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DMV Smokeshow of the Day – Katie From Towson

Ending our smokeshow week with Katie from Towson because I haven’t gotten a single Towson smoke nomination. It’s been all JMU, all the time. So I ‘m challenging Towson, and also all other DMV schools to step your games up. Send me all the facebook links to DMV@barstoolsports.com.

By Nate posted October 31st, 2013 at 5:45 PM

Shanahan Fires Back at Piece of Shit Albert Haynesworth

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Earlier this week, the worst free agent signing in NFL history had some words for Shanny with regards to RG3, saying

PFT - Haynesworth said the real problem in Washington was that he played with a dysfunctional franchise. And Haynesworth believes that just as he clashed with Shanahan, and just as Donovan McNabb couldn’t make it work with Shanahan, some day Griffin will also learn that Shanahan isn’t a coach that players can trust. “I mean, it’s like, you can’t win with that team,” Haynesworth said, via Dan Steinberg of the Washington Post. “And you think it was just me? I mean, look how he did Donovan. See what’s going on with RGIII. I met RGIII. He seemed like an extremely nice guy that’s willing to work. Now he’s gonna learn – I mean, I hate to say he’s gonna learn — about Shanahan, how he’s conniving and everything like that, where he’s not gonna help him out, it’s all about him.” “They’re gonna run RGIII into the ground,” Haynesworth said. “They almost really hampered his career last year with the knee injury, putting him back in there.

Albert Haynesworth is a huge piece of shit. A terrible human being, all the way down to his core. He stomped on people on the football field, and was even worse off the field, paralyzing a guy after speeding in his car and crashing into the guy. So I don’t give an single iota of fucks what he has to say about the current Redskins team. He came in, signed a big fat contract, and then quit on the team. I don’t blame him for signing the contract, but I blame him for having zero work ethic and being a diabolical waste of human life. He stole money from the Redskins. He signed a contract saying he’d play football, and did this instead:

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He fell asleep on the fucking field in the middle of the game. Wanna talk about mail time? Haynesworth invented, redefined it, and revolutionized it. So I care about his opinion on the current team as much as he cares about his saturated fat intake.

Haynesworth called signing with Washington “the worst mistake in my life” and said he would have rather become a Hall of Fame player who made slightly less money than the “free agent bust” he’s generally viewed as.

Bull fucking shit. It’s what he wanted all along. He got paid and gave up. He probably could have been considered a great player, but he stopped trying. While I hate that he has a zillion dollars, I can at least take solace in the fact he will always be viewed as the biggest free agent bust of all time, a dishonorable scumbag, and a classless human being.

By Nate posted October 31st, 2013 at 4:37 PM

The People Who Voluntarily Write Reviews On Yelp Are Suing Yelp For Treating Them Like Slaves

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FB – A group of Yelpers have filed a California class action lawsuit against Yelp, claiming they are actually unpaid employees who deserve compensation for their hard work. According to the lawsuit, a “vast majority of the ratings, reviews, and photos posted on [Yelp's] websites are created and supplied by a large and ever-growing stable of non-wage-paid writers.” Now, these “non-wage-paid writers” are seeking “just compensation of wages, benefits, and reimbursement for the reviews they created.” The plaintiff argues that Yelp could not exist as a profitable business without their free labor. Flabbergasted? Just you wait, it gets better worse. The suit goes so far as to compare Yelp to heartless slave owners. Seriously: “Business journal commentators have compared said business practices to a 21st-century galley slave ship with pirates banging the drum to keep up the fast pace and to fill the pockets of their stockholders with treasure. . . and with ‘overhead that would shame an antebellum plantation.’”

