the tiny little hockey player helping up the tiny little hockey player, and this week it’s a man and his father playing hockey on the coolest rink every assembled. Doesn’t get much better than that.
 

PS: I want to fly in a helicopter. Seeing it zig and zag and zoom in and around the mountains makes me want to do that so bad. Looks amazing.

PS: If you think you’re getting anything besides happy blogs this week you’re insane. Positivity and Christmas cheer only.

By Nate posted December 22nd, 2014 at 1:56 PM

Week 16 Recap – The Ravens Got Bulldozed

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There’s no other way to put it. The Ravens played like garbage yesterday, through and through. It was painful to watch. It’s not scientific. We played scared. We played dumb. We were outcoached through and through. And worst of all, we got physically manhandled to the point where a QB from another team’s practice squad was able to come in and win the football game without much trouble. I’m disgusted. Usually I’ll break down the details and the big plays and hand out praise to this guy or that guy, but I’ve got no love to give today. So I’m just going to lash out and pass out blame as I see fit. Here we go.

 

- JOE FLACCO. You sucked bro. No two ways about it, you stunk. ¬†Like… rookie year stench. As far as I’m concerned, there’s 3 Joe Flacco’s:

There’s Playoff Joe. Guy who makes all the throws, plays with a cock full of confidence, and just wins football games. Steps into his throws with no fear. His best friends are named Anquan and Dennis and he misses them dearly. He made a cameo against the Bucs this year, but has mostly disappeared since hoisting the Lombardi trophy.

There’s Good, Not Great Joe. Dependable for a couple TD’s and a pick every Sunday. Will win more than he loses, but won’t light the world on fire. Most football teams would be happy to have him. This Joe likes a strong running game and pass protection to be effective. He’s essentially a world class game manager, and there’s nothing wrong with that. This is the Joe we’ve seen for about 75% of this year.

And then there’s Shitshow Joe. Shitshow Joe prefers to throw off his back foot. He has the deer in the headlights look. He’s rattled easily when he starts getting battered. Guys like JJ Watt set up camp in Joe’s brain and ruin him for 4 quarters. We’ve seen him make appearances in stretches against the Bengals, Dolphins, Steelers and the Texans now. We saw a lot of him in 2013 when the O-line was among the worst in football. Shitshow Joe is the reason I’m starting to lose my hair at the relatively young age of 23.

 

- GARY KUBIAK. You brought us this far. Night and day between this year and last. But yesterday you sucked. All week I read that the ultimate reason you couldn’t take Houston to the next level was because of your inability to make in-game adjustments. And that was on full display yesterday.

It was like he had no idea that the Texans might be vaguely familiar with this offense. And when they brought the blitz, he had no answer. He abandoned the run too early when that was exactly what got us to 9-5. I know they were down the whole game, but 52 passes and 16 runs isn’t going to win our football team many games. And when he did call run plays, he ran right, completely forgetting that he has the best run-blocking right guard in football at his disposal. Shit made no sense.

 

- THE OFFENSIVE LINE. Yuck fellas. Flacco may have only been sacked twice, but he was hit ten times. They were the reason he was so skittish. I know the best defensive player in football was on the other side. But for chrissakes, 7 other football teams were able to beat that team with Watt on the field. PFF actually has that as being Watt’s best game of his entire career. He wreaked havoc whether he was the guy breathing down Joe’s neck or not. Come on guys. The job was simple. Stop Watt. You didn’t.

 

- JUSTIN FORSETT. Not too good man. You didn’t get a lot of help or carries, but you’re not excused. You were too slow to pick up blitzers on multiple occasions and Joe got whacked. That’s back-to-back duds from you the past 2 weeks. I think you’ll bounce back, but I’ve been wrong before. Please prove me right.

 

- THE PASS RUSHERS. Keep it in your pants fellas. How many times do you have to get caught offsides for you to just watch the ball and ignore the snap count? Beyond sick of it. Stop giving them free plays. And no sacks to show for it? Pisspoor. Pisspoor from start to finish.

 

- JOHN HARBAUGH. You didn’t have your team prepared. Ultimately this falls on you. The game plan wasn’t there and neither was the tenacity. The Ravens don’t look like this often but my god it couldn’t have come at a worse time. And you can’t help but notice this is the second year in a row we’ve gone down this path late in the season. Figure it out Coach.

