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Barstool DMV Smokeshow of the Day – Veronica From Maryland

  Introducing Veronica from Maryland. A smile that breaks 1000 hearts in College Park. Relentless smile game.     Nominate smokeshows by emailing their Facebook links to DMV@Barstoolsports.com.

 

Introducing Veronica from Maryland. A smile that breaks 1000 hearts in College Park. Relentless smile game.

 

 

Nominate smokeshows by emailing their Facebook links to DMV@Barstoolsports.com.

By Nate posted July 30th, 2014 at 5:35 PM

Vin Scully Is The Man, Is Coming Back Next Season For His 66th Year Of Broadcasting Dodgers Games

Your browser does not support iframes.   66 straight years of calling Dodgers games. Goodness. If you’re into futures bets, put one down that I won’t breathe for 66 years, nevermind do one thing. It’s remarkable to think he was born in 1927. He was already 42 years old when we put someone on the [...]

 

66 straight years of calling Dodgers games. Goodness. If you’re into futures bets, put one down that I won’t breathe for 66 years, nevermind do one thing. It’s remarkable to think he was born in 1927. He was already 42 years old when we put someone on the moon. That rattles my brain. I put him in the same league as Clint Eastwood, Bob Barker, and Hugh Hefner as the most bad ass old guys to listen to tell stories all day.

 

By Nate posted July 30th, 2014 at 4:48 PM

Oh Fuck You Scarlett Johansson, Why Would You Ever Do This To Me?

RIP Scarlett Johansson boners

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Well cut my dick off and fly it to the moon. Jennifer Lawrence, Miley, Hermoine, and now Scarlett Johansson simply slapping me, you, the good lord, and everyone inbetween squarely in the nuts. Didn’t even put on protection before date raping my eyes. Simply great. And is she fucking serious with Crouty McCrouton and his stupid shorts and hat? Is he actually stuffing the woman previously known as Scarlett Johannson? What a fucking Wednesday to ruin.

RIP Scarlett Johansson boners, may we never forget.

 

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By Nate posted July 30th, 2014 at 4:09 PM

16 Year Old Florida Kid Woke Up Just Like You and I, Except He Decided To Rob 5 Places in 90 Minutes

  Florida - A 16-year-old boy is behind bars, facing six felony burglary charges. Orange County Sheriffs Detective Mike Young says deputies busted the the boy red-handed, 90 minutes into an early morning crime spree off of West Fairbanks on Monday. Deputies say the boy started in a series of stores in a plaza around [...]

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Florida - A 16-year-old boy is behind bars, facing six felony burglary charges. Orange County Sheriffs Detective Mike Young says deputies busted the the boy red-handed, 90 minutes into an early morning crime spree off of West Fairbanks on Monday. Deputies say the boy started in a series of stores in a plaza around 5:30 in the morning. There alone, investigators say the boy is charged with breaking into a florist, an instrument repair shop and Joe’s Barber Shop. Investigators say from there, the boy continued down Fairbanks where he burglarized a dental office. Deputies arrested the teenager at the Outreach Church. Detectives say the teen had already gotten inside, grabbed an acoustic guitar which they found right outside the door. The Orange County Sheriffs Office is waiting on results from a drug test to see if the boy was high on the medications which they believe he stole from the dentist’s office.
 

Early bird gets the worm, and this motivated young man was up n at em at 5:30 am to bust off a string of robberies. I can’t even remember the last time I saw the early version of 5:30 and this guy was hitting up the cash register of the local florist before his morning dump. No time for a pop-tart or anything, have to rob Joe’s barber shop to get the morning crime spree started right and let the town know the king is back. That means we are dealing with a true professional here, a legend of the game. A guy who kicks everyone else to the curb like they are a 4 you picked up at Spider’s the night before. So the first thing I thought of was this has to be Latarian Milton’s handiwork. Guy was such a go-getter at such a young age, no doubt he is still in the hood rat business. Hitting up dentist offices and stealing guitars from churches, who else could it be? This screams Laterian Milton from sea to shining sea.

By Nate posted July 30th, 2014 at 3:12 PM

Urban Meyer Simply Can’t Comprehend Why Tim Tebow Isn’t In The NFL

  NFL – NFL training camps are in full bloom and Tim Tebow is still waiting for a team to call him. He’s going on a year of being out of the league, and Urban Meyer says he doesn’t understand why that’s the case for the QB he coached to stardom at Florida. “I still [...]

