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Apparently I’m 5 Years Late To All That Is Aubrey Plaza

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2012 Do Something Awards - Arrivals

 
Well, I’m in love with this chick. I had heard the name before, but never knew who she was until last week. And it’s such good timing, because Jennifer Lawrence and I are not speaking at the moment. So now I’m in love with Aubrey and steamrolling through Parks and Rec, which turns out to be a pretty funny show.
 

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And then I started watching youtube videos of interviews with her. She’s a funny chick whose ass I would eat for breakfast. Pretty perfect 1-2 punch. Every interview with her she just makes as awkward as possible, like a phone call with your grandma.
 

 
Let us pray she never chops off her hair.

By Nate posted November 29th, 2013 at 10:55 AM

It’s Time To Play America’s Hottest Game Show – Guess…That…Turkey!

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Can you guess that turkey?!

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Answer Key:
 
 

 

Jaclyn Swedberg
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Tiffany Toth
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Lucy Pinder
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Minka Kelly
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Barbara Palvin
Diversos "ángeles" de Victoria's Secret en su catálogo de lencería noviembre 2012.Diversos "ngeles" de Victoria's Secret en su catlogo de lencera noviembre 2012.

Miranda Kerr
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Emily Ratajkowski
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By Nate posted November 28th, 2013 at 11:20 AM

Thanksgiving Rules

 

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Hope everyone has the best meal ever. I’m thankful for each and every one of you silly geese.

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By Nate posted November 27th, 2013 at 3:30 PM

John Harbaugh Wants To Play on Thanksgiving Every Year

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ESPN – The Baltimore Ravens will play host to the Thanksgiving night game for the second time in three years when they face the Pittsburgh Steelers at M&T Bank Stadium on Thursday. Ravens coach John Harbaugh is lobbying to make this an annual event. “At any point in time the NFL and Roger [Goodell, NFL commissioner] want to make this tradition, wouldn’t we all be for that in Baltimore?,” Harbaugh said. “That would be pretty amazing. We’d love it.” The NFL has held Thanksgiving day games in Detroit and Dallas every year since 1978. The league added a night game on Thanksgiving starting in 2006, and only the Ravens and New York Jets have hosted that night game more than once. The Ravens played their first game on Thanksgiving in 2011, when they beat the San Francisco 49ers, 16-6, in Baltimore. On Thursday, the Ravens (5-6) face the Steelers (5-6) in a game that is loaded with playoff implications. “It’s an honor to play on Thanksgiving,” Harbaugh said. “We get a chance to play in front of the whole country in a rivalry such as this in Baltimore. I think this is something you work hard for. We can’t wait to play.”

When it comes to the topic of the same teams playing every Thanksgiving, I have never been more undecided on anything ever in the history of ever. On one hand, I love tradition. Knowing the Cowboys will likely be embarrassed on national TV each and every year warms my heart. Makes Thanksgiving that much sweeter. Friends, family, beer, turkey, and Tony Romo pissing away the playoffs and having a terrible dinner later that night.

On the other hand, remember the 100 year span when the Lions sucked cock? When they had the likes of Rodney Pete, Charlie Batch, and Joey Harrington starting every year? That game always blew camel balls.

On the third hand, the NFL has done a horrific job planning prime time games this season. I can’t remember a season where such a large number of primetime games were grade A monkey poo. So perhaps not allowing Goodell’s retard hands to have a say in something, and just automatically knowing the Thanksgiving game will be the Ravens vs the Steelers or Bengals might be a good thing.

Let’s vote using some stars. Vote 1 if you like the pre-determined games, vote 10 if you would rather it change year to year.

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star6 Star7 Star8 Star9 Star10 Star (186 votes, average: 5.75 out of 10)
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By Nate posted November 27th, 2013 at 2:30 PM

John Wall Reiterates That He Is the Best PG in the NBA

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Post - Over the summer, John Wall did an interview with SI’s Chris Mannix, which led to this exchange. “All right, John, where do you rank among NBA point guards?” Mannix asked him. “Me?” Wall replied, stalling for time. “Where do you rank, yeah?” Mannix repeated. “I’d rank myself the best,” Wall said. “Yeah, I’d rank myself the best.” Anyhow, this became a thing again on Tuesday night, when Wall was yet again brilliant in a home win over the Lakers, and then chatted with Comcast SportsNet’s Chris Miller. “An unguardable point guard you’ve become,” Miller noted. “Aw man, just hard work and dedication,” Wall said. “I love my teammates, I love the city of D.C. and I love my coaching staff and organization. They see me come in here, putting in work late at night and early in the morning and staying after pratcice. And that’s something I’ve got to do if I want to be a franchise guy and lead this team back to the promised land.” “What statement are you trying to make to the league right now?” Miller asked. “[Mumble mumble] the best point guard in the league, that’s my statement,” Wall said.