 

That shit was awful, embarrassing, etc etc. But it ain’t over. We can clean this up. I still like our chances of beating the Browns, and the Chiefs have a pretty good shot at beating San Diego at home next week. That would do the trick, as would the Bengals losing their last two. But I don’t even want to play January football if it’s going to look even 1% like it did yesterday. I’m all out of words.¬†Fuck man.

By banks posted December 22nd, 2014 at 1:02 PM

A Christmas Miracle! We Are Giving Away 2 Tickets To The Caps vs Hawks Winter Classic On Twitter. Follow Us For Your Chances To Win

 

Want to go to the Winter Classic? Yea me too. Lucky for you, your good friends at Barstool Sports are giving you a chance to win a pair to the New Years Day outdoor game at Nats Park.

Two chances for you to win. Follow and RT the above tweet. And to throw two entries into the hat follow me and RT the below link. We have the DevNest tracking this, despite my best efforts to rig it.

 

 

 

 

Good luck!
 

By Nate posted December 22nd, 2014 at 12:16 PM

Braden Holtby’s Pads and Mask For The Winter Classic Are Straight Fire

 
 

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pics via JapersRink

 
 


 

 

Fire is an understatement. Uncle Sam striking fear into the eyes of the Hawks. Playing on ice in Nats Park in front of the millions…and millions of Caps fans. Old school pads. Caps clicking on every cylinder right now. Can’t lose, won’t lose. Scoring pizza goals left and right getting me fat. And now we are giving away Winter Classic tickets on Twitter. Follow me on Twitter @BarstoolNate and follow @BarstoolSports for your chance to win. Today at noon.
 
 

PS: if you recognize the mask, it’s because Kolzig used to wear a similar one. Those red throwbacks just melted my computer screen.
 
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By Nate posted December 22nd, 2014 at 11:30 AM

RG3 and The Redskins Beat The Eagles For Their 4th Win Of The Season

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It was not a pretty game. The Skins gave up 495 total yards to the Eagles. Sanchez, who is a bad quarterback, threw for 374 yards. Zach Ertz caught 15 balls for 115 yards. It was humorous. We all knew they were going to Ertz, but Haslett refused to change the coverage…or cover him at all. The Skins were pretty much dominated left and right, but the NFL is so fucking weird. You can be the worse team and still win because of the small things, and that’s what happened. Bad turnovers and stupid penalties by the Eagles lost them the game.

RG3 played better. He game managed well, which is what I said from day 1 he should be doing until he gets more comfortable. He took way fewer hits than we’ve grown accustomed to seeing, and only threw a couple pretty bad balls, including one that hung up in the air forever which was picked off. He also threw two beauties to my man DeSean, who went over 100 receiving yards again. That guy is plain special. I hope Skins fan realize what a talent he is and if he keeps up the good behavior how lucky we are to have him.

Writing a “Redskins win” blog is new to me. Only got to do it twice last year since one of their wins came before I started here, and only 3 previous times this season. Feels really good. Winning football games is a great feeling. Kicking the Eagles out of the playoffs was a sweet cherry on top. I hope to have this feeling more often.

 

By Nate posted December 22nd, 2014 at 10:30 AM

The Kansas City PD Live Tweeted Over The Weeked And Things Got a Bit Wild

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This happened on Twitter over the weekend. The KCPD live tweeted two officers going around in their squad car, and things got a bit fun for everyone.
 

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If Breaking Bad taught me anything, it’s don’t tick off a meth head. Next thing you know you have an ATM turning your head into fresh squeezed orange juice. The exbf is lucky he got out at all.

 
 

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Fair enough, they let this guy go. I love the cooperation. Needles everywhere, holes in every inch of his arms, on his way to Badger’s to get his fix. No harm, no foul.

 
 

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And there’s the creme de la creme. What the people came to see. The ol “that’s not a woman, that’s a man baby!” mistake. I don’t see why people got upset about this tweet. Oh no, they called the man/woman hybrid thing a “she” by mistake. Big deal. Happens to the best of us. Are they all just ignoring the part where the officers tried to save it’s life? But of course people suck so the KCPD had to issue an apology.

 
 

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Of courseeeee someone was offended. Of course. Can’t even mistakenly call an ugly hooker a woman these days without the PC police coming after you. Here’s the KCPD doing cool live tweeting of meth heads and hookers and they get the gender wrong one time and everyone loses their minds. That’s why we can’t have nice things.
 

By Nate posted December 22nd, 2014 at 9:39 AM
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