Absolute lunacy! Are these people taking crazy pills? Either that, or they have the biggest nuts in the world to sue a website they voluntarily visit, saying it’s the same thing to willingly fill out a comment card after a visit to the macaroni grill as it was to be forced into slavery. Even barstool commenters aren’t that fucking dumb (though the thought of imtough suing the boss is funny as shit). Fucking Yelp hipsters, thinking their opinion on some upscale tapas makes a single difference to anyone’s life. I’d trust a commenter from an amateurdumper video before I trusted a person who spends their days reviewing on Yelp. These entitled self important twats who critique the sushi down to the fucking core of it’s being are the worst people on this here planet earth. I love they are asking for benefits too. Like they want fucking dental and vision and Yelp to match their 401k for giving Coldstone 2.5/5 stars because the kids didn’t sing when they tipped them. Eat a pile of grenades, you Yelp idiots.

By Nate posted October 31st, 2013 at 3:30 PM

King of All Media Fred Durst Bringing His Talents to the CW

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TV Guide – Fred Durst once did it all for the nookie. Now he’s doing it all for The Noise. The CW is developing a one-hour drama project with the Limp Bizkit frontman based on his life. The Noise, created by Durst, chronicles the rise of a young artist in the 1990s who escapes a tumultuous home life and forms a wildly popular band with a unique sound. Durst, of course, hit it big with his rap metal band Limp Bizkit, which formed in 1994 and went on to superstardom with hits like “Nookie,” “Break Stuff” and their cover of George Michael’s “Faith.” Durst is a co-executive producer on the script, while Miles Feld is writing. Eric Tannenbaum and Kim Tannenbaum are executive producers, through CBS TV Studios. This marks the second time Durst has worked on a TV series about his life. Two years ago CBS developed the sitcom Douchebag, also with Durst and the Tannenbaums, about a rock star balancing his wild ways and his young family. As the popularity of rap metal waned, Durst has focused on film and TV in recent years. He directed the 2007 feature The Education of Charlie Banks and 2008′s The Longshots, plus earlier this year executive produced the feature Pawn Shop Chronicles.
 

Fred Durst is taking over the world! Surprised he even has time to make a TV show with all his other work. Limp Bizkit is churning out hit records and touring stadiums, Durst is making critically acclaimed side projects with Lil Wayne, his movies make a shit ton of money
 

Screen shot 2013-10-31 at 1.58.53 PM
 

and now another TV project on the biggest network not named every other network. I hope he writes it and stars in it so it’s the best thing we ever see. DVR will be locked and loaded as soon as I figure out how to find the CW. Hopefully Korn, P.O.D, and Papa Roach also have shows in the work. Cause that’s the shit everyone wants to see in 2013.

By Nate posted October 31st, 2013 at 2:20 PM

Is Fireball A Chick Shot?

fireball

Yesterday, KFC posted about how he chugs wine, and then said that when he’s at the bar, he will “still just get Bud Light or a vodka drink or do shots of Fireball like a chick.”

I thought he made a typo there. But according to KFC, fireball is a chick shot. I had no idea people thought that, and I disagree adamantly. I pummel fireball. It’s my go-to shot. Chick shots are things like lemon drops or washington apples. Where they all pinky up take a shot and act like they are wasted after 2 of them so they have an excuse to fuck their exes and claim they were drunk. But I digress. Is Fireball actually a shot for the girls? Or is it for the stylin, profilin, limousine riding, jet flying, kiss-stealing, wheelin’ n’ dealin’ son of a guns?

Vote 1 if only broads and bitches do fireball shots, vote 10 if fireball makes your balls bigger.

1 Star2 Star3 Star4 Star5 Star6 Star7 Star8 Star9 Star10 Star (1,497 votes, average: 8.00 out of 10)
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By Nate posted October 31st, 2013 at 1:25 PM

MFK in the DMV – Hot Gingers

Emma Stone

Faye Reagan

Christina Hendricks

Total Number of Votes: 17099

Emma Stone:

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stone1

Faye Reagan:

faye3

faye1

Christina Hendricks:

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64th Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

The Red Sox won so let’s MFK some red heads! Get it?! One is luck enough to fuck you, one is fortunate enough to marry you, and one has to have her head lopped off.

Before you vote, consider if you fuck or marry the porn star Faye Reagan, you are just another notch in her bedpost. She’s had conservatively 1,000 other cocks inside of her. But is it possible to kill Hendricks and not get to grab those knockers every day? And Emma Stone, if you marry her, then either the porn star or Perfect Tits McGee has to die.
 

Marry: Emma. I think she’s the safe pick her. No frills like the other two, but she seems like the wife who will make you a delicious grilled cheese sandwich.

Fuck: Faye. Maybe I’m a sucker for fucking the porn star, but I don’t think I can say no to it.

Kill: Christina. Good bye to those boobs. Never forget.

By Nate posted October 31st, 2013 at 12:30 PM

Does This Look Like the Face of Former Caps Goalie Semyon Varlamov Who Turned Himself In For Domestic Violence And Kidnapping?

varlamovmug
USA Today – Colorado Avalanche goalie Semyon Varlamov turned himself in Wednesday night to Denver Police detectives for domestic violence related charges. According to DPD information officer Sgt. Steve Warneke, the arrest stems from a conflict Tuesday, and an arrest warrant was issued. Varlamov has been charged with third-degree assault and second-degree kidnapping. The kidnapping is a class 4 felony and the assault is a class 1 misdemeanor, Warneke said. Varlamov, 25, has led the Avalanche to a 10-1 start and is 7-1 in the games he has started. He has played in the NHL for five seasons, and the Avalanche picked him up in July 2011 after a trade with the Washington Capitals.

Classic Russian mistake. He forgot he wasn’t in the wild wild west anymore. Silly Varly, can’t just go around Colorado kidnapping people, this isn’t the movies, even if you dress the part to a tee. Seriously bro, looks like you just jumped off the set of Taken 3 with that wardrobe. Is it safe to say Varlamov has Putin on speed dial? 100% lock that Sportscenter commercial where he and Ovi joked about being Russian spies wasn’t a joke at all.

 


 

I guess what this story really shows is pro athletes hate their chicks just as much as the rest of us. Making millions of dollars and being the star goalie on a first place team doesn’t matter when you have a broad that you can’t fucking stand.

By Nate posted October 31st, 2013 at 11:30 AM

Sheep Lady Pepper Sprays and Punches News Crew

Fast forward to 1:10 to get to the good stuff.

How good is the remix going to be? How fucking good!?

GUH BAHHHH

By Nate posted October 31st, 2013 at 10:42 AM

Pascal Dupuis Nonchalantly Pulls Out A Couple Teeth Between Shifts


 

In case you haven’t heard, the baseball season is now over. So if you haven’t gotten on board for hockey season, giddy up! It’s hockey time, bitches! I’m a big hockey guy. It’s my one seed. Could not be happier that we are about to enter a time where we will have the NHL, NBA, and college basketball on TV every night. Erection city. College football and the NFL keeping us rock hard on weekends. Not sure it gets much better.

Even though I hate the Penguins, I am fair, and I respect that French-Canadian dipshit Dupuis just giving himself root canals on the bench. It’s moments like that which separate hockey from all the other sports. Pretty sure a soccer player would roll around on the ground for 15 minutes if they had a tooth hanging on for it’s life. Dupuis can play for my wall ball team any day.
 

PS: Is he calling out Johnny Dentist?

tavares tooth

 

I cringe every time I watch him do that. It’s like you can feel it snapping out.

 

By Nate posted October 31st, 2013 at 10:15 AM

Oh Cool, Another Championship For Boston? Big Whoop

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You see those babies? Attendance champions! And that’s only 3 of the 6 banners that used to hang proudly in the rafters of Verizon Center until they RUDELY took them down.

Congrats to Boston, but that town hardly can hold DC’s jock strap.

By Nate posted October 31st, 2013 at 9:30 AM
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