Good. No. Great. This is what I want to see out of the superstars. I previously bashed Wall for writing “playoffs” on his shoes because I hate that he was so happy with simply making the postseason. So I am very happy he is bringing that sort of swag, as the kids say, to his game. Going to the arena with that sort of confidence day in and day out definitely makes him better, and makes the team around him better. Is he the best PG in the league? No. Chris Paul says hello. But would a superstar ever admit to not being as good as his competition? Absolutely not.

His last 3 games are ridiculous:

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Going to need to keep that confidence, that drive, and that need to be the best up with Bradley Beal out of the lineup and virtually no help besides Gortat around him. The Wizards are kinda turning a corner here. No more Gilbert Arenas shitting in shoes. No more Blatche being the WOAT. Team has talent. If they can stay healthy, they can actually bring in free agents and make a run at the title. Kevin Durant, come home in 2016.

By Nate posted November 27th, 2013 at 1:30 PM

MFK Wednesday in the DMV – Boner Breakers

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Emily Ratajkowski

Mathilde Frachon

Total Number of Votes: 12477

Chrissy Teigen:

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Emily Ratajkowski:

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Mathilde Frachon:

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The day before Thanksgiving, we are MFK’ing three boner breakers.

Chrissy is a SI swimsuit model, and a legit cool girl. Dressed up as Princess Peach for her birthday. 101% lock she dresses in slutty costumes at home. Emily loves being naked more than I love my own family. I doubt she even owns shirts or pants. And then Victoria’s Secret model Mathilde. What a name. Mathilde. I believe it’s French for “anal only”. Yes, I believe that’s correct.

Marry: Emily. Obviously. 100% marrying that spunk lover.

Fuck: Chrissy. Girl is crazy, and not even sneaky about it. You won’t have to ask her to do anything, she’ll already be one step ahead of you. She doesn’t pass it to the player, she passes it to where the player will be. Your dick will be inside her and you won’t even realize it.

Kill: Mathilde. Came out of left field with these new pics, and now I’m sending her back to the grave. Gonna need to come stronger if you want to live, Mathilde.

By Nate posted November 27th, 2013 at 12:30 PM

Titty McBigtits Got Divorced From The Old Dude Cause He Didn’t Rail Her Out Enough

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Examiner - Courtney Stodden talked about her divorce from Doug Hutchison and opened up about why she really left the 53-year-old actor. TooFab reports Nov. 26 that the 18-year-old Teen Bride and the actor didn’t have a prenup. Stodden discussed what went wrong in their marriage and what her new plans are now. Stodden said she and Hutchison were in love, “but over time that love shifted into something that wasn’t romantic anymore.” The age difference didn’t matter in the beginning, but that definitely changed for the couple over the course of their marriage. “I think I didn’t have experience being youthful or experience being single, so definitely the age difference and the lack of experience,” Stodden shared. Stodden has a voracious sexual appetite and it played a role in the break up. She admits to being ” a young girl who wants to experience sex of all kinds” and that as Hutchison aged, he was “slowing down a little bit.” She freely expressed, “I just wanted more sex.” The pair didn’t get a prenup in case they were to divorce. Stodden said she insisted they get a prenup, but Hutchison refused. “‘I don’t want to do that because I trust you and we’re getting married,’” Stodden claims her estranged husband said. Stodden said when it comes to romantic partners later on, she wants to “lower the age a little bit.” She isn’t looking for another man in his 50s, saying age is more than just a number. So what’s next for Courtney Stodden after her divorce from Doug Hutchison? She wants to be a “21st century Renaissance girl,” by branding a fashion line and starring in a string of reality shows.

How do I sign up for the Stodden fuckfest? Not that I so much desire to fuck her, but because it’s that easy to. It’s like if someone gave your the coordinates of 50 million dollars buried in the desert, you would spend the 45 seconds to figure out how to find it. Well, she just announced to the world that she is a 50 million dollar barrel of fuck, ready to be dug up early and often. All I need to do is get a slut compass and Christopher Columbus my way to her jizz collecting vagina.

