SI – For years now, Gary Bettman has politely rebuffed inquiries about possible NHL expansion, saying the league was always listening to pitches, but it wasn’t at a point where it was willing to seriously consider welcoming any new members to the family. Writing in The Province, Tony Gallagher says that stance has changed. Expansion he says is not only happening, but in one of the unlikeliest of destinations: Sources close to the situation have indicated Las Vegas is a done deal, the only thing to be determined being which owner will be entitled to proclaim that he brought the first major league sports franchise to Sin City. Gallagher then goes on to suggest the league might be hard-pressed to limit expansion to just two teams. One of the others, presumably, would land in Seattle, a city that has been at the center of expansion rumors for the past year. Vancouver-born billionaire Victor Coleman has been identified as someone interested in bringing an NHL club to the Pacific Northwest. Quebec City, with an NHL-ready arena set to open in 2015 and Pierre-Karl Peladeau an obvious owner-in-waiting, also would be a favorite. While those two centers and their lengthy ties to the sport would be logical choices, it’s the possibility of pucks in Vegas that really catches the eye … and draws out the snarky naysayers. To be fair, they can make a decent argument. In fact, there are plenty of reasons to scoff at the idea of putting another team in the desert, among them a transient population, a sea of competing entertainment options and a work force geared heavily toward the night shift. And then there’s that whole gambling thing. Maybe that’s reason enough that Vegas shouldn’t happen. But give Bettman credit. He’s had the vision and the courage to put teams in locations his predecessors never would have considered. Once in place, he’s laid everything on the line, including his own political credit, to help them survive. And in many of those locales the game has thrived, planting the kind of roots that gives it a legitimate chance of long-term success. Seeing a green light where others see red has been the defining characteristic of Bettman’s regime. But he’s not in the habit of making decisions to secure his legacy, or to say he was the first to plant a flag in soil other leagues see as salted. If there’s even a chance he’ll say “yes” when everyone else is saying “no,” it’s because all the pieces are in place. The arena. The ownership. The corporate support. The season ticket base. At this point all we have is one report, not streaming footage of a press conference, so maybe we should all double down on that grain of salt. But if there’s anything to this report, if Gary really believes that Vegas is ready for the NHL — and vice versa — maybe we all should just listen to the man.
This might be the best thing Gary Bettman has ever done. No, scratch that. This IS the best thing Gary Bettman has ever done. Putting a new team in Vegas is saying hey, we’re the NHL, and we’re here to fuck shit up. I can’t even imagine having to go into Vegas as an opposing team and facing a drunk rowdy as hell crowd. Nevermind just having to go to Vegas to play. I can’t decide who is worse off- the players who have to live in Vegas year round, or the poor schlubs who will go to Vegas with a day to sight see, wake up in a random hotel room surrounded by hookers and crack at noon the next day, and then have to play a game that night. Either way, the Vegas games just sound like a coked up awesome time.
PS: To point out the obvious, this could fail hard. Vegas isn’t a very affluent city and there’s not a big success rate of moving teams to warm weather cities. And last time I checked, Vegas is in the middle of the damn desert. Sure as fuck didn’t work in Arizona with the Coyotes, so skeptics will wonder why it would work now? Can they actually have a fan base? Or will it be tourists choosing between going to Blue Man Group or the hockey game?
Houston - File this under “ways not to smuggle drugs.” U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers said they found about seven ounces of cocaine stuffed inside some tamales while screening a passenger at George Bush Intercontinental Airport in Houston on Wednesday. According to the agency, a 46-year-old man was traveling from El Salvador to New York when officers found a box of 200 tamales inside his luggage. Nine bags of cocaine were found inside the tamales. “This type of seizure speaks to our level of commitment in disrupting criminal activity despite the concealment method,” said CBP Service Port Director Beverly Good. The alleged smuggler was turned over to Houston police, according to the CBP.