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NFL – NFL training camps are in full bloom and Tim Tebow is still waiting for a team to call him. He’s going on a year of being out of the league, and Urban Meyer says he doesn’t understand why that’s the case for the QB he coached to stardom at Florida. “I still don’t get that part of it,” Meyer said Tuesday at Big Ten Media Days. “He’s the second-most efficient passer ever to play college football.” At last check, Tebow was training in preparation for another NFL chance, although it appears he’ll begin his broadcasting career with the SEC Network next month without NFL interruption. Meyer said he talks with Tebow once in a while and that his spirits remain high. Tebow won a Heisman Trophy and two BCS championships under Meyer with the Gators, but his NFL career fizzled after he was traded from the Broncos to the Jets after the 2011 season, the best of his three NFL seasons. He spent training camp last year with the Patriots, but was cut before the season. However, Meyer still thinks Tebow could find success in the NFL in the right system. “He had really good personnel around him (at Florida) and we utilized his skill very well,” Meyer said. “I think in a traditional setting, it is difficult, but there’s a lot of non-traditional offenses now in the NFL.” As for what NFL teams might be the perfect Tebow fit, Meyer said he doesn’t “get in people’s business.” He does, however, wish Tebow the very best and is holding out hope that he gets another NFL opportunity. “He’ll be successful in whatever he does, but he’s such a good player,” Meyer said. “I just wish it would work out for him.”

 

 

I feel ya Urby. I think we all feel that same way about some of our hopes and dreams. I simply don’t get why I’m not in the NBA. Sure I can’t shoot, can’t rebound, have a negative inch vertical, understand how a 401k works, and have zero tattoos, but I still am unsure why my phone isn’t ringing off the hook from NBA GMs. Come on Urbs. We can’t all be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona. Tim Tebow isn’t in the NFL for the simple fact that he’s awful. Timmy’s throwing motion is as if he was never coached to do anything besides roll out of the pocket or do jump-passes all through his NFL career. Maybe Urban Meyer should be more disappointed in his college coach for not better preparing him for the league.
 

By Nate posted July 30th, 2014 at 2:03 PM

MFK Wednesday in the DMV – Orlando Bloom’s Bitches

Miranda Kerr: Kate Bosworth: Keira Knightley:   In celebration of Orlando Bloom beating up Justin Beebers, we are now MFK’ing three of Orlando Bloom’s former bitches. He was of course married to Miranda Kerr, the Internet tells me he dated Kate Bosworth, and if you don’t think him and Keira Knightley fucked the entire time [...]

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Miranda Kerr:

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Kate Bosworth:

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Keira Knightley:

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In celebration of Orlando Bloom beating up Justin Beebers, we are now MFK’ing three of Orlando Bloom’s former bitches. He was of course married to Miranda Kerr, the Internet tells me he dated Kate Bosworth, and if you don’t think him and Keira Knightley fucked the entire time they were filing the Pirates movies, you’re just not a very smart person at all.

Marry: Keira. Hey Keira, be in more movies. Just be in every single one. Nobody will mind. I promise.

Fuck: Kerr. She must have some sweet moves and be into some crazy shit if people are starting fights about it. I need in on that.

Kill: Bosworth. If I did this MFK yesterday, I would have fucked Bosworth because Blue Crush is a smash hit and her two different color eyes thing does it for me. But I need to strike when the iron is hot with Kerr, which means Bosworth gets eaten by a shark.

 

By Nate posted July 30th, 2014 at 12:59 PM

Two Women Are Just Moseying Along On Train Tracks And Oh Look, A Train Is Coming

  An engineer thought he killed two people who dropped down on the railroad tracks right in front of his train. But in what one man calls a miracle, they survived. The close call was caught on video. From the train’s security camera, it looked like their final moments. Powell says the incident happened earlier [...]

 

An engineer thought he killed two people who dropped down on the railroad tracks right in front of his train. But in what one man calls a miracle, they survived. The close call was caught on video. From the train’s security camera, it looked like their final moments. Powell says the incident happened earlier this month on the 80-foot high Indiana Railroad bridge northeast of Bloomington at Lake Lemon just after sunrise. He says people sometimes follow a trail up to the railroad bridge, where they trespass onto the bridge. There are no walkways on the bridge, because no one is supposed to be walking there.
 

Are you fucking kidding me? They survived? For the life of me I can’t figure out how they didn’t jump. I don’t care if there was an HIV positive bear covered in razor blades hanging out with Darren Rovell below, you still have to jump there. I’ve stubbed my toe and thought well, this is it, my life is over, and they got ran over by a train and went on their merry way. Nobody would have felt bad for them if they were sliced like a pizza by the train, but everyone would feel bad for the train conductor. Talk about losing aces to aces. One second he’s just choo-choo’ing along an 80 foot tall bridge, taking in the nice Indiana scenery, and next thing he knows he just chopped up 2 women like he’s some sort of blogger. That will stick with him forever. It’ll be like Truman never being able to go near the water again. Scared for life.

By Nate posted July 30th, 2014 at 12:19 PM

Even Though The Script Leaked, Quentin Tarantino Is Making “The Hateful Eight” And There’s a Poster For It Too

  Source - “Yeah – We’re going to be doing ‘The Hateful Eight.’ ” is all Quentin Tarantino would say about his developing western when asked about the status of the movie at Comic-Con last weekend. But could plans be much further along that he’s letting on? Well, it would certainly appear that way as [...]