And how about this girl being divorced and having all sorts of ambition? Reminds me of when something happens in normal people’s lives, and you decide “I’ll start going to the gym!” or “I’ll start not eating 3 chicken biscuits for breakfast!”. Titstick here decided to be in reality shows aka leak a sex tape then trance around on the E network before ending up on a Dr. Drew rehab show. Respect.

PS: This has nothing to do with this, but for some reason it just dawned on me that I want to have sex in a tree house.

By Nate posted November 27th, 2013 at 11:30 AM

If You Don’t Give the Gift of Your 3D Printed Face, You Stink at Gift Giving

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#1 pick in the fatface amateur draft

Source - Looking for Christmas gift ideas, but can’t find anything personal enough? A new 3D scanning and printing store is opening in Baltimore Friday that will let you spread the holiday cheer by gifting jewelry, bobbleheads and ceramic coffee mugs featuring scale models of your face. The Bmore3D Store in the Canton neighborhood of Baltimore was created as part of a collaboration between local 3D artists and designers. One of the stores biggest draws is ShapeShot — the first fully-automated 3D photo booth. “People can walk in, sit down, and hit the big red button and it takes a 3D scan of their face,” says Todd Blatt, a 3D artist who helped organize the store. “From there, any products that you want your face on can be created. By default we have six of them, including stuff like a little mini-figurine with your head on it and a Christmas tree ornament.” Something like a custom ornament will cost about $30, with jewelry and other objects getting more expensive, depending on the materials and amount of work involved.

Simply put, if you aren’t giving people 3D models of your grill for Christmas or Kwanza or Hanukah, you are a bottom of the barrel gift giver, or you are ugly, and likely both. No other way to put it. If you have a girlfriend, you need to give her parents a present to show you aren’t only a dick who only makes her cry all the time. So you give them the gift of your mug hanging on their Christmas tree, so every time they look at it, you know they are thinking of the guy who is ravaging their daughter. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

It’s also cool that we are in the future now. How long until family photos are 3D busts of ourselves? Like, instead of printing out 8x10s, you get big ass sculptures? The future is so neat. Hover boards gotta be right around the corner.

PS: When 3D printing takes off and they are mass producing this type of shit, the porn industry is gonna be flipped upside down and inside out. Slap this guarantee on the box- we will be having sex with Stoya robots by the year 2030.

By Nate posted November 27th, 2013 at 10:40 AM

Washington Nationals Ask For 300 Million To Put a Roof on Nats Park, Get Laughed at By The Mayor

WTOP - The Washington Nationals pitched the District government on a $300 million plan for a retractable roof over Nationals Park, but city officials say the idea was quickly dismissed. Ted Lerner, Nationals owner and Washington-area development mogul, pitched Mayor Vincent Gray on the idea and it didn’t go well. A source in the mayor’s office said Gray “started laughing.” A second source in the executive office said the stadium wasn’t designed for a roof, so it “would be cost prohibitive and butt ugly.” NBCWashington and WNEW reporter Mark Segraves first reported the roof plan. “Great idea, but the Lerners would have to pay for it and I think there are creative ways to do that,” said D.C. Councilman Jack Evans, D-Ward 2, a leading proponent of sports and entertainment facilities in the District. Evans suggested, if the Lerners want a roof, they should leverage some of their many real estate holdings to cover the debt, and then use the incremental revenue generated by the roof — with off-season events and such — to cover what’s due, instead of asking for D.C. taxpayers to foot the bill. The Nationals declined to comment on the report.

Love the kahunas on the Lerners to stroll into the mayor’s office, bright eyed, bushy tailed, and ask for a roof on their stadium. Casually strolling in, not a care in the world, to demand the DC tax payers foot the 300 million dollar bill for a roof that the stadium wasn’t even logistically built for. Hey Lerners, I want to be a pimp from Oakland too, but some things just aren’t meant to be. If you wanted a roof on your stadium, you probably should have built a roof on your stadium. Pretty vicious plan to build an open-air stadium, make one playoff appearance, and then ask for a 300 million dollar upgrade on taxpayer money. Billionaires are ruthless.

PS: I love the official quote from the executive office is it would be “butt ugly”. Guess he doesn’t get cised.

By Nate posted November 27th, 2013 at 9:40 AM

I Didn’t Know I Wanted To Have Sex In a Fridge Until 10 Minutes Ago

 

 

If Christina Ricci wants to have sex in the fridge, we are having sex in the fridge. Where there’s a will there’s a way.

By Nate posted November 26th, 2013 at 10:40 PM
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