When I saw this, I didn’t even realize what a tamale was. So I asked Jeeves “what is a tamale?” and he showed me some pictures and I realized I think I hate tamales. They have the weirdest fucking texture in the world. When it comes to mexican food, I think tamales are my least favorite. So that explains why they stuffed the coke in the tamales..because if you’re a reasonable person, you want tamales as far away from your face as possible. It’s genius. You bring 200 tamales with you, stuff 9 with coke, what are the chances they’ll spend enough time poking through those things before they find the cocaine? I have to imagine the majority of the blow in our country is delivered via tamale. This is a case of just bad luck. JBL to the max.
Minor League Manager Goes On Epic Tirade – Leaves His Shoes At Home Plate and Throws A Helmet Into The Upperdeck
I don’t know if there’s anyone I enjoy to see argue and throw a temper more than a minor league manager. Bus ride after bus ride, staying in Holiday Inn Expresses in podunk towns, all for the love of the game. So when some punk-ass ump pisses them off, they aren’t going to sit quietly. Grizzled minor league managers have spent too long on the grind to not go out there and let them know who the real boss is. And 100% of the time it’s awesome every time.
Looks like Keira Knightley got tired of counting her Pirates money so she decided to take some pictures and oh no where did your shirt go Keira?! Simon is over there happy as a clam right now. Getting to see Elizabeth’s Swann’s tits in black and white, a dream come true.
So what do we all think? Definitely build for speed, not comfort. Everything looks healthy and ready to party to me. Keep on keepin on, Keira.
Ohio Senator Calling For a Boycott Of Burger King Because They Are Merging With Tim Hortons and Relocating Their Headquarters To Canada
Fox - Burger King’s plan to buy Canadian donut chain Tim Hortons and relocate to Canada has cost it the patronage of one U.S. senator. Sherrod Brown, D-Ohio, released a statement Monday calling on consumers to boycott the home of the Whopper after Burger King announced late Sunday that it was in talks to buy Tim Hortons, creating the world’s third-largest fast-food company in the process. Burger King confirmed the deal on Tuesday; as part of the plan, Burger King would relocate its headquarters to Canada, a move that could lower its corporate taxes. “Burger King’s decision to abandon the United States means consumers should turn to Wendy’s Old Fashioned Hamburgers or White Castle sliders,” Brown said. “Burger King has always said ‘Have it Your Way’; well my way is to support two Ohio companies that haven’t abandoned their country or customers.” Wendy’s is based in Dublin, Ohio, while White Castle is headquartered in Columbus. President Obama and Congress have criticized so-called “tax inversions” because they mean a loss of tax revenue for the U.S. government. White House spokesman Josh Earnest wouldn’t comment on Burger King’s announcement on Monday, but said the president generally believes it’s unfair for companies to pursue a tax inversion merely to pay less in taxes. The Obama administration is considering executive steps it could take to de-incentivize inversions. Burger King isn’t the first company to face fallout over a tax inversion. Big U.S. companies, including pharmaceutical AbbiVie and Valeant Pharmaceuticals, recently have pursued tax inversions to cut their costs. Earlier this month, Walgreen abandoned plans to pursue a tax inversion after negative publicity about the planned move. It’s not clear exactly how much a combination with Tim Hortons would reduce Burger King’s tax costs. A recent report by accounting firm KPMG found that total tax costs in Canada are 46.4 percent lower than in the United States. The Wall Street Journal reported late Monday that about 25 percent of Burger King’s proposed takeover was being funded by Warren Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway firm. The Journal also reported that the takeover could be announced later this week.
I can’t sit here and say I disagree with calling for a BK boycott. While I’m over the moon about them merging with Tim Hortons, because their donuts are amazing and delicious, I can’t as a tax-paying, red blooded, flag waving, jet flying, kiss-stealing, wheelin’ n’ dealin’ son of a gun American support the decision to move to Canada. As it’s been documented, I was never a big BK guy to begin with, as I believe there’s nothing you can get there that you can’t get a better version of at another fast food establishment. While I respect their hustle to pay less taxes, which I would love to do too, I wouldn’t just turn myself into a moose humping eskimo in the process. If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. I will not turn my back on my country, nosireebob!
(Wait, it’ll save me billions of dollars a year if I just change my address to a Canadian one? Ok, nevermind, I’ll do it eh.)
Halfway through setting up this MFK I realized how hard of an MFK this really is. I didn’t even realize it at first, but then it just hit me like a ton of bricks that I have no idea what to do. JLD is the hottest 50something year old on Earth and she’s worth something like a billion dollars. A billion. Sofia Vergara is a wild latin chick with cannons that can start wars, and she also has a shit ton of money. As far as MILFs go, Vergara is in the top tier. And then Sarah Hyland. Who hasn’t had a crush on her for years? She’s like this tiny perfect minx. I’m sure she has a lot of money too, and is half the age as the others. So that’s my predicament. Do I want to marry the rich, young, hot one…or the absurdly rich older ones? Can I really turn down Julia LD’s extreme wealth?
Marry: Sarah Hyland. Reason: She has the money, but she isn’t a workaholic like Julia LD. How can you have as much money as her and want to keep working? Sarah seems like the kind of girl who is content with being a multimillionaire, having the Modern Family money roll in for the rest of her life, and instead of working we’ll just go on vacation and get drunk all the time. Perfect marriage.
Fuck: Julia. I’m not killing Elaine, you fucking animals. Hell to the no.
Kill: Sofia. You know I don’t speak Spanish.
WJLA – The Horseshoe Casino Baltimore is scheduled to open, marking a new milestone in Maryland’s development of casino gambling. The casino set to open Tuesday is the fifth and last of the five casinos initially planned when lawmakers approved slot machine gambling in a 2007 special session, a plan later approved by voters in a statewide vote in 2008. The Baltimore casino will be home to 2,500 slot machines and 122 table games like blackjack. While the state initially planned for five casinos, a sixth one located in Prince George’s County was approved in a 2012 special session, when lawmakers also allowed table games in addition to slot machines. The casino at National Harbor is on track for a 2016 opening. That casino also was approved in a statewide vote.
At last, our long national nightmare is over! Gambling an 8 iron away from the stadiums is here! Just further shows why Baltimore is the best city in the world, maybe even the entire country. Sports, babes, bars, the best food money can buy..and now a casino right smack in the middle of downtown. There’s no literally no reason to ever leave the city. Can you just imagine the glee you’ll have walking from seeing the first place Orioles win a game over to the casino to put in a nice blackjack session? Can you imagine the smile on your face as you walk up to the craps table after you leave M&T Bank Stadium after seeing the 2000 and 2012 Super Bowl champion Ravens lay the smackdown? It’s like Christmas, but with poker chips and waitresses with questionable morals. Another banner day for the City That Reads.
— Torrey Smith (@TorreySmithWR) August 26, 2014
I’ve gone back and forth on this hit a few times now. When I first saw it I thought it was dirty. I watched it again and was like oh it wasn’t that bad, and then I watched it a third time and I think it’s pretty clear Meriweather led with his helmet. The reason, as I said before, that I don’t think he deserved a suspension is because he wasn’t gunning for Torrey Smith’s head. He wasn’t hitting Smith high, it’s obvious Smith began falling to the ground, and in the high-speed game of football, there’s nothing Meriweather could have done at that point.
I think that’s a huge issue that the NFL and Czar Goodell have no idea how to handle. You can be trying to make a clean tackle, but the game is so fucking fast you can hit a guy in the helmet by accident so easily. When everything is full speed, if you’re diving to tackle a guy and he drops down to avoid a big hit, the receiver could end up putting him in a helmet-on-helmet situation unknowingly.
As I said last night, I think you have to cut Meriweather because he doesn’t know how to tackle and his reputation precedes him. Officials are going to call 15 yard penalties on him on any borderline hit. The NFL will suspend him for borderline hits because he’s done them so many times, he’s become their poster boy for it. I don’t know if you can afford his liability on the team. However, it is good to see Smith thinks the hit was clean. Maybe that will help Meriweather’s appeal and it will go from 2 games to 1. That’s best case scenario.