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Source - “Yeah – We’re going to be doing ‘The Hateful Eight.’ ” is all Quentin Tarantino would say about his developing western when asked about the status of the movie at Comic-Con last weekend. But could plans be much further along that he’s letting on? Well, it would certainly appear that way as before a frame has even been shot, the first poster/promo for the movie has arrived, and no it’s not a fan made deal either. Via the eagle eyes at Film Divider, next week’s issue of Empire magazine will feature a full page one sheet (see below) for the movie, with a “Special Roadshow Engagement” for the movie promised for 2015, in CinemaScope too. Damn. But is this even possible? It certainly is. Kurt Russell — one of the actors who joined Tarantino for a live read of the script earlier this year (read our review) — revealed recently that an early 2015 shoot was being eyed, so a release late in the year is very feasible. And given that most of the action in this one is in a couple of contained locations, the production will likely be a bit faster than “Django Unchained.” And it also looks like his plans to shoot in 70mm still seems to be intact. Between this and a possible release of “Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair,” 2015 is looking like a banner year for Tarantino fans. Check out the poster below.

 

Can’t keep a good man down for long. Especially a white one that wore nothing but Wu Wear unironically while promoting Django Unchained. That’s what I love about Tarantino and what makes him the best. Does what he wants, says what he wants, and talks like he has marbles in his mouth (another proud member of #TeamGoldenVoice). You might remember Tarantino swore off making this movie after a few dickwads leaked his script all over Hollywood, but it turns out he’s making it anyway. At first he was like fuck this, I have 100 other movies I can make, but he couldn’t just not make it. Which is good for you and me, because Tarantino could film a brick wall and make it entertaining for 2 hours.
 

PS: The interesting thing about movies is there are two ways you can do it: Tarantino’s way, and Madea’s way. There will be 100 Madea movies between now and when Hateful Eight comes out. And Madea will make infinity and a half dollars. And then Hateful Eight will come out, and it’ll do well, and we won’t get another Tarantino movie for 3 more years, and people with brains will slowly want to die.
 

By Nate posted July 30th, 2014 at 11:18 AM

Kevin Durant Admits He is Already Confused About What He’s Going To Do in 2016

Can't really read too much into this except that you totally can

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h/t @JoeMcGrath89 for the image

 

Can’t really read too much into this except that you totally can because Durant has all but decided he’s coming back to DC. Who would he rather play with, a “me, me, me, me, me” point guard in Westbrook, or a pass-fist point guard in Wall? Bradley Beal or Reggie Jackson/Anthony Morrow? Marcin Gortat or Kendrick Perkins? It’s a no brainer. The Thunder are getting worse, the Wizards are on the up and up. If he’s already having reservations about it now, wait until he suffers another disappointing season in OKC. The proof is in the pudding, and make no mistake about it, the pudding tastes like championships.

 

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By Nate posted July 30th, 2014 at 10:11 AM

Guy Loses With Aces vs Aces In What People Are Calling The Worst Bad Beat Ever Because It Was In a 1 Million Dollar Buy In Tournament

  Remember 10 years ago when you and your buddies were flipping channels in the summer and stumbled upon Chris Moneymaker, Phil Ivey, and Daniel Negreanu playing poker on ESPN and were captivated? Well that started what is known as the “poker boom” where everyone and their mother needed to play poker. Everyone was playing [...]

 

Remember 10 years ago when you and your buddies were flipping channels in the summer and stumbled upon Chris Moneymaker, Phil Ivey, and Daniel Negreanu playing poker on ESPN and were captivated? Well that started what is known as the “poker boom” where everyone and their mother needed to play poker. Everyone was playing home games and figuring out how to steal their parent’s credit card to lose money online with on Party Poker. Flashforward 10 years later, a bunch of those kids got really good at poker, and the game has gotten big enough that they just held the 2nd ever million dollar buy in tournament at the World Series of Poker. If you recall, Maryland’s own Greg Merson played it.

On to the hand, yea, it’s a pretty shitty beat. Preflop you’re going to lose 2% of the time, or 1/50 times. After the two hearts on the flop, he’s going to lose 5% of the time, or 1/20 times. The good news for Connor Drinan though is he got into the 1 million dollar tournament for 25k. He not only won a satellite into it, but then he also sold pieces of himself for it, so he actually still made a bunch of profit off losing Aces to Aces. Which isn’t too shabby at all. Plus, he’s won millions upon millions online, it’s not like he was a trucker who put his last 10k on the table to play the main event and lost aces to aces. So, worst bad beat of all time? Nah. Just bad luck.

 

By Nate posted July 30th, 2014 at 9:42 